I'm ok with spending much of my time alone. Want to say that first. I have plenty of hobbies, creative outlets, and I'm actually largely happy. I had a bunch of friends when I was young. Got ditched with life got hard (bah) and every year that passes... well now I basically have one friend irl ^-^;; To put it in context I spent over 5 years seeing basically 3 people aside from doctors and rare family holidays because I was in such bad shape I could barely leave the house. >///< Now? I'm trying to branch out by going to a meetup regularly and making friends there. I'm going to start volunteering, god willing, at my local LGBTQ center soon (orientation this week). Thing is... I haven't made face to face friends in years. Light connections sure, but never someone I'd know well enough just to call for the hell of it. Trying to put my life back together is a fine thing. I'm throwing myself entirely into it and doing things especially when it frightens me. I just... why the fuck am I even typing this?! D: I'm just really rusty on making that bridge between small talk and friendship.... let alone maintaining those friendships. U-U

SO!

Since I start volunteering soon.... anecdotes or suggestions on how you personally bridge that gap would be VERY appreciated ;u; Sorry for the wall of text. If you made it though all that you get a cookie and a hug D:

I'm just going to be of no use at all, but wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same situation. I don't know how to talk with people anymore, because I haven't made any friends as an adult (except for my boyfriend). It's like things just stay on the acquaintance level and never progress into actual friendship. D:

One thing I recommend is this one blog post, One Simple Habit That’ll Make You Great At Conversations by Charlie Houpert. I find it really helps when meeting new people.

I've also noticed that making plans with people is really important. I mean, of course you can't be like "Want to go to the beach with me on Sunday?!" the first time you meet someone. XD But if you've talked to someone a few times and you find out they're looking forward to the same movie as you, or if they talk about a new restaurant they want to check out, you can casually mention you're interested in the same thing. This is probably easier if you can form a small group of people to attend those kind of things, though, because depending on the situation it can seem creepy if you're targeting only one person lol. But yeah what I mean to say is that doing things together bind people together. Might seem obvious but. It wasn't always so obvious to me. :D

- The bridge you're describing is a very familiar to me. I went through the same thing a few years ago.

I had crippling depression and anxiety, and I didn't talk to anyone from high school (10 years ago) to 3 years ago. There was even a point for a year after high school that I barely went outside. Even when I had to start working 4 years ago, I didn't talk to anyone, except about necessary work things.

What got me to start talking to coworkers was the desire to move on with my life and that I was bored. I was still not comfortable for a while though, even after going to therapy. I did volunteer, which helped a bit, but it was just work related stuff. I didn't really talk to anyone casually or hang out with anyone until I went back to college 2 years ago.

All but 2 college friends are gone, as I've discovered who I really am. From these college friends, I've been introduced to some of my friends and my now fiance. I have a small group of friends, and I feel comfortable with this.

My advice: go at your own pace. Do not feel forced to talk in the meetup. You can get a feel for the people there and see how they act. If anyone says something negative about your shyness or is very pushy to make to talk, then they are definitely not friend worthy. If someone is understanding and talks without being intrusive, then that's someone you can have small conversations with. If it turns out the whole group is hostile towards you, don't go back and find another group.

The bridge is very difficult to cross. If you're still struggling to figure out who you are, you're most likely going to go through a few dud friends before finding the keepers. But, remember the dud friends are learning lessons and will help you discover who you are.

A healthy friendship grows naturally. This is essential to remember.

Good luck! :D

Bah! You WERE useful, and kind to boot! Thank you for sharing and for the blog post (I'm going to read it right after posting this, promise!) You. Are. An. Angel. Oh my god! That post was fantastic ^-^ I'm going to try out my answers tomorrow! And you're totally right. While it might seem easier targeting one person... yeah that got me into trouble before XDD Wrong signals evidently ^-^;; So! Things that bind people together instead. May seem obvious to some as you said, but not to me :P I'll be wishing you luck on your own travels through the falls and climbs of friendship ^-^ (with people actually responding to my desperate plea you could even subscribe to the thread like me for tidbits XDD)

Oh my. Hello my rippling reflection. Thank you so much for sharing! So many points connected and I'm going to try and take your advice to heart! I'm definitely going to try and change the conversation in my head regarding dud friends :3 They really are lessons aren't they? Ok here's hoping for the natural progression of friendships!

- I'm glad I could help! ^-^

Hi there, ! You've gotten some great responses already but I though I might have one more that could help.

Let me start with explaining where I came from in this situation to where I am now. Sometime towards the end of high-school and start of college, I began to feel increasingly anti-social. I had already struggled with depression and anxiety in a bad home environment for years and without the normalcy of a daily school life which forced me into interacting with others, I began to withdraw even from the friends I had left. I won't say I was totally happy on my own, but I was definitely more unhappy when I had to leave what I considered my "Box." My box was my safe-zone. It varied between my room when family was home, to my entire house when they were out. It was where I felt absolutely comfortable and not on edge.

Fast forward to today, I still struggle to leave my box, but I've grown socially considerably. Back then, I wouldn't even be writing this post for fear of sounding silly or insulting you on accident. In fact, that fear is still there on some level.

The thing that helped me was Goal Setting. I'm a planner and list-maker at heart. The more I can plan something the more comfortable I feel moving towards it. It's the difference between saying, "I'm going to work out everyday." and "I'm going to do 15 situps, 10 pushups, and 25 squats in sets of 5 everyday." When I feel I know exactly what I have to do, I feel more assured that those blunders I worry about won't happen and it makes it easier to step out of my box. Going outside is still hard, I make lists for the grocery store so I can plan my route. If something dumb happens, I do still think about it a lot that day. But being prepared as best I can helps.

This concept applies to my friendships as well. I make mental timelines on moving forward or caring for friends. "This week I'll text my BFF to hang out and commit to at least 1 day, no excuses." or "I've spoken to coworker a few times and they mentioned loving that one restaurant that I do. I'll ask tomorrow if sometime this week they'd like to catch dinner after work there for fun." or "For the hell of it, this week I'm going to have a conversation with so and so, and so and so." or do something nice for them.

I guess on some level I treat it a little like a game. It's a little weird I guess, but it helps me branch out and with practice, it becomes more natural. I also set rules for myself like, "I can turn down 1 invite this week per an accepted invite out." So if friend A invites me out, I have to say yes, but then when friend B does, I'm allowed to say no. It's not that I don't care for them either, I'm just much easier to interact with surprisingly, Online, because I'm more comfortable there, especially when home in my "box."

Most importantly, any friend worth having will understand or at the very least if they can't grasp the concept, support you through whatever you need. My BFF has known for years now that getting me out of the house is like pulling teeth. But she also doesn't force it and she still stands by my side when I can manage up the willpower to go out. Just the other day she even said to me, "I'm proud of you lady!" when I went to the gym with her and did my best(1st time I went in years!) I try to repay it in ways I know how, Extra special notes in her birthday card. Heartfelt texts when I'm feeling brave.

Sorry this is so long, but I hope it adds something that helps. Also, Your name is super cute!

Your response really did help! Thank you for the long response (nothing to be sorry about) and posting it despite your fear of it sounding silly or insulting (it was nothing of the sort I promise :3) I appreciate the time, effort, heart and thoughts that went into it. <3 I also have/had some issues with fear/anxiety from leaving the house. Been in there so long it just kind of happens :P Goal setting is one way that I've been able to get out more, but the way you apply it? Even better. I've got to think about this one for a while and how to apply it to my life. But it has the feel of massive potential once I figure out how to utilize it. Hmmm I wonder what goals I can set this week oUo

*Love your name too btw :P