Four years ago, I met somebody on this site, and from here, we moved on to Skype, then to Tumblr, Facebook, and just kept on chatting. I got her a care package for her birthday every year following, with the contents' worth sometimes reaching up to $150-$200. I was never given anything back in return, but I let it pass. In 2014, we decided to meet in person for an anime convention in her home state. I live in Arizona, she lives in Kansas, so I had to save up a bit. When we met in person, and got to spend a whole weekend together, I fell in love with her. We decided to make it a whole week earlier this year, and I fell even harder. That was the month we decided to live together. I spent my tax return money to move out with her and two of her friends, and it was at this time that she had made several promises to me: that I'd be welcome into her friend group with open arms, that I'd never feel lonely or left out ever again, that-after admitting she loved me back-we could start off a relationship together.

I spent almost four months out there, from around early-mid August to the end of November. In that time, she lived up to NONE of her promises. In addition to being left out of everything almost all the time, she said such hurtful things as:

"I know we've talked all these years, but I don't REALLY know you. Four years online only REALLY accounts to maybe ten days tops for me." "I can't keep you entertained all the time; just go find your own group of friends." "I know what I said about us being together, but I can't have a relationship with you until (Roomie A) and (Roomie B) approve of it first."

We shared a room, but we were all expected to pay the same amount of rent. Roomie B has a number of health problems, so that's only fair that he'd get the downstairs bedroom and bathroom to himself. Roomie A, however, had a room with a closet leading into the bathroom, while this girl and I had to share, essentially, the smallest room in the house, which she took up the most space with due to all her costuming junk. She also talked about Roomie B in a way that implied that he was angry all the time, and HATED my guts, so that if ever I had a problem, I'd be too intimidated to speak up. It turns out this was FAR from the truth, but by the time I found this out, the damage had already been done. She and Roomie A also had this "Positivity Jar" for me; basically, for every negative thing I thought about myself, I was required by them to stick a dollar in the jar. I'd work around it by putting in a fun-sized candy bar or something, but I felt SO patronized having to do this. I have Asperger's Syndrome-and she's aware of this-so sticking up for myself is difficult due to high anxiety levels when faced with confrontation. So, even with this bullshit, plus the fact that she'd make out and have sex with random strangers at parties and cons, I endured feeling like an outcast in my own home, thinking that this was just her needing time to heal after two REALLY bad relationships she had before, one right after the other. After all, she DID say she loved me back, and I was willing to believe it no matter what.

I only stopped blinding myself to the truth when my sister and my brother-in-law came to visit me for Thanksgiving. She and Roomie A were going to spend that weekend at their respective families' houses, and while I was at work, they had a few moments to meet each other. Both she and Roomie A treated my sister and brother-in-law with BLATANT disregard, talking to them less like my guests (let alone my GODDAMN FAMILY), and moreso like a maid service, expecting them to take care of Roomie B's dog for him and leaving the house behind in shambles for them. Only a couple days earlier, we all rallied up to tidy the house up for HER mother, grandmother, and aunt, but apparently, MY family isn't important enough to clean up for. THIS was the straw that broke the camel's back for me: It's one thing to disrespect ME all the time, it's another thing all together to make my FAMILY go through the same thing. So, with Roomie B's help, my sister, my brother-in-law, and I all rallied up whatever we could fit into their van (everything save my furniture, which I'm letting Roomie B sell), and moved me back to Arizona.

I'm emotionally and mentally recovering now, living at my dad's until I can find another job that pays enough for me to move out again. Still...I relapse into crying fits every now and then. I spent SO MUCH to try and win this girl's affections. She TOLD ME she loved me back, and then she goes and treats me like this. I have never felt dumber in my entire life, wasting so much time and money on her, all for nothing. I've removed her-not blocked her-on whatever social media site we followed each other on. Roomie A blocked me on everything in retaliation, even though technically, this wasn't even her fight.

I hope I can find somebody who will appreciate and respect me after all this, but right now, I'm so fucking hurt. The very first person I ever fell in love with barely even saw me as a footnote in her life. I think that's what hurts most of all: she didn't even TRY to stop me, or plead her own case. Right now, she's off doing whatever, like nothing ever happened, and I'm more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. Boy, don't I know how to pick 'em?

So...I guess, if I was to ask for advice right now, my question is how do I bounce back from something like this?

(Apologies for the earlier ping. I was gonna ask others for advice, but then figured this isn't a topic that would fall under the group's umbrella.)

I'm not too good with advice, and don't know anything besides what you've posted here, but try hanging out with people in your area or work. Just being around other people might help. It might take a really long time to heal. If you have any hobbies or passions that you can do, maybe those can help.

It's hard sometimes to get over people who you really cared about but they can just drop you like a leaf on the wind and not care. You wonder what you did, and think that it's your fault. It's not your fault that she used you. By the sounds of it, she was good at it to some degree. Telling somebody you love them is a powerful trick and can really mess with them. Unfortunately some people just toss 'love' around like it's nothing.

Yeah, I wish I learned that last part sooner.

Thanks for the advice, though. Just trying to get back on my feet after all this, and although I KNOW I did nothing wrong, I just can't help but wonder what I could've done to fix all this, right down to why she didn't say anything back in response.

I've been in the same boat, or a similar one at least. I still wonder what I did wrong, but the thought doesn't happen that often anymore. I saw the ending coming (he stopped talking to me and kind of avoided me for 2 months) but it still hurt. It's been 4 years, but for the last 2 I've been in a relationship and am a lot happier now. Just taking it slow and learning to love myself without anybody else's approval helped get me through it. It's difficult though to be independent and be able to pick yourself back up at first.

Boy howdy, am I REALLY feeling that difficulty today. Thanks again for the advice. I hope that this whole healing process speeds along.

Good luck!