Okay, prepare yourself. This is probably going to be the longest post I've ever written so hopefully someone is willing to read it all, but the only way you're going to understand is if you do. TW: Suicide, Self Harm;

Last may, my sister (we'll call her A) lost all of her friends in an unknown argument and made her first suicide attempt. After this attempt she spent 10 days in a treatment facility and was released early for "good behavior". While in this treatment center she met this girl we will call K. After they were both out of treatment, they kept in contact.

Well, in July my sister visited my house (4 hours away) to escape my parents and have some "cool down" because my parents were being "too controling". She was supposed to visit for a week (arriving sunday, leaving saturday). Her first day there she came to my work for lunch and then basically sat at the house for a couple hours while my fiance and I were both at work. There were some issues when I came home about respecting boundaries and asking when doing certain things (like playing with our chinchilla). This was pretty argued by her, but whatever it's a sister thing. Then, on wednesday night, things blew up.

We had invited our guy-friend over to hang out and play some games. He's a pretty nice guy and it can often be a little flirtatious. My sister and him end up swapping numbers at some point, which I was not aware of. At some point in the night, I tried to talk to my sister about how I thought it was inappropriate for her to be snapchatting our adult friend at odd hours of the night, when my parents would never let that happen at home. I felt taken advantage of and it became a huge argument. This lead to her trying to leave the house at 3:00 AM and me stopping her (almost being beat up by my little sister). My fiance finally called my parents and were able to talk her down. At about 4:30 AM we stopped guarding the door and finally went to bed as we had a meeting at 6:30. When I woke up for work, I get a text from her friend alerting me of another attempt by my little sister. I went upstairs to our spare bedroom to find my sister passed out in a pile of black vomit completely unresponsive. Obviously, she ended up in treatment again.

When she went to treatment this time, it was completely different. She was in a facility for 3 months, which almost didn't seem long enough. While she was in treatment, we found her main problem is that when people leave her life, it's like they died. She doesn't see why anyone would want her and then attempts or self harms. At the same time, her friend K was constantly begging my parents to let them see each other. My parents refused and made it clear that a relationship based on treatment is not a good option for her right now. My sister was reluctant to cut ties with K, and we couldn't figure out why if she was "just a friend" as my sister stated. She finally cut ties via a hand-written letter that had been proof-read by her counselor and my parents.

When she left treatment, it was a whole new game to her. My parents had a contract for her outlining the rules and consequences so that when she came home if she disobeyed, it would be clear to her and them what her punishment would be. To my understanding, that included things like social media as it has played a huge role in her depression. Of course, as a teenager, my sister broke every rule she could as sneaky as she could. My sister got back in contact with K.

I apparently was the only one who was smart enough to check K's social media to see the extent of what was going on. When I informed my mom that it appeared they were dating and that had talked within the last couple weeks, she agreed that it was upsetting. I told my mom I was worried about my sister moving to K's hometown (6 hours away) this summer because it's obvious why (she was already planning on moving there for school). My mom told me that I wouldn't have to worry, that they'd take care of it and it wouldn't happen.

When my family came down for Christmas, I found out what seemed to be the complete opposite. My parents are helping my sister plan to move down there this summer and also enabling the contact with K (which is a little more understandable). Their reasoning for them letting her talk to K is that "if she's going to talk to her anyway, we'd rather be involved". The part I don't understand is that it's completely unmonitored. They basically give her their ipad and let her go skype with K, alone in her room, for literal hours. The social media rule? That's also gone completely out the roof. They even went as far as to buy her a new laptop with no restrictions in place. Now, it sounds like they're letting my suicidal, drug addicted, teenage sister move 6 hours away from family into a town where she only knows K, to live alone in a $500/mo apartment that she thinks she can afford on her own before she's even 18, while not going to school for 6 months in order to obtain residency.

Am I crazy or are they? And what the hell do I do about this?

PING ME!

When I first started college I was sent to the loony bin for that reason. The main source of depression in my life at the time was that I always felt trapped by my parents, and felt that if I continued letting them control my life and make decisions for me/my education/who my friends are, window after window of opportunities would close until I was stuck sheltered under their roof for the rest of my life. Even after I was released, being at their house was extra tough because they tightened their control over me.

Everyone is different, but spending time away from them at college and gradually building some semblance of independence as well as feeling responsible for myself (rather than a victim of my parents' strict control) has been totally good for me.

Have you met K yourself? Maybe she is your sister's only friend who truly understands what she is going through, and having someone to talk about those things can be empowering. I think the best thing you can do is just reassure her that she has good people to fall back on if things don't work out for her, that everything is a learning experience, and she is never truly stuck in a living situation as long as she takes responsibility.

I see your point of view, but I don't think that's how it is with her. When she escaped my parents, it was because she snuck out and got picked up by a cop (thus was in trouble, obviously). So instead of owning up to her mistake, she was like "I'mma take a break at Steph's house".

As for K, no I have never met her. Not that she's a bad person, and I don't mean that at all. I worry about her moving to specifically live with K, getting her heart broken, and truly being stuck with her decision to move there and go to school. My parents can kinda be hard asses and if you move out to live with your SO, you don't move back and they don't bail you out. My parents are big on accountability (for the most part, but maybe not considering everything else). I worry that she's getting in this fairytale romance and then is going to find out that sometimes distance is better than reality when she gets there. I worry that losing K could mean another suicide attempt for her because of the lack of a support system nearby. She literally will have no where to go or really anyone else to go to locally.

Well, your sister's clearly unhappy staying with your parents and she had an extremely unpleasant experience staying with you, it's no wonder she's looking forward to moving away, both for school and to be with her girlfriend.

How old is your sister? If she's fourteen, I understand your concern. If she's seventeen, I am more surprised that your parents find/found it necessary to have "social media rules" in place and that it's shocking that your sister is allowed to skype her girlfriend in private. Since you don't specifically mention her age and she's moving away for school, I'll assume she's at least sixteen. So interpreting it from your sister's perspective, she's feeling like she's almost an adult, has lost all her friends, she's depressed and suicidal and then comes home to a family which over-controls* her and then prevents her from seeing the one friend and romantic interest she has and actively works against her connecting with someone she likes - for whatever reason, age difference notwithstanding. (Regarding which: In your position, I would have had a long talk with your adult friend if you thought it was inappropriate for him to be messaging your underage and vulnerable sister!)

So, I don't think you're "crazy", but I don't think this is your responsibility. In a few years your sister will be an adult, and if your parents have found a good way to interact with her while she is still living with them, that's probably a massive relief to all of them. Of course, you can still share your opinion on the matter(s) in question, but really, you shouldn't have to worry about raising or guarding your sister. Which also means that you're not obliged to have her stay with you if you don't agree with her life decisions.

Of course, none of this solves the problems of a potential romance-failure or misery at school, and I understand why you're concerned about that. At the same time, having K means she won't be lonely when she first gets there (which is pretty bad for dealing with depression) and if the romance implodes, she will hopefully have had time to find a new social circle/start a new life, which will then help support her in heartbreak.

As another calming thought, I have found that nothing builds character like walking the walk of adult life, including owning the responsibility for arranging one's housing and food, as well as more minor day-to-day responsibilities (washing the dishes, say). Since both you and your parents seem to place a high value on accountability, a good dose of reality might help her get to a stage where she can actively fulfill that requirement.

*I'm aware that this bit may come off as confrontational/critical/personal, and I apologise if it rubs you the wrong way. I don't think you or your parents are bad people, I'm just trying to present what I imagine is your sister's perspective.

I think I am older than the average player here so maybe that's why my opinion diverges a bit from anyone else here but I have to say I share your concern for your sister and I'd be worried to. It doesn't really matter to me how old she is, if there were rules about social media and stuff like that in the first place after she spent 3 months recovering from a suicide attempt I assume it is because it was suggested by the people who took care of her , doctors and conseullors, so I think it's really important to stick to those rules.I mean, if her therapist told your parents that keeping in touch or having a close relationship with someone going through the same issues was not healthy then your parents should definetely take that into consideration and not give up just because they don't know how to control your sister's behaviour. Clearly your sister cannot be trusted, and while I understand that confronting parents is part of becoming an adult this is a situation where she could end up harming herself very badly, she doesn't seem to be able to make the right choices for herself,the fact that something makes her feel better temporarily doesn't mean that it is the best thing for her. I would suggest to talk to your parents again and possibly consult some of your sister former doctors/therapist and see what they have to say about the situation. I'm surprised she didn't keep seeing a therapist even after leaving the clynic, maybe this is something else that could be discussed.

I understand where you're coming from. I felt that way after the first attempt, but social media has played a huge role in both attempts. It's not like she went straight from having facebook all the time to absolutely no facebook. She was in treatment without social media for 3 months and the 3 months prior to that after her first attempt, her social media was already limited. These house rules were all put in place with the help of her 3 therapists from her treatment center and she agreed to them before she came home. As someone who was grounded in high school for even having my computer in my room, it is not that crazy for me to be shocked at them letting her skype in her room privately.

Yes, my sister is seventeen. I don't think that age really matters, because she lacks maturity and restraint. She doesn't know how to self regulate and control bad behaviors, which is why she had a second attempt. She has already expressed interest in going off of her antipsychotics and she's only been home for 3 months!

I completely agree with you and I'm glad someone sees where I'm coming from. I think where I'm struggling is that I don't know how to talk to my parents about it because every time I do, I get told that I'm not her parent and to let them be the parent. My mom is highly confrontational and is about as unrealistic as my sister, I mean that's why this is happening.

I didn't realise social media was a factor in her attempts (even though I assume it's the way people used it, rather than the medium itself). I would still believe that teaching someone better coping strategies throught CBT or similar would be more beneficial than restricting their access to something they will eventually be able to access whenever they want anyway. But then I grew up in a very permissive family and spent a lot of my time online when I was a teen, so it's clear we have very different perspectives on the matter. I hope you manage to find a good way to be with her and I hope everything works out for you, her, and the rest of your family!

In therapy she did DBT, which is very similar to CBT. It taught her coping mechanisms but the goal was to reintroduce those things slowly, not just throw her back into the behaviors that caused problems. That's like letting an alcoholic go to a bar with all their old friends right out of treatment and telling them they can't drink. You don't put them back in those situations until they've made it clear that they know how to handle it, which she doesn't.

I am afraid I really don't know what to say in this situation because I would probably know what to do if this happened where I live but we're not from the same country so anything I know doesn't apply to you or your family, I wish I could be more helpful =/

How does social media influence her negatively? Enough that it impacts her mental health in the way it seemingly does?

It influences her in the way that she can say things she wouldn't normally say to people and it also gets her involved in other people's relationship drama. Not that it's the social media that's the problem, it's her use of the social media that damages her.

That's a bummer, but it also seems like something that won't go away over time either? My younger sister was the same way when we were teens; she thrived on getting wrapped up in drama of all stripes, regardless of how upset it made her at several turns. She just sought it out constantly.

And she STILL DOES. She's a mother now but she acts the exact same way. It's just a personality trait; an annoying one, but not anything that can ever be boxed in unless she consciously wants to remove herself from it. And it sounds like she doesn't, especially if she's in a long distance relationship. (Which I won't comment on beyond the fact I'm kind of glad all the mental health facilities I've checked into enforce you NOT exchanging deets with the fellow patients. Since it became less about solidarity and more about people recovering from the same problems as you potentially dragging one another down while you're still trying to find your feet.)

This taste of independence could be a make or break situation, and I'm glad you're empathetic enough to be concerned about her welfare. But in the long run, she's gonna do what she's gonna do, especially with her so close to adulthood. If I were in your situation, I would keep communication open with her and encourage her to contact me if anything goes wrong or she needs someone to talk to. Suicidal ideation can be defused with just a kind word or a shoulder to cry/vent on. Maybe pass her some hotlines or encourage her to keep in touch with her therapist. Just make sure she's got a network of people other than the new squeeze she can reach out to if things DO go south. Maybe work together with your parents on that.

Does your sister have abandonment issues? I ask because it sounds exactly like me when people leave my life, and even sometimes when I go home from visiting a friend I see relatively often. When they're gone I completely break down as if they're dead. I have a better understanding now that I'm older that this developed from early childhood trauma.

And have you considered family therapy? If you do, I'd suggest to approach the subject in a way that doesn't make your parents feel like you're putting them down. So I'd go about it like "What do you think about trying family therapy? I think it might be helpful to A and that a group discussion could get us on the right page with a better understanding of each other". I think family therapy can be extremely helpful, especially if your sister has felt abandoned in the past (if she was and if it involves family). Having a mediator is great and can give proper professional advice.

Does she take medication? I think this could also be extremely helpful. For a long time I hated medication and looked at it negatively, but I realized it helps a lot of people and if it helps me, I'm want to take it rather than spiral downward again.

I have to say that I also (politely~) disagree with 's opinion on never growing out starting or seeking drama. Of course that can be true for some people, I'll speak from my own experience and several people that I have known for a long time. When we were young teenagers there was always nasty drama that really affected us all. And we all didn't help the situation because we'd also get involved with it. But as we got older, we grew out of that hormonal drama bs. I now avoid it as much as possible, and even try to help people/be a mediator to defuse the situations.

I've suffered with depression and other shitty illnesses for over half my life now and thinking back over the years, it's amazing how far I have come. I attempted suicide when I was 14, haven't self harmed in over a year, and have learned better coping skills. I can only hope your sister will also get better over time.

I think the most important thing is to try building a strong support system. Positive reassurance to your sister (who bothers getting better if no one has faith in them from the beginning?) and letting her know you love her and are always there for her, no matter what. Do you think you all could go out to lunch or dinner and enjoy each others company? Or even see a movie? That way you're all together but there isn't pressure to communicate. I just suggest this because I think it would be a good start in showing her love. But I can see where that would be a pretty impossible situation.

Anyway, that was a lot. Sorry lol. I hope your sister gets better and that your family can all work together to improve things!