tl;dr included but please read all ok

Heeeeeeeeeey guys. So I need a job really badly and I don't drive yet (I know, I'm 25 and don't drive - FEAR). There's a Chili's up the street that is close walking distance convenient... if even hiring e_e

Anyway, my problem is that I have ///really/// bad social anxiety and I'm soo0oo incredibly awkward that right now the thought of even walking in there and asking if they're hiring is making me cry. Like the kind of crying where if I were in public and someone saw me they'd think I lost my little brother or something.

I'm this person: "Thanks! You too!" when someone wishes me a happy birthday.

Also this one: Anyone ever: "Hey, how are you?" Me: "Thanks"

And this too: People that I wish would stop asking me this: "What's new with you?" Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhhmm" (clearly thinking too long and it's awkward because everyone just assumes you have a LIFE when they ask that)

To not be entirely pessimistic: I think a strength of mine is definitely humor (not a work skill in the slightest BUT)... Cause that doesn't get you a job lol. I just mean if I had the job I could be friendly and slide by being /too/ awkward with some lol's...?

And um, I've been told a lot that my position would be a hostess because I'm "a really cute girl". Mind you I don't have much self esteem but I know I'm a little attractive.

tl;dr THIS WHOLE THING LEADS TO Are you awkward and/or have social anxiety and have worked as a restaurant host before? In dire need of tips/advice, survival stories, what the job requires, general knowledge and stuff.

Thank you in advance if you read this and replied! <3

Congrats on trying this and going out and bettering yourself! It takes a lot of willpower, especially with social anxiety, so good for you! My post is gonna be kinda long too so bear with me :)

I used to have crazy social anxiety too, like terrified to talk on the phone with a family member (let alone a stranger), completely blindsided when someone asked me what was up (like you described), and just pretty anti social because even if I didn't have the fear people were annoying anyway. BUT good news, social anxiety IS VERY much a thing you can get over. It's not easy or comfortable or will happen over night but I overcame mine and I couldn't be more proud of myself. Getting into a conversation with a stranger was something I'd never even dreamed of just a couple years ago so yes there is hope!

My roommate is 25 as well and has a little social anxiety and is super awkward too. He recently got the opportunity at his job to change positions from a mechanic to a front desk service guy, and we all urged him to do it. He wanted to go for it but it meant a lot of face to face time with customers and that was going to be a huge challenge for him. He's been at it for almost 2 months now and he says it's still hard but has gotten easier and he's finding his niche up there at the desk. So again, there is hope :)

If you want to get over or just lessen your social anxiety, you're going to have to treat it like any other fear and face it. Working in the front of house in restaurants is good because you completely immerse yourself in the public and constantly have to deal with it every day and it forces you to work on and face your fear.

I've worked in restaurants throughout my entire life so I know the in's and out's of that shit. First of all, no job in a restaurant is easy. From the janitor to the prep cook to the nighttime cook to server to busboy, that shit is hard. Restaurants are an extremely demanding job during their busy hours and there are a million ways you can screw up. But there are also a million ways you can succeed! As a hostess your main job is to greet guests and seat them, keep the front of house tidy, and help anyone else out that you can. Seems easy but that is a lot more than it sounds.

I was a hostess at 2 different restaurants. First one I loved, second one not so much. The main factor was the clientele and that ALL depends on location and time of day. For you, I would definitely apply to be a day time/lunch time host. It'll get busy but it won't be a bombardment like it would be at night. You'll have someone training you every step of the way because you're new to restaurant work and they will not just throw you to the wolves. During a restaurant's down time (on a weekday you're usually only busy for 1-2 hours during lunch time) you can catch a breather and get to know your coworkers and get familiar with your surroundings and ask questions.

Turnover in restaurants is VERY high. There are always people leaving so they're always looking to hire new people. Chili's is a corporate restaurant so I can almost guarantee they're hiring - if not actively looking to hire, they're always accepting applications, so if they do need someone new they can pull people's applications in their system and give them a call.

I'm gonna cut it off there but I could go on and on. I guess my main point would be that restaurants are HARD work but you can get over your anxiety through them by facing your fear. It will not be easy. You will feel completely overwhelmed at times (everyone does, that's just part of the job) but it'll gradually get easier. If you get hired, then please give it at LEAST 2 weeks (after doing all the paperwork and corporate training videos and stuff I mean). I wish you the absolute best of luck, and if you have any other questions then don't be afraid to ask!

One thing that makes a huge difference is just remembering your role and the appropriate responses for every situation. "___ people in your party? We'll seat you in one moment." "Hi how are you? There's a bit of a wait at the moment but I'll let the server know and they'll seat you soon" "Thanks for coming!"

It also helps alot to remember that most people are here to relax and enjoy their food, and don't like to see the workers around them stressing out too much. All the horror stories about terrible customers are real, and they exist everywhere, but usually only a fraction of people are really that shitty.

I'm bad at job interviews too, don't have much to say besides the general "I think I'm perfect for this job because ___ and ___ and ___" but it usually helps to just listen to what the manager has to say about the job and ask all the right questions about the work.

Goals and Repetition/"Auto-Mode!"

These are my go-to ways of getting through my anxiety and depression.

Set mini-goals for yourself, big goals, etc. And also consider how to achieve them. Maybe it would be easier to call the location and ask if they are hiring and how to apply. Then you can plan the conversation and have it from your "safe-zone." Write down what you plan to say and practice it.

"Hi, I was wondering if your location might be hiring and how I would apply?"

Once you achieve that, consider Googling, "Job interview practice questions." things like that etc. Read up on typical interview questions and practice out loud how you would respond. I can tell you now the big ones are, "Tell me about a situation where you have had to show leadership." "Tell me how you might handle an upset customer."

Also consider checking out articles on things not to do or say at an interview.

When you do apply, Make a "Jobs Applied To" notepad and write down "Chilis, (date applied), Call back on (week from submission of app)"

Do that for each place you apply to keep track of it and make sure to meet the goals of calling back. When you call back, say something like, "Hi, My name is so and so and I submitted an app about a week ago hoping to try and get a position working with (place.) I just wanted to call and check that it was received and ask if you hold apps and for how long?"

Note the response on that Jobs notepad and make sure to reapply when the app time is up. The second call is important because when you speak to the manager and give your name it sets in stone, "Here's a person genuinely interested in a job." and it lets you know when to reapply.

Make sure your resume is uptodate as well and consider looking online to see ways to make an impressive resume.

Now once you get your foot in the door, you will spend the first few shifts training. Be prepared to learn quickly and show enthusiasm. I know, I know, this is really hard but in the service industry it is dire. Follow the cues of other staff, pay attention to phrases they use and repeat them. "Hi, Welcome to (Place!) How many are in your party?" "Thank you and have a great day!" "Can I get you anything else?" Mentally, tell yourself to be proud and happy. Proud of what? Whatever you can. Maybe you straightened the menus, Be proud. Use it as a boost. When you create phrases that you use over and over it becomes more of an automatic response vs. something you can stumble over.

Create a Routine as well, if you see another coworker regularly tidies up the entrance area, tell yourself to also do this every x amount of minutes. Be aware of your surroundings and practice looking people at least in the general area of their face and taking consideration to be preemptive to their needs rather than waiting for them to ask. In that kind of job, Good customer service can win you the job but letting shyness and anxiety get in the way of you offering assistance to a customer or failing to be friendly enough can lose the job for you. It's better to go above and beyond and have them tell you, "You don't have to clean this area so often." than "When you're working in this area you need to regularly go around and see that nothings on the floors, etc."

With anxiety and shyness, we have the unfortunate problem of easily looking "lazy" or "rude" in the service industry because we don't jump out with friendliness right away or step out of our "circles of routine" to take initiative to do things before their a problem or to solve them of being a problem. But you can do this! I was just turning 21 when I got my first job, and thankfully my boss let me learn my way through my anxiety and shyness, but she told me she was almost worried I wouldn't make it in the job because of it. I worked there for 3 yrs as one of her most dependable employees. To this day, I still don't drive either. I either walk, bus or ride a bike. Once you are comfortable in a job too the fear of losing the job becomes more prevalent and helps you branch out on impulse. Which, while scary, has helped me grow a ton these last 4 years.

If anything, you can always come ask for more advice later too! I know I'd be more than happy to talk you through whatever I can! Sorry for the wall of text, I'm a very detail oriented person xD

Thank you all so much for taking the time to give such detailed responses! I've been reading them and taking note all this important stuff you've provided! I can tell now that can't just go up to a place now to apply... that would be kinda stupid since I was uninformed about a lot of this stuff lol. Not gonna rush, practice the best I can. Hoping my friend will help me out when I see her in a couple days. It might be helpful for her to play a manager role or something so I can work on making eye contact with questions I'm not used to answering or being asked at all, rather. P: And don't worry about all the writing you've all done! I appreciate it much more than a completely vague response and so happy that you've taken the time to share your knowledge. :D

Glad I could offer some insight. If you want ideas or some info on how some other jobs might operate, what kind of things you could be doing, etc. I can offer advice about Starbucks Barista, Grocery Stores/Bakery Dept., and Hotel work. Just let me know :)

Otherwise, Good luck! And remember You can do the thing!

you can do it! even if you fail, don't give up! use it as lesson to improve. Slowly you'll get more comfortable with social situations and you won't appear as awkward.

thank you for your lengthy reply above. I'll make sure to learn what you said, and put it to [hopefully] good use.

thank you so much! i'll keep that in mind! :'D

thank you for the encouragement! i keep trying to tell myself the same stuff... i'm terrible at convincing myself lol :/ i'm trying to make an effort to improve on at least something every day though. better than no improvements at all i think :')

i'm really bad at encouraging myself as well. or at taking encouragement from others. improving one thing a day is indeed better than not doing anything at all.

i started to try and remind myself each day to be thankful for the things i have instead to think of those i don't and need or want. i'm hoping thay by being grateful, i will put out positive energy that will slowly transform into the good things i'm hoping for myself. [if this makes any sense at all] doing so can build self confidence - something we all could need a little bit more of. ;)