So my fiance' s best friends are coming into town for our wedding from the Friday before the wedding until the Sunday after the wedding. They will be staying at our house and he is uncomfortable leaving them at our house alone. We are going on our honeymoon two weeks after the wedding. He argues that we don't need to spend time alone the night of and we should just party with our friends and then go to bed because we are just going to celebrate us at the honeymoon. I want to get a room where we can spend time alone at least at some point in the night instead but he says he can't justify in his mind spending the extra money. I'm kind of at a loss, because I agree it is a lot of money for one night when he says, he may just pass out when we get there, but it still means something to me? We just get into arguments when we discuss it so I was curious what subeta had to say.

This response is definitely going to reflect how little I know of your current situation, so I'm sorry in advance for all the questions, but I'm just trying to speculate on your situation :P Bear with me. How much does he usually see his best friends? Because I can understand if he doesn't see them often, that he wants to spend some time with them. But ultimately this wonderful day is about you two, and if this particular night is very important to you, there should at least be an option to go somewhere to be alone the two of you. Have you told him how important this is to you? Marriage is about compromises, and I think it's perfectly understandable to want the wedding night to happen. Would there be an option to ask the friends to perhaps go out on the town after the party, so you could have some time alone? I'm sure they'd understand your reasoning, and while it's unfortunate if they don't feel like it, there's no harm in asking. (I hear you saying house, it could be ideal if you had a yard, where you could just pitch a tent and let them sleep out there that night, heh. Of course I don't know how many friends we're talking about, but it's possibly cheaper to borrow a tent than spend money on a room for you.) All in all, I think you should have your wedding night. Or at least the opportunity to have it if you aren't too tired. Hope this was useful in any way, and congratulations on getting married :)

He usually sees them about once a year, last year was a whole lot more because all of his other friends were getting married lol, and each of them also "went away" the night of. We usually invite them down to go do something every four month though most don't always come down. We have discussed it at length but every time it ends up in a fight because he says what is one night different than any other. We are already living together.

He said that he is going to kick them out of the house for a couple of hours, which I don't really see happening but it could be a possibility. He doesn't want them to all have to spend money on a hotel themselves because it is about 10 or so friends and they would be spending about 1000 dollars on hotel fees.

Thanks, I do feel like this helped, maybe I wont get the room and he will kick them out. I'll keep my fingers crossed. :D I am pretty excited about it all its in 31 days

I get what he means by that, but just because it's "no different" than any other night doesn't mean it can't be special. It's what you make of it :P At least I'm glad he's intending to create a timeframe for some alone-time :) Wow, so soon! Sounds super exciting ^^

I'm gonna be real for a second, as someone who just got married in December: The "wedding night" is generally pretty unspectacular. It's honestly better if you lower your expectations just a bit in preparation for that all too likely possibility, otherwise you may find yourself disappointed when you pass right out before your new husband even has a chance to kiss you goodnight.

Yeah, I can understand you wanting your wedding night to be special; it's built up in everyone's heads as this magical evening with rose pedals and fireworks - but the fact is the majority of couples don't have sex on their wedding night. It's a BIG day, which means BIG exhaustion as soon as you can finally stop for a second (even moreso if either one of you drinks during the reception).

I can definitely understand where your fiance is coming from; you're already spending money on the wedding, the dinner, the reception, the honeymoon... You don't want to ask your friends to spring for a hotel just for one night, but you don't mind asking your husband-to-be to do so after everything you've already spent thus far? Yes, marriage is about compromise - but that doesn't always mean it has to be his compromise.

I say get the room, you only get married once (touch wood). It doesn't even have to be expensive, if its important to you go for it.

Gaaah I have many thoughts on this! In no particular order:

1. I'm a little surprised that the friends aren't making their own arrangements to spend ONE night, the wedding night, in alternative accommodation. Staying at your place the rest of the time fine, but not the wedding night. Everybody knows the wedding night is a "thing", so they must know they'd be getting in the way a bit. I'd never dream of playing third wheel like that! How awkward would that be! They should be giving you guys that special time together. And it is special. A wedding is mainly about the guests, the wedding night is your precious alone time - sometimes the first alone time you'll have together on the most important day of your lives together. With enough warning, surely they could get together enough cash to stay elsewhere?

2. Alternatively - could you guys pay for the friends to stay elsewhere for that one night? I know your fiance is struggling to justify the money, but since it's for friends and just one night, you could probably just shove them in any old cheap place, it wouldn't matter if it was a bit of a dive, whereas if you guys stayed in a hotel, you'd probably want to spend a bit more to stay somewhere much nicer. It'd be a cheaper option.

3. Do you know why your husband doesn't trust them to stay overnight unsupervised? Is he just uncomfortable with the idea of someone staying in your house when you're not home (and would be no matter who was staying) or are there specific reasons why they couldn't be trusted?

4. I went through a similar thing with my wedding, as I'm British and my husband is Canadian, and when we got married we were living in the UK. Our best friends from Canada flew over for the wedding and stayed with us in our tiny, cramped apartment for about a week before the wedding and for a few days afterwards (they returned to Canada when we went on our honeymoon). On the wedding night, they stayed in a hotel room (that they paid for) and we stayed in a hotel room - we were all in the same hotel, which meant we could stay up late and party with them (which we did!) but we also got that precious alone time as well. It was the best of both worlds.

5. You know what - you're probably already spending a chunk of change on the wedding itself, what is one more little expense? And it would be a little expense really, especially compared with how much other parts of the wedding day may cost.

6. This may be further down on my list, but arguably I think it's actually the most important point - it's important TO YOU. He doesn't have to understand it or agree with it, but he does have to respect that it's something very important and special to you and for that reason alone I'd expect him to agree. You're not being unreasonable by wanting to spend your wedding night alone with your new husband. He's asking far more of you than you are of him. The wedding day may be a party, but he shouldn't forget what you're celebrating - the day is actually about the love you guys have for each other.

7. Money can always be earned back. The cost of the hotel room won't even matter down the line. However, if you had to spend your wedding night with his buddies - knowing that your husband ignored what it meant to you - that's something that's going to stay with you and impact on you far longer than any financial burden.

I hope you get to spend your wedding night alone. Even if all you do is sleep, it doesn't matter, it's the alone time together on the most important day of your lives that counts.

I tend to agree. Really I think it will be up to his friends, I think he assumes they are spending the night but who knows. There wives may tell them it isn't right to be there on our night. They are all coming into town this weekend for the bachlor/bachlorette party so I hope that they will have a talk about it and decide not to stay at our house.