I moved a little under 1200 miles away from my friends/parents to a state where I knew literally no one shortly after July 4th this year. The few people I met (which was about 4) are now an hour+ drive away, one I just don't think of as much of a friend and another two, I had to cut off--they were making my life difficult. I only really have my fiancé now and no one that I want to make the effort to see. It only hit me today that my social life is nonexistent here because he asked if I was okay with him seeing one of his friends. Sad, right?

I have social anxiety, which has hindered me a lot. It's gotten a little easier to talk face-to-face since I started working in retail but I do still panic; it really got the better of me on Black Friday when trying to tell people about the gift bag for BF. 😓 I usually work the afternoon shift at the store, so I have time to socialize but no one really grabs my attention as someone I want to get to know as I putter around the mall for the empty hours before I work. Co-workers aren't people I would want to see outside of work, as nice as they all are and they might feel the same way.

How the hell do you make friends at 22 in a city where you know nobody and not many share your interests (like weird lipstick colors and drag queens)? The one person I had a connection with was a girl I talked about makeup with for a few minutes at a frozen yogurt place and I didn't get her name or anything and I haven't seen her around since so I lost that potential friend; totally my fault but she was working and while it wasn't busy at that time, I still didn't want to take up her time. 😖 No, I couldn't order anything as an excuse--lactose intolerance is just so much fun.

The best I've found is try going to events around town that interest you. Like Drag Queens? Go to a drag queen show! Favorite band nearby? Hit up that concert! Then it's just a matter of striking up a conversation with a person who looks interesting and friendly.

It's gotten to a point where I wonder how people even used to make friends in the past. But I think society has changed a lot since then. It also used to be normal to have people randomly talk to you going about your day. Now we look at people like they're crazy if they strike a conversation with us at the bus stop.

Another tactic I found is that if you see someone wearing something you have interest in, compliment them on it and if the timing is right you can also drop into a conversation about it. Like, "Oh! I love that Totoro dress you have on! Have you seen Miyazaki's other movies?" Sometimes a long the way you can make a new friend out of it.

Then there's the online route. But even sites like Meet Me who profess to be for meeting friends is mainly just guys trying to hook up :/

I've actually come to just be content with the online friends I make and few I have left in this town at this point. It's too much to try and find another girl who likes videogames, kdrama, anime/manga, and cultures in general. Like actually likes them, wants to hang out and won't ditch me constantly.

That's the other fun part. Once you do find someone, then it's like pulling teeth to get people to just hang out. .-. I'm starting to wonder if it isn't just becoming this way for everyone, ya know?

Man, I wish I knew. It's so tough! I've tried Meetups, events... I even took up a new hobby but it seems like I can never make it to the step where I actually become friends with the person instead of them just being someone I talk to.

Part of it is that I'm very wary about getting too close to people since I am gay as heck and don't identify as my birth-assigned gender (I'm agender), so I get worried that people won't understand, especially if they start thinking of me in the context of that gender and I'm too awkward to correct them. Even so, I've tried to get to know people at various things and I only end up just talking to them and not making any sort of lasting connection. It's so much easier to meet friends online... in fact, my only friend in my new area is one I met on Twitter years ago and then just happened to move 5 minutes away from. It's especially tough because my work is very exhausting yet it's the only thing in my life, so I am probably investing too much emotionally in it...

Sorry that turned into more of a vent than helping you. But basically I have a very similar problem. Fistbump, I guess?

I moved over 2000 miles( CA to West New York) for grad school in August. I met most of the people I know through my grad school program though or the roommates I got randomly assigned when I moved to my off-campus apartments. They're dorm like so roommates are assigned. For the record, I am extremely introverted. I've been that way my entire life, but I've also found that a lot of the time friends came to me and not the other way around.

That said, I have found in general that the best option is to bite the bullet and go to events alone. I personally like going to events alone, but I've found that a lot of people don't. I find it relaxing to sometimes just go to something alone, but if you end up going to events alone, you can meet other people with similar interests.

There are no drag events nearby sadly, not now anyway. 😞 I'd be delighted if there were because queens are some of the nicest people you'll meet! Nor concerts, since apparently VT is a deadzone of local (often times bluegrass) bands; it's somebody's taste in music, but not mine lol

Oh god, right? People get paranoid so easily now. Was in a bathroom to swap out my nose piercing in the mall, mom comes in with her kid (or her sister's kid, something or other). He tries to use one of the sinks near me and she gets upset. Like, ma'am, I'm NOT going to hurt him nor is he bothering me. Kids surprisingly like me, and he's just curious! Calm down. 😒

A lot of those girls will give me dirty looks when I do nothing but walk by, even if its in Hot Topic scoping the Ghibli merch like everyone else. What do I do that makes them so upset, I don't know but I'd like to! Is suddenly taboo that someone else likes Ghibli/old school Sailor Moon/etc?

Yeah, no thanks to that one.XD I know its mostly local girls/guys who just want hookups with a few comic/game related things peppered in.

I adore my online friends but it gets a little lonely when they're busy/offline and you're basically doing nothing but playing Diablo III by yourself for two hours (<-- my night last night since I didn't work this week/don't work this weekend). I should get XboxLive for myself.

Yeah! It was nice having a 2-minute or less conversation with you, but can we do more than send 2-minutes talking before going our separate ways?XP Major fist bump to you.

That's a heck of a move, jeez. Roommates can be great, as I learned, till I had to cut said person off but it is less stress in my life--they were nice and all but the situation just became messed up. No one ever seems to approach me outside of work (for obvious reasons, ha!). I wish someone would, since I'm usually browsing the web, playing a game on my iPod or window shopping. I'd go to an event, if there was one of interest for me. Next time the Sephora inside JCP has an event before work, if I'm ever so lucky, I'll try to go and hopefully at least make connections.XP

I moved without knowing anyone so I had to find an entirely different friend group once I got here. I do have a couple high school friends who live on the east coast, but they live in different states along the eastern seaboard though.

That said, I've found that if you look occupied people tend to be less inclined to approach you. So, if you look like you're doing something else, listening to music, browsing, etc. people might get the impression you want to be left alone and well, end up doing just that. I know that with some of my more extroverted friends here; they've said that they made the assumption that I didn't want to talk to them or hated them because they've said I came off as aloof and distant to them when we first met.

Is there anything else you're interested in, by any chance? farmers' markets, festivals? You could try going to one of those, but if your fiance is from Vermont, you may just be able to befriend some of his friend group.

A lot of the friends I've met over the years were through being friends with one person and then becoming friends with their friend group.I've also found that it's sometimes easier to state right off the bat if you have things like social anxiety so they don't walk around eggshells with you. I'm probably the most introverted person within my friend group most of the time, largely because the people who have no issue approaching me and whom I automatically end up being friends with tend to be the ones who are more extroverted in nature.

Also, yes, go to events. Even if you don't meet someone, you'll at least make some sort of connection through the event hopefully.

You never know, some of those dirty looks may just be resting bitch face while they look on actually thinking, "Whoa, another fan.. She seems cool.. How do I approach her?..." And honestly, if we assume things we might miscommunicate a lot reading body language like that. It's worth trying anyhow. The worst that can happen is they act like a bitch, at which point, that's their problem, not yours. But who acts like a bitch over a compliment? You'd have to be a pretty shitty person to break out into a scene over a general compliment.

Sidenote, Oh Gosh. Original Sailor Moon! I can't tell you how addicted I am to that right at this moment. It's my first time watching Sailor Moon ever and I can't believe I missed out for so long. T-T

I know how you feel about the online friends thing. Often times I come home and it's like, Welp, SonSo is out tonight... The BF is streaming LoL... Aaaaand... That's all I got. Bah! So I got more solo games.... but I get bored easy and miss playing with other people. So I end up sulking around my house a bit. Even making friends online has become hard somehow x.x;

I kinda have that problem myself right now. I only moved about 2 hours away which isn't so bad except I haven't had many friends for a long time and I relatively recently lost my last couple friends because they chose to have drama and I wouldn't play into it so they pretty much dumped me. It seems like people nowadays think you're some crazy person if you try to strike up an actual face to face conversation. I pretty much just have one friend now who I've never met irl and he's 3 hours away. I have my boyfriend too but honestly he's a busy guy so we don't actually hang out much. I miss actual hanging out with groups of friends but I haven't been able to make any for a long time. I'm thinking about trying out this church I just heard about and possibly make some friends there. It hasn't really been successful in the past but that doesn't mean it will never work.

man I wish I was brave enough to go to some events alone, but I don't want to go into the city by myself for concerts out concerns for safety. I do go to other daytime stuff by myself sometimes though. Like I went to the 7pm early showing of Avengers: AOU by myself because I wasn't going to wait around for my friends that live an hour away to decide whether they wanted to see it or not. Sigh.

Also are there a lot of Meetups (Meetup.com) around you? I haven't had much luck with it but maybe you will and at the very least you'll find out about cool events. I'm also very lucky that there's a cool comic store in my area that does all sorts of events for all different interests. They did a Magical Girl comics/manga day and I was really upset that I couldn't go because I was sick. Maybe there's something like that around you?

Best of luck with that!

When most of the people you know from your younger years have moved out of state it becomes a necessity to do stuff alone simply because otherwise you'd never get out of the house.

That said, with concerts and things like that I usually do attempt to find friends to go with because I'm short( I'm 5'3") and if I don't I usually end up getting lost in the crowd. Even then in groups, I have friends who are constantly checking in the back for me when I'm with large groups because I tend to be quiet and not speak much and they're constantly trying to make sure I'm not lost. XD

But the last couple times I've gone to comic-con alone and had a blast. I also usually end up going to movies alone because most of my friends have since moved out of state.

Sounds hard and it's quite hard to archieve at first: Stop being shy. Also don't give a damn if others think you are strange or whatever. I've always been extremely shy when I was younger, introverted and at times I would be much happier drawing or something all by myself than having to meet other people. Nver had many frieds to start out with. Someday I just decided it was time to get over it. I wanted friends and I don't wanted to be anxious about people or rather their reactions towards me anymore. For me it just made click and I was able to care less about reactions and about unpleasant things people tend to say when you look even the slightest bit different (used to wear a lot of black, including metal shirts -> "are you a satanist?" <- wtf srsly?!). You don't want just anyone as your friend and sometimes it's a long way to find the right ones. I know this might not help anyone, because especially if you have problems approaching people, making the first move and beeing around larger groups in general, but that's what worked for me.

Train yourself to care less about others in general. Also try to care much more about certain people. Show interest, like posted above try to compliment people about anything you like about them (take something you would not find weird to get a compliment about like a hairstyle or a cool shirt or that patch/button of whatever fandom). Ask questions. Don't get to personal, but in general people love to talk about themselves and their interests. If Someone is up for making friends they will gladly talk about their day, rant about work/school/etc. How will you react if you really like something and find out someone you just met likes to hear you talking about it? You don't even have to share an opinion, being able to discuss something you have interest in can also be a great thing. When meeting people a second time, try to remember those little details. They told you they like chocklate chip cookies? Bring those if you want to bring sweets. Want to watch a movie and they like a certain actor, genre, etc? Good for you! Obviously don't just do something because others like something everytime, unless you like doing it. If you'd have to then even though you might have met nice people they might not be the best choice of friends. At last you want to have fun when hanging around with them.

Don't be afraid of groups. If people are in a group they like they usually are more confident and content. If someone else was to ask if they might join there is a chance it will be much easier. Go to a movie and find yourself a group of peopleyou might want to join. "Hey there, happens I have to watch the film alone, may I join you?" Why not? Worst they can do is say no. On your way to an event and see people that seem to go there too? Ask them if you might join them until you arrive. I met some of my best friends that way, because the conversation on the way there was good enough to stay together the whole day at the end of which we exchanged numbers. Chances are good they say yes. I have had very strange people around me because they politely asked if they could join in on the way to a convention. If you get along why not hang out some more, if not, just drop them when you get there. Again worst that can happen is a no.

In general it's a good idea to get out the house. Search for a pub where they play music you like. Hang out at a (comic) book store around the books you like.

Initiative is always a good thing. Find one of these boards where you can stick notes or someplace online and post that you look for friends to hang out. If you RP it's an easy way to look for a group, if you like certain movies say you'd like people to watch and possibly discuss them with, if you play an instrument search for a band/sessions just pople to practice with, if you like drawing or crafting of any kind look for people who'd like to join you.

Don't assume others have an easy time making friends. While some people actually may be really good at it there's possibly even more of them around you who have as many problems as you do. Trusting people is not an easy task and that goes for both sides. Imagine some random person walks up to you and compliments your favourite shirt. Flattering? Yes! Scary? Maybe. Some people might see you as a freak, some might jut not be interested in you and some might be very happy to get a compliment over something they like. Accept a no, but try again with the next person who looks like a potential friend.

Thanks! My boyfriend and I are gonna go to a Pokemon city tournament today to see if we might find some nerdy people like us to befriend :P

I've had the hardest time meeting people and making friends. But since I got this job, I have a whole flock of friends, lol. Granted, we all have busy work lives so we don't hang out much at all, but I really enjoy seeing them at work and talking with them. And I know I could call on them if I wanted/needed to.

I think people approached me more with pink/blue/etc hair, but work won't allow for that. It may have just been when I was in the south that people actually made comments. There are a lot of people he's friends with that I'd rather not associate with (addiction issues, despite being okay people till they left school). >_<; Sadly, with winter setting in, there's not much really going on anymore. The next thing to happen of any importance (to me) is Deadpool in February so hopefully there'll be someone to chat up aside from my fiancé. Anime Boston can't come fast enough, finding like-minded people is easier at cons.

I hope its resting bitch face. Hate me for a legitimate reason (like stealing your puppy) so I can possibly work around it, not for something petty.

OG-Sailor Moon was the main reason I wanted to be home in the afternoon after elementary school. I was devastated when the afternoon Toonami block took it off and was then axed entirely. Don't tell a 4/5-year old their favorite show has been cut, when they have a very set routine. Routine is supposed to be good for kids, don't mess with it lol.

Good luck :D

I've been like that, waiting for someone to make up their mind or not wanting to do certain things alone cause not everywhere is safe.XP

I don't drink beer or wine (sensitive taste/sense of smell so I pick up on things), so some of the MeetUps are out of the question :,D The rest just weren't in an area of interest, like bowling. I don't play stuff like D&D or Magick The Gathering either.

I wish it were as simple as stop being shy; I'd have panicked a little less in school when I was singled out by teachers/administrators/friends. Groups intimidate me because I can't deal with multiple people visibly staring at me unless I've been around them for a while without really interacting with them.

There's not a pub or bar on this earth that plays my kind of music lol! Especially not in VT. Last time someone I wanted to see was at a bar, it was a bar where there was a lot of drug dealing/violence in a seedy part of town. Only other show was in a gay bar, which was great but there aren't any here that I know of, if at all. I can't even find the only comic book store in walking distance, because things are so clustered together; wanted to ask if they were hiring since it was much closer to home.

Everyone at work seems like they want to know each other only on a first name basis as co-workers. Maybe its just because a lot us are here temporarily.

That's so weird to me that VT wouldn't have drag/gay bars... I thought that stuff was a lot more prevalent in the Northeast but I guess it's bigger in bigger towns only, maybe? It sucks that the only concerts you're interested in are in weird areas of town and that the meetups around you aren't to your liking. I've had somewhat of that problem but thankfully there's a generic geeky one where I can kind of pick and choose with my interests.

Good luck finding the comic store, hopefully there are some cool people there.

I'm kind of resigned to just hanging with my few IRL friends once in a blue moon but most of the time just talking with people online, I guess. The one good thing about that though is it has actually made my parents and I grow closer through texting and calling--we didn't have a very good relationship before I moved out but now it's much better.

I found more gay/drag events happening in the south (like the Gay Pride parade in ATL was always a huge deal. It was under the local news' "events this weekend" segment). It might be! Or they barely come anywhere nearby lol. I know we had RuPaul's Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons in ATL but I couldn't go because it was sold out--I wanted to see it SO BAD because a lot of my favorite queens were there. Instead went to the bar near the theater where Willam was hosting the Officially Unofficial Shafterparty lol.

Oh god, I know right? D: It was a pre-Halloween show because Celldweller was going to Moscow for Halloween. I was desperate (shows in bars are cheaper than big concerts lol) but after being warned away and my now-ex being whiny, I didn't go. Now there are just no concerts nearby.XD They're often in Montreal or NY; Hollywood Undead once came to Burlington, I think but that was years ago.

Ah, it's fine. I have that issue everywhere I go :D It seems the only time I go where large groups are is anime conventions and occasional release parties for video games in support for boyfriends lol! My games never have release parties :,D

According to Apple, the tattoo shop I'm looking for is right in the same location so if I can't find it, I blame Apple lol! I'll have to try Google Maps next.

I didn't see my friends much before I moved, but with everyone in college (closest friend lived up the street but she often works the nightshift in a hospital plus goes to school like two hours+ away o_o; ), it wasn't a shock. I do the online thing most often too... Only time I interact with people is when I'm helping customers or talking to an SA in a store.XP That happened to me too, with my parents. Very frayed relationship but when they realized wtf was going on, they were more understanding as to why I flew out of there like a bat outta hell--no goodbyes, nothing. I just left. They're happy for me now though, cause I got a job shortly after moving and have been (relatively) more successful now!XD