I just...feel like I need to get this off my chest and maybe see if anyone else has been through the same (or a similar) thing. I also need some advice...(bolded part). This is the bravest I've ever been.

I've been at company X in the UK (small time retail, sales advisor) for 2 years 8 months. It was my first job even though I was 20 at the time. I had no previous job experience/qualifications and was taken on purely due to my interview skills and personality. I was somewhat confident and pretty determined to become employed after being unemployed for 2 years previous. I'd struggled pretty intensely between the years of 15-18 with major depression, which I was diagnosed and treated for. I was on Prozac for a couple of years which helped, but I still remained what I had become; a hermit. I didn't leave the house and I gave up completely on school, feeling like I was in this weird bubble, separate and unable to make/keep friends. I began to sleep 12-14 hours a day every day. Worse, my schedule tilted way towards being up at night/asleep in the day. I failed school and left with nothing.

Rolling forwards to ages 18-20 I felt much better in myself, my sleeping had improved with different medication and after having seen doctors and I was determined to sort my life out. I was unemployed for around 2 years, during which I was off Prozac but became pretty depressed again without it (and without any medication other than the one for my sleep disorder).

So at aged 20, I really did want to work in this particular shop and spoke directly to the manager. He said there was someone leaving there very soon and he would need someone to fill the position. Only part-time, but as I was living with my parents, plus my prior sleep disorder of sleeping too much being treated but not totally gone, plus I just needed some experience/was dying to get off of the unemployment money, I was hyped when he rang me and asked me to start work immediately. I basically felt that my depression was perpetuating itself by my not doing anything with my life, so a job would give me something to shoot for, to be good at, to aim higher with. It was only a small company, so 1 store manager, 1 assistant manager, 1 supervisor and 6 sales advisors.

I soon find, that after a few months, my manager (whom I work almost every shift with on the shop floor in close proximity for 4-6 hour chunks) is in fact (and this is absolutely no word of a lie): manipulative, patronising, borderline sexist, intimidating, unprofessional, childish, unnecessarily sarcastic, arrogant, paranoid, stubborn, always has to be right and is a bully. Being so new and of not much confidence, I thought that every time he was any of these things to me, it was my fault. I did something wrong so I deserved it, right? He's been the manager of this store for over 7 years. He knows what he's doing, right? The store's doing really well, it makes tones of profit for the company. He must be a good manager.

6 months into the job, I'm having regular anxiety attacks during shifts, sweats, trouble breathing and depression worse than ever before due to my rapidly deteriorating confidence in myself. I was dreading every shift due to his intense nitpicking. I was digging my nails into my palms just to cope with him, scratching my arms with my nails out of this horrific inner panic. The job was not so much of a problem once I had learned the ropes - it was just the manager. I get put on Sertraline by my doctor, which I am still on to this day. It helps, but after another year of being on this new medication, it helped me clarify that as I got stronger in confidence and as a sales advisor, that it wasn't me with the problem. It was all him. That when I did something wrong, he went about it in entirely the wrong way.

Over the 2 years, 8 months that I've worked there, I've seen him make several members of staff (always girls, young, around the same age as me) break down in tears. On more than one occasion has he made me crumble as well. I'm ashamed to say that I have cried many, many times because of him. My assistant manager turns a blind eye, because she is romantically involved with him. Whether or not she originally wanted to be and is now trapped, I have no idea, because she's a lovely person and deserves much, MUCH better than him. I know that she doesn't condone his behaviour. There's just nothing she can do about it. I begin to realise that it isn't just me that feels this way after about 2 years, that other staff members hate him and that he's treated them just as badly, if not worse.

I find it odd that nobody has reported him...then I think...maybe people have but head office don't care, because he gets results. The store always does well. Really well. This worries me and I don't complain formally. I feel like they will believe him over me. It strikes me as weird that head office haven't inquired into why 6 staff members (long-term) have quit over a period of 9 months. This seems unusually high (and I found out two weeks ago that this is a ridiculously high number). But because I work so closely with him (as do the rest of the staff) reporting him and causing an enquiry would just cause him to make our lives hell too and it's way too obvious who has complained even if it is done anonymously, because of the staff team being so tiny. I didn't think it was worth it.

Bringing this up to present day, I found out a few weeks ago that head office (aka his bosses) know what he is like. They know how he treats people. They know how he is. But they can't fire him because he's been with the company for so long and because technically, he hasn't committed gross misconduct. He knows this and has arrogantly told me and other staff before 'they won't fire me because they need me' and 'they won't do anything' and 'who do you think they will believe? They're more likely to believe me because I've been here for so long'.

He has said outrageous things to me and other staff members. A girl who turned 18 earlier this year that works with me quoted him as saying to her, 'Oh great, now you'll be popping out babies left and right'. This was out of the blue, because she's quite a quiet soul and it was just generally a really inappropriate comment. When she was speaking to someone else on staff about sperm whales (they're interested in marine life) he just randomly went 'oh yeah, you're used to sperm aren't you?' to her. She looked so shocked that she didn't know what to say. Like I say, she's adorably quiet/sweet and had only had one long-term boyfriend, which was none of his business anyway.

He has stood and watched me make mistakes and then had a go at me for making them instead of stopping me. He has told me that he thinks I stole money from the till because there was an extra £10 at the end of the day (which might not have even been my mistake), telling me that I could be storing it in there to take at a later date. I am an honest person with no history of anything criminal or theft-related and he had zero reason to believe this other than he's paranoid with no trust for anyone. He has belittled me and made me feel guilty for asking for holiday time off that I am entitled to by law and had worked for (you get a certain number of hours off per year which can add up if you don't take it regularly) and has even gone as far as calling me 'selfish' for taking it. He makes me feel stupid for asking reasonable questions with me not wanting to just do the wrong thing. He has implied that my issues are all in my head. He has challenged me about calling him a bully and intimidating in the past and has told me to either 'report him right now in front of him or don't' (goes back to earlier arrogance about knowing he's safe). He has directly called me a 'failure', despite my above-average performance in work (as evidenced by my sales figures and percentages). I could go on and on and on.

Just under two weeks ago, I couldn't take it any more. I can't work another Christmas with him. I can't work there, under him, any more. I have gotten much stronger and I refuse to put myself in that stressful situation. I just don't deserve that shit. I handed in my two weeks' notice. I realise when I do this that two other staff members (one of which is the supervisor) have also handed in their notices. We are leaving on the 30th Sep, 6th Oct and the 16th Oct respectively. We have debated complaining about him formally once we are gone, but it will still be our words against his. We're not sure whether to go through with it or not. The thing stopping me is that he will be a previous manager and may be needed for references in the future - I don't want to burn that bridge.

Meanwhile I applied for a temporary 3 month Christmas job at company Y (with two or more permanent positions for chosen people to have in January). Aced the interview, aced the first shift, was asked to stay longer even because I was doing a better job than the other temps due to my experience in retail and my learning curve. Different kind of store entirely but I took it in my stride and I quickly realise that hey, this is how management are -supposed- to treat you, this is how it's -supposed- to be. Thus I'm on the way to something better. I'm strongly hoping for one of those permanent places in January, because I've taken a huge risk and if I don't get kept on, I will be unemployed in 3 months' time. But I feel that it is worth the risk. So worth the risk. Just to be out from under my soon to be former manager. And if I don't get kept on with company Y, I can take my experience and go somewhere else (although I'm still going to try like hell!).

I am so sorry you have to put up with this asshole. I suffer from depression too and I know how difficult it can be, truly. Especially in a work situation. I am so lucky to have found the position I have currently, as a front desk receptionist at an assisted living place. I get to be online and listening to music most of the time and my coworkers and boss are absolutely amazing. I feel so lucky to have this. I really hope you can get something similar soon.

But as far as what to do with the boss situation: report him. I would not hesitate one second to report him. Make sure you have dates, times, and details when you write/email/call head office. A letter is the best idea because then there's a paper trail. Make sure you save yourself a copy. And try to get your coworkers who've had bad dealings with him write in as well. That way there's corroborating stories. Even if this won't help your situation, you don't want anyone else to deal with him.

Whatever you decide to do, and whatever your future holds, I wish you the best of luck!!

Thank you so much and I'm happy for you by the way! :)

You're definitely right in that I wouldn't wish him on anyone. I don't want him to get away with how he treats people any longer. I don't have exact dates and times because it's been so long and there have just been so many instances. But we can definitely quote him and explain how he's been towards us. On paper is a very good idea.

Sounds good. I really hope all of this goes well for you. No one should have to deal with such people.

Report him. There's a chance he won't be a good reference anyways for you. If he's that much of an asshole he could do anything from pretending you never worked there to simply saying hateful things. If you need it, I would try and get a written reference from him in advance. Signed and dated.

I never thought about doing that, that's a good idea. Because he is so petty as to refuse to give a reference if he feels like I've been selfish or whatever. It's not legal to give a bad reference but he can refuse and to a future employer, that is worse. Thank you for your advice!