Well. I guess I have just been caught up with my thoughts recently. I have some free time and realize I don't feel like doing anything. Sometimes I hold my breath and like to feel like I am dead. I've cut myself in the past. I've contemplated doing it recently, though can't even muster enough motivation to do that. I've recently felt so purposeless and pointless and I don't want to commit suicide. I just currently really don't care if I die or not. I don't know. It's a complicated feeling I can't quite pin down myself. So I guess I'm just posting it here because I don't want to freak out any of my family or anything. And I know I don't always feel like this. It just happens on an off. And while I'm not feeling like this it's so much easier to see why I shouldn't, but conversely, it's so much harder to see why I should want to change when I feel like this. I apologize if I do not seem to make much sense. I don't really know what I'm looking for at this point. I guess, what do you do when you feel your existence is worthless?