Hey. So I have depression, anxiety, probably autism and a whole host of brilliant side affects which stem from that. One of them is that I have self confidence and weight issues: I'm 16, 5'5, and 10 stone 1. Which apparently is a 'healthy, natural weight'. However.. I look at myself, and I hate what I see. I just look.. awful. I feel overweight, I look overweight, I want to lose weight.. but I have utterly no motivation to do anything, which sucks. And to top it off, I feel like I can't talk to my mum about any of this, as she'd just ask a ton of questions and try to drag me to a gym, or go running with her.. which is sweet, but would just make me feel worse (paranoia)

Long story short, I need motivation. I have the most wonderful boyfriend who supports me with all this, yet I still can't find the motivation to do what I know will make me happier. Does anyone here have any advice, or motivational support, or anything they think could help? Thank you

What makes you feel overweight? What triggered the thoughts? We can't inject motivation into you because we can't want more than you c: Do you have any kind of social worker in your school or nearby health/social provider?

Just.. how I look really, my body just looks overweight to me. I've always felt like this, but way more so than usual recently. I think that's because I went to MCM Expo, a convention like Comic Con, and there were just so many people there who just looked utterly amazing, and.. I felt inferior compared to them, I guess

Mental health care around here kinda sucks, as I'm in the gray area between child (up to 16) and adult (Over 18). I've tried counselling before and found it made things worse, but I've been referred to a different place anyway to see if it helps, although I doubt I'll be accepted

I see. So if I understand, you kind of compare yourself to others? How are you eating?

Counselling made it worse, what do you mean?

I definitely compare myself to others, as much as I try not to. I know I eat kinda unhealthily, its just hard to not do so when my mum prepares food for me and my sister at the same time, and its also what she likes. The last time I tried to take over food prep for myself she didn't like it, and I'd rather not get her involved in this as much as I can. (it doesn't help that I'm a really fussy eater, as I can't deal with some textures of food)

I went to counselling for depression, and to start off, it didn't even do anything. It made my depression (and by proxy, self confidence) worse as I didn't want to go, thinking about it made me even more paranoid about everything, and.. basically I'm not good at being counselled.

The thing is that you may need to do small changes by yourself to achieve a result. Learning to make what you like, how you like is a good step towards healthier habits. Do you know how to cook? See if you can find online (and near your house) any type of commune cooking group. I used to go when I was your age to learn how to cook healthy for cheap. You don't have to force your family to like what you eat.

The fact that you didn't want to go ruined the experience. If you're not willing to accept the help, not a single person will be able to help you. Sometimes, we are terrified of showing a side of us that we don't want to. However, it can help to do it and to give you some empowerment.

Its more the fact that my mum likes preparing meals for both me and my sister that's the issue, but I'll try and see what I can do about that. I wish there was something like that around here, but type of thing just doesn't exist where I live

I tried to accept it, and I managed to go the whole time, just.. paranoia made it awful, which typically is something they were meant to help with

You need to write out why you feel this way so you can tackle the problem head-on. I have had an eating disorder since I was in 7th grade (2007), and now I am 21. It still lingers on my life but it has gotten a lot better. The best thing to do is fix the issue before it can develop into something worse. Make sure you have someone to talk to about all the thoughts and issues you are currently having. Someone supportive, like your boyfriend.

Next, is find hobbies you enjoy doing. Not just working out. Like drawing, weaving, sewing, cosplay, planting, pottery, running, yoga, karate, animals, etc. There's a lot of options. Try to find yourself in these hobbies. Try waking up an hour early and just go for a brisk 15 minute walk, come back, shower, and get ready. How your morning goes is a huge key to how your day will go. Make sure you make the most of your mornings.

Your mom may or may not be the best option to talk to about this, because I do not know the relationship/and or situation fully. Do you have a school nurse/therapist you could see?

If you have any questions about ED and recovery, please feel free to DM! hugs

I have a bunch of hobbies (drawing/crafting mainly), just an utter lack of motivation to do them as well.. Trust me, I know all too well that mornings affect everything. I used to have meltdowns in the mornings about the silliest little things, which then effectively ruined the rest of the day. >.<

I'm currently waiting to see if I can be referred to some different counselling, but there is counselling available at my college. However, I've tried counselling like it before, and it didn't help, so I don't know whether to try it again..

hugs

i was in your shoes at your age. depression had me feeling awful, yet i was too sad to do anything about it. i might end up rambling and posting something long, but please read it and take it to heart. i'm nearly 24 and i'd like to think i can help hahaha n.n

i'll start off with the fact that nearly every person has fat rolls, dimples, craters, stretchmarks, uneven skin, sun spots, scars, sagging, wrinkles, freckles/moles, zits, acne scars, and everything else considered a 'flaw,' no matter their body composition!! beauty standards do not exclude anyone from this. magazines photoshop everything. people put filters on every selfie now. try to not compare yourself to unhealthy, unreachable standards, okay? that's one step.

honestly, exercising and eating better helps with body image to an extent. the rest is up to you. i can't tell you enough how much it has helped me to recondition my brain to stop attacking/comparing myself. i have so many flaws, but i've learned to not take it all so seriously.

i stopped badgering myself. i stopped competing with people. it took years of practice and i have days where i feel down, but here i am. i used to NEVER take photos at the angles i do now, bc i DESPISED my nose. now, i kinda love it and i take photos from the side, from below-- angles i would've NEVER done in the past. i used to hate how big my thighs are, but now i take photos sitting on them like, yes, everyone look at my thighs are they not magnificent??? they jiggle and they've got veins and stretch marks and they sometimes bulge out of shorts, but goddamn i'm feeling them.

you gotta learn to feel yourself. feel your curves and rolls and dimples. feel your facial flaws. feel that shit and love it. love your face with and without makeup. love your body in pjs and all dressed up. it's who you are.

you are truly your own worst critic, which means you can be your own best fan. fake confidence until you start to feel it for real. no lie, that helps. crack silly jokes about how perfect/smart/attractive you are. if someone says the weather is beautiful or something, be like, "hair flip thanks, i know i am." bat ya damn eyelashes. in the end, you're complimenting yourself and it makes your heart feel warm. shrug off insecurities. literally. if you look in the mirror and your mind is like, "ugh i look so gross i hate this and that," literally SHRUG and walk away from the mirror and carry on like, oh well!

when you walk places, walk with your back straight and head high. look forward like you've got somewhere important to be. walk with confidence. this sounds silly but it makes me feel so powerful lmfaooo if i walk slumped, staring at the ground, i feel so small. for real, try it. do it at school as you're walking to class. straight, head up, looking forward past everyone. it's weird at first, but it will make you feel invincible. unstoppable.

i still have a long way to go, myself. i'm not perfectly happy. my self esteem isn't perfect and magical hahaha. i work on it every day.

one last thing, don't be so critical of other people. i used to be judgmental and petty when i was in high school. i trained myself to stop doing that too. it honestly makes you feel fresh and positive. it helps you feel good about yourself. it's a win win situation. stop judging other people's appearances and you not only help yourself, but you make other people feel comfortable and confident too. like, compliment people even if you don't dig their outfit or makeup. make people feel good, it benefits everyone. don't be filthy and trash people constantly. it's a gross habit and it'll weigh you down.

I've found that listening to music as I walk makes me more confident, as I can just ignore the world around me.. shame you can't do that utterly everywhere you go.

I try my best to not judge others, if anything I look at a person and see whats better about them than myself, which I know I should try and stop, but its hard :/

dude yes!! i agree!! i wear headphones when i'm grocery shopping and stuff like that. not that people approach me often, but it makes me feel safe from people talking to me lmao i usually wear them when i'm feeling anxious. it helps a lot.

i know what you mean. i'm still guilty of that. it's a hard habit to quit, but it's worth fighting.

I have pretty short purple/blue-green hair, so I can't avoid weird looks, but people pretty much never talk to you if you have on headphones, which is awesome.

It definitely is, however hard it is..

I can sympathize with you. I have my own issues with depression/anxiety etc. I also have ADHD, which, I've learned makes starting tasks very hard. When it comes to feeling motivated about things it's best to start small. Instead of dragging yourself to the gym just take a quick walk a couple of times a week. Make a list of things you want to get accomplished so when you do get them finished and can cross them off you'll feel proud of yourself. With depression, anxiety, any of those things you have to make small goals. Hope that helps a bit!

I'm surprised that I haven't thought of making a list of things myself; normally I love making lists.. I'll definitely do that, and try to always carry it around with me. Thanks c: