Today grandma asked me if I could go to the shops with her because she wants my help with... internet. She's never used any kind of computer in all her life and now she wants to buy a tablet and she doesn't know anything about these things. She has a friend who could teach her, and obviously professionals can help her with the internet connection thing. I'm going home to another city tomorrow so I can't help her after today and I've never used a tablet either so I'd have to figure it out too. I've been grumpy and tired since I woke up, I just want to relax and read a book in my pyjamas at mom's, so I told grandma I've made plans with a friend today. :D

I feel horribly guilty whenever I tell even the smallest lie and I always feel I'm going to be caught. I even thought twice about making this thread because I was afraid I was going to be judged. XD But I think we all lie sometimes. Being 100% honest all the time usually makes you a jerk no one likes.

I've noticed I have a certain "hierarchy" to lying. I feel comfortable with telling white lies if it benefits me to strangers and people I have little emotional connection with. For example if someone stops me on the street to talk to me about some organization, I have no problem kindly telling them "sorry, I'm in a hurry". Then there's the middle tier, which contains my close relatives and very distant friends; sometimes I tell white lies to them without being totally comfortable with it, and I have no problem with lying to them about my own life if it would be too complicated to tell them the truth or if the truth is none of their business. And then there are people I never consciously lie to (except in a funny way: to not ruin a surprise, or as a joke that they're sure to discover the truth about later); my boyfriend and my friends.

There are a few things I feel you should always be honest about: cheating in a relationship, your own personality/habits/interests if you're going to become close with someone, how much you like/dislike someone. And I think lying about someone else behind their back is also not cool. Basically these rules are how I treat others and how I expect to be treated if I'm close to someone.

Are there any specific situations in which you think lying is okay? What do you usually lie about, and to whom? Have you ever been caught telling a lie?

I don't think your lie is too bad. Helping someone who has never used a computer before is super stressful, and yeah, if you know nothing about tablets, then you wouldn't be the best person to help her.

I lie to my mother and family all the time. It's not because I like lying. It's just because they are super judgmental people and I don't need to hear their disapproval of who I am anymore. They are not ever willing to consider my feelings, needs, or point of view, so I would rather just say anything to get them out of my way.

I have been caught lying about going to college years ago. I was extremely depressed and didn't want to go to school But, my mother was forcing me to go. So, I lied about going for a year before my cousin ratted me out. I only lied, because my mother would not consider me needing a break to be a valid excuse.

I don't lie to my fiance or friends. Being close to them, I want them to know everything about me.

I also hate lying to strangers. I hate sales jobs, because I can't lie about a product I don't believe in. I would rather say I'm not interested to annoying sales people than make up some excuse to walk away.

I used to suck at lying...now I sound sarcastic when Im serious and serious when I'm sarcastic. I cant be sarcastic or joke. But if I lie people think I'm telling the truth. I lie sometimes just to test people's knowledge on a subject. Mostly I think it's best to lie if it protects you or, in your stated situation, involves self care and sets a boundary. Some lies are very healthy and natural.

I dont have the best family. An aunt asked what was wrong on a fb post and I replied "I'm pregnant" [lie obviously] and soon she called my mother to stir up drama, which she failed to do since everyone knows I hate the thought of reproduction. You must know my aunt is a narcissistic sociopath...So lying is fun and I think it has a place and time. Having said that you do have to be careful with it.

I dont think I could lie to a relative I actually got along well with...but I dont think what you did was too terrible. You could have told her you werent feeling very well. I like staying close to the truth unless I totally hate you in my aunt's case.

I don't think that's true. It all depends on how you convey the truth.

I feel like it all depends on context too.. Is the lying to benefit you or others? The one example I heard of in philosophy for let's say it's the Holocaust and you are hiding you jewish nieghbour in your attic and a nazi asks is there is any jewish people in your house. Do you lie and save the life of your neighbour or do you be honest and hand over your neighbour and have them sent away to the camps. Either way you're doing something unethical. In this case the least ethical decision is to lie and safe a life. However when you're lying only for personal gain, then it's generally not okay.

I'm sure if you told your grandma that you werent feeling well and that you feel that you wouldnt be much help in setting the internet and such then she would have understanded.

Personally I don't like lying and I'm very bad at it. I remember when I was in grade five and I didnt finish a homework assignment and we had to present it I tried to make it up on the spot in front of the whole class. My teacher figured it out pretty quickly. Now the most common thing I 'lie' about it telling people that I'm 'doing good' when they greet me. Thats partially because I learned that when you tell them 'I'm actually not doing well' most people dont know how to respond because 'how are you' is just the polite canadian extension of 'hello' the majority doesnt actually care how you're doing they're just in the habit of asking.

Oy, I second the "doing good" motion. I do that one all the time. For the past several years, "I'm fine," has meant "You can't do anything about how I'm feeling and your pity annoys me."

I'm learning to be more blunt, rather than giving the white lies. Most white lies are socially mandated as courtesies, but if you'll just break the ice and say "No. I won't. Why? Because I don't want to." people tend to accept it and leave you alone. Whether or not you feel guilt over the white lies, I find that it feels good to be seen and to assert myself more.

I don't think there's a single person out there who hasn't told a lie at least once. The question of whether it's "bad" or not would of course, depend on the reason for it.

I've lied to my family quite a lot while growing up because if I didn't, I would have been void of any social life outside my family bubble. Used to say I was hanging out with said Chinese friend that they know (they only trusted me with Chinese people) just so I can hang out with friends or that I was going on an out-of-state vacation so I can sleep over at someone's house. I would prefer to be honest and stay as close to the truth as possible, but there's no reasoning with my family so that's what I felt was necessary. In your case, perhaps you could have told your grandma that you weren't feeling well and you can help her another time. Even so, I don't think it was all that bad. Sometimes, you just need to say no.

Honesty is the best policy. I also think being honest can get you out of a lot of avoidable situations that might come from lying. Though I feel it also depends on the severity of the situation.

I only lie when it wont hurt anyone. I mean, dishonesty is a last resort, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

For example, I lie to my mom about not smoking. She has no idea but I am 20 and I run my own game. But is it better for her to be unaware of my habit ? Absolutely. It saves her the stress and worry and saves me the berating and nagging, although she is also a smoker haha.

What Im saying is, as long as it wont hurt any feelings or is used for ill intentions, Sometimes dishonesty is the lesser evil.

i lie to my four year daughter almost daily. she constantly asks me why Im not with her dad and i say we just don't love each other any more. i tell her shes lucky because she has me and her step dad and her dad and his girlfriend. i tell her i loved her dad when i made her with him and that i love all of her now and forever ( i do love her now and forever that is true) however my relationship with her dad was very physically abusive and ended with police removing us from his home. my daughter is allowed by law to have visits with her dad and i do everything i can to help her feel like its okay to love him even tho i personally wish he would stop seeing her. he often goes six months without seeing him because he doesn't have time for her or because he was unable to pass drug tests that he needs to pass to get his supervised visit. during these times i answer only the questions she asks with no additional information ie why no dad today? I am sorry he could not make it here. I attend parenting classes so that i can learn how to best help her be who she is. I often have family members tell me I am just making it worse for her because some day she will find out why we split and will be mad at me for lying to her, but right now shes just a small girl who loves her daddy and wants to see him. i don't want her to feel bad for loving him and i don't want to hurt her relationship with him. professionals tell me that these situations usually go one of two ways the dad changes and the relationship can become a healthy one or the child gets fed up and requests the visits end. i don't want to help her make that choice and she still much to young to do so.

theirs also the awful part where after her last visit with him she had a burn on her arm said it was nothing and said her dad was gonna cut me with a knife if i didn't stop lying to her.

so i guess i feel awful about lying but i also feel like I am doing the best i can with what i have available to me, positive parenting style and supporting her choices.

please excuse my grammer

Honestly, your family members that question your choice of parenting style, while may have the best intentions, really shouldn't weigh too heavily on you. You know the best of what's going on in your situation, and I think it's really admirable of what you're doing. My parents would talk and berate each other growing up and it isn't a healthy environment. I think your daughter is going to love you for what you did, and not hate you for lying to her. I would be paranoid leaving my child or even a sibling in a household like that. You're giving your daughter the opportunity to do things on her own and make her own decisions and giving him the benefit of the doubt for his daughter.

As for the topic at hand, I think a little lying is okay in every relationship. You need white lies in your close relationships because sometimes you may just want alone time to yourself and you may not want your partner to worry. I think what you really need to be aware of is the type of lying you're doing. White lies and the like are okay, but if you're unsure of whether or not you should be lying or not, I think it's probably best just to be honest at that point. Also, just because you didn't tell somebody something one way or the other doesn't mean you didn't lie. Deception is a form of lying in my book, and it's a form of lying that really gets under my skin and bothers me.

I really don't have a problem with lying. But I usually just don't say the truth and say nothing about the topic then immediately choose to lie. Sometimes it's just better to say nothing, or you lose people. I usually lie when no one can disprove it and the truth would get me into trouble. And again, I really don't have any problem with telling lies. My morals lie within the things I do, and I really don't rely on anyone's 'words' either.

I really don't approve of lying, but I do believe you're right about the "hierarchy" of lies. And being completely honest with your grandmother about this wouldn't really have been all that kind, and it can be better to be kind than to be completely honest at times. In my opinion, if it's kinder than the truth and generally harmless, then it's alright. That said, I'm unfortunately one of those painfully truthful jerks with very few exceptions. I can really test someone's patience. If I do lie, it's similar to your situation (something highly innocuous) or just something much kinder than the truth. I understand reality isn't always nice and people should generally face facts, but it can be much more complicated if someone comes to you for an answer that's difficult to give.