Family, Greed, Money, Holidays
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I haven't been active on Subeta in some time now, this marks my first time logging in, [I]just[/I] logging in, in months. And what better way to utilize my loss personal connection and interaction on this site, by well, interacting in one of the most [I]jolliest[/I] of ways; ranting about my family, finances, and ultimately, self-impending doom.
To cut to the chase and reveal to you my conflict as of now/as of two weeks ago, I am currently feeling as though I am being semi/sorta/kinda taken advantage of by my family members, but in very subtle and manipulative ways...
Dear Family:[I]I am not your personal ATM, thank you, your daughter/sister/sister-in-law who also works for a living and has financial obligations. Squinty-eyed smile, head tilt sideways, lips forcefully tight; engaging inner Drew Barrymore[/I]
Me: Semi-newly employed, saves money, makes decent money, does enjoy spending money that is set aside for said thing.
"You're a cool sister because you actually spend your money on people." UUUUUUm, what?? Yes, this is what was said to me by my younger sister, who at the time was munching on a bagel and enjoying her coffee that I bought from some hipster-minimal totally Tumblr-esque coffee shop which costed me a total of $18 for 3 coffees (mid-sized) and a fair tip (because that man-bun he was serving (the coffee; subpar)). Me overlooking this comment, proceeded on my thoughtfully planned sister outing where I proceeded to buy gifts and goodies. Though I received little thank-you's here and there, that was masked by the dreadful complaining of "my feet hurt" and "where are you taking us now?" ...
Many times I have been asked by a family member to "lend" them money because they will for sure pay me back, I always lend the money and make no fuss about pay back, "don't worry about it, just pay me back whenever.." Maybe that's my own fault, in the past I was passive and a little weak when I should have been decisive and orderly. My excuse then was that my family has been selfless in the past towards me, I must owe them something...? However that mindset set me up for complete and under passiveness and made me the perfect mat for people to walk on and wipe their dirty, inconsiderate feet over. okay...a little dramatic, but still..
Well, now that you have some semi-cohesive backstory and insight, let me share with you what's happening right now...
As you all may know, here in the USofA just weeks ago it was Black Friday (Nov.27); the day dedicated to people blindly handing their money to big corporations to buy material products to fill a void, I mean, share their love for their family/friends and a commercialized holiday. Yes I am among that despicable crowd of people... Hey, I mean, who can resist a good deal after all, Macy's is like crack to any impulsive buyer of readily wrapped gift-sets and treats...
Hundreds of dollars spent that day. Hundreds. The hours I spent earning that money I spent like nothing deep internal sigh.
During this time I was away from family, and had been for a few weeks, so I was in an alternate state of mind when reflecting on siblings' behaviors and attitudes. I was wrong. So, SO wrong. Come to my surprise nothing about my siblings' demeanor had changed.
"I bet you just got me make-up, didn't you?" Hell yeah I did. Sorry I spent $56 buying you a a single eye-shadow pallet not to mention the other "top of the line" beauty products... You only ever stress how much you need more/new makeup products... and to top it off... "You should have gotten me that watch instead of ___ she doesn't deserve it... Why did you get ___ an expensive watch...I bet you got her better stuff than you did for me..."
GOD DAMN UTTER GREED.
I showed one sibling a gift I got for another and that was really just my own fault. As you can see the blatant disregard from my teenage siblings the fact that I bought everyone just as nice of gifts as the other... Not to mention me generously buying said gifts, like I said at the beginning, I am not a personal ATM. Do not abuse my kindness and selflessness.
After I express my disdain for my siblings' general attitude and lack of respect and appreciation, I am completely ignored and shown right before my eyes that mistake I had made buying such gifts spending my hard earned money on relatives who couldn't give two shits the time and effort that went into selecting the items. Only to be sassed and disrespected.
I am considering not giving any of them their gifts, I really am. I mean, I could have easily put the money I spent towards something more productive and meaningful.
Who says I couldn't put to use a Naked Pallet 3 and a shiny new Guess watch?
Honestly, I am over the holidays, done. I feel like next year my approach will be much different. The holidays I hope will have a new meaning to me and also my family. Admittedly, I thought the material items would make them more grateful for my generous gestures and offering of kindness, when really it was a signal to those who are willing and ready to take advantage of my generosity by trying to guilt and manipulate me. My family? So disheartening.
I announce now to you all my vow to not be so passive and overly generous to those who do not deserve or appreciate such gestures.
Hard lesson to learn, but an important one nonetheless.
Where are you this holiday? In the same boat as me by chance? HAVE you been in the same boat as me? Please share your thoughts/opinions/past lessons learned so I don't feel so alone...
Thanks for enduring this very rambly rant of mine that was probably very confusing and difficult to read, OH WELL.
xx
- Greed is what fills the holiday, unfortunately. I've become so sick of the holiday season, because it's all about buying the biggest and best gifts. What about stuff that ACTUALLY matters? Spending time with the ones you love. Welp, not as important as buying that new i-whatever. And What I really hate is that the Black Friday sales start on Thanksgiving night. That's just corporate greed at its worst.
As for your family, I understand people taking advantage of your generosity. I've had that happen before and have lost a lot of money on it. I also have a credit card with $3,000 debt because my parents insisted I open up a card so they could buy a lawnmower. They promised to not spend any more money. A year later, I discover the card was maxed out. That made me not trust them with my money or personal information.
So, I think you're having the right attitude about not being overly generous who don't appreciate you. You should give gift cards or something cheap next year, and if they complain, then don't give them gifts ever again. And don't feel guilty if they nag you. You need to take care of yourself first.
Can you still return the gifts? They're obviously unappreciative little gits. If I had to give something to people like that, I would donate what I would have spent on a gift to a charity in their name. You can usually get a card from any charity saying something like '$xx was donated in your name to x charity.' That way you're getting them something, but the money will go to someone who will really appreciate and needs it.
by your story, i'm guessing you are a young adult who just got a taste of self hard earned salary and want to share with loved ones. i can understand that.
if there is one thing that most family share in common is there is no lending money, only giving them away. even if you push them to pay back, they will nag to other members and finally somebody will try talking you out of it and you will be seen as the bad guy.
when you do too much good to people who don't appreciate, they will see that as normal and expect that behavior from you. it is like this, when a bad person finally do one good deed, people often start to see them as an angel and forget all about the bad stuff. but when a good person accidentally make a bad one, guess who the new king of hell now.
as for gift, if you want people to appreciate, give them something they desperately need, not something they want. and make sure they know they get them because you allow to, not because you are their money dispenser. kinda like a reminder that they owe you a favor. this is a bad advice, i know, but it works. otherwise, just give them something and forget about it.
remember, don't overdo goodness if you want people to appreciate. the less you do, the more people will remember the details.
