I just wanted to see if anyone else had the same severity of depression as I do. I've been suffering for over 4 years now, it wasn't that bad in the beginning but now I have days where I get so angry and stressed that all I think about are ways I can end the pain. Now I still have plenty of sense that I won't even attempt this sort of thing, especially for my boyfriend's sake but it's so bad now that I can get frequent headaches during the day and I refuse to drink or eat.

A side effect of my depression has always been insomnia. I get on a proper sleep schedule for a while, then slowly goes further over the early morning hours. It's currently 4am here and I don't feel like sleeping because of the stress, and a headache. But I can be fine one moment and something sets me off the next, sometimes to the point I am on the edge of tears and it's terrible because I use to be such a sweet person and I believe the depression has ruined a part of me.

I'd like to speak to someone who maybe can offer a little bit of company if nothing else. What helps me now is communicating with people - if I don't and stay alone all day, I end up thinking too much and it leads to depression.

Thanks.

It's fine that you wrote so much, in fact I'm glad you did. My depression/anxiety and insomnia gets worse if I stop taking my iron pills. I went to the doctor at the college over a year ago to seek help and they took blood samples from me. My iron count was only at a 3, which they said was very low-almost no iron in my blood and possibly a cause for my depression.

The only things that really impact me in terms of keeping my mind off the bad would be music, movies, art, and video games.The last 4 years I played several online games, met people, had good times and bad times but at least I had something to look forward to the next day. I also have pets that aid in my happiness, as well as some house plants I take care of so my mind can be clear. These are only distractions though, not a permanent fix. I find drugs are not the answer to most problems with depression, it's not really an illness it's a mental disorder that can be helped through hobbies and positive influences. Most of the time people with depression have triggers that set them off. Take those away and they should be able to live a fairly good life with little signs of the depression ever coming back as often.

I'm glad you messaged though, it's brave to admit when something's wrong and I know it took me years before I told anyone what was wrong. I'd be glad to listen if you ever need a helping hand with something. :)

I don't know exactly how you feel, but I know the road you're walking. I've been depressed as long as I can remember. The first time I remember wanting to kill myself was fourth grade and I know it had been going on for a long time before that. Like you said sometimes it gets better, but then it always gets worse than before. Last time I had my iron checked it was normal, but my vitamin D levels were seriosly low. I take 5000 international units a day and it helps a tiny bit. I am still a walking mass of health problems both physical and emotional but at least I don't need to sleep 14 hours a day.

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering. Depression isn't something people should overlook, yet they think it's an excuse people use to get out of having to do certain things. When in reality, some of those things we just can't do because we lack the ability and courage needed for success.

Thanks, sorry you're having a rough time of it too. I hope something happens to make you feel less stress and anxiety.

I'm right there with you on the depression spectrum. Except nowadays I just feel numb 24/7. I constantly ask myself why should I continue this existence? Before the new year I had a feeling that maybe things might change this year. But that same day I was having those legitimately positive thoughts for once, I got hit by a car walking across the street. No major injuries other than minor injuries (sprains and something unknown I need to get checked out) with my pelvis/hip/knee (making my already screwed up knee even worse to the point I can't walk/stand for long now). They said it was my fault because I wasn't in a crosswalk and that just made me feel even worse. Then I broke up with my boyfriend of one year because he just wasn't for me. He was only there for the good times and didn't really support me at my worst, just would say "i'm sorry, feel better" and then go back to his games. My family is full of backstabbers and I never talk to them. I don't have any real life friends at all except maybe one sorta (i'm still unsure about her). Even internet friends, I don't really have them. No one really talks to me most of the time. A lot of people don't have "time" for negativity... So I just don't talk to people anymore. I go through my day; work, eat, sleep, game a little. But I get nothing out of it. Thus the numb feeling continues and worsens.

And now... I ask, why should I keep living when it's all just pain and struggle? My health has gotten steadily worse, and I learned about ANOTHER health condition that requires lifelong medicine or a heart transplant. I am sitting here wondering what to do. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one is listening.