I'm really not one to complain to other people, but lately I just feel so alone and lost.

I just recently graduated high school about three months ago, and just got a job at a retail store a week ago. Not bad for an 18 year old, if you ask me. But I am just so lost. I have so many plans, hopes and dreams; but I think I'm just overwhelming myself with stress that isn't even there yet. I plan on working my tail off at the job I recently got, and hope to get promoted as soon as possible. I know it seems a bit extreme since I just starting last week, but I try to make myself an overachiever. I also want to start community college soon in the fall, but I'm stressing out about that too. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to go to school for, which is law; but there's a problem with me actually attending school. A lot of people are going to read this a face palm, but I just hope there's that one person who understands where I'm coming from. My boyfriend is 21, has no job, and no high school diploma or GED. We've been together two years this month and he's an amazing guy. I think he fears the same thing as me with the overwhelming of all the things we need to do. I try to push him in getting a job, but then he complains that he doesn't have his GED. I try to push him to get his GED, and he says he's not ready for the test. I'm putting all of my attention on him to succeed, because he wants too but just doesn't know how to get started. We had it planned since I was in high school that we were going to go to college together once I graduate, but since he didn't make an effort to get his GED in those two years, we're stuck at square one. My family is waiting for me to enroll and I keep making excuses. I want the best for him, like an other girlfriend or boyfriend would in this situation. I just don't know who to focus on, and what to do.

If someone could just talk to me, and just be there for me, that would be the nicest thing someone has done for me in a long time with this going on. I am so sorry for sounding like a whiner and complainer, but this has been eating at me.

He KNOWS how to get started. Don't be held up by his excuses. He knows what the expected pathway is, he's just not doing it. He's either not ready, not feeling it, maybe never going to, and while I know you have good intentions of being the good girlfriend, you're doing both of you a disservice by trying to push him into the 'next step'. You're not his mother.

Unfortunately, as you are seeing now as you're stepping out into real life and growing up, plans change. He may not want what you want anymore. He certainly is not striving for it. I would start by leaving him alone and look at yourself.

Focus on yourself. The only person who you can truly change is you. You have way too much ahead of you to get held back because you're trying to get someone else hopping. Support him, but take the steps forward for yourself. Drop the subject, and after some time has passed ask him what he really wants. If he's not ready for school he isn't going to be because you guys made plans.

I UNDERSTAND where you're coming from, but please understand that I am also seeing this from the outside sphere, and I have seen it before. Healthy relationships do not continue to be healthy in this situation. One of you is going to end up resentful.

Focus on yourself.

Do not let his lack of motivation hold you back from living your life. You and you alone are in control of your actions and decisions - don't let him drag you down with him. You want to go to college? Don't wait for him to get his shit together - just go. You don't need him with you in order to succeed. Yeah, sure, I get that it'd be nice to have him there - but holding yourself back just for him isn't doing either of you any favours.

And I agree that he knows what he needs to do, he just won't - for whatever reason. Making excuses for him isn't helping, either. You can't force him to do anything, but you need to decide how important this is to you. Would him not getting his GED/a job/going to college be a dealbreaker for you? Or do you think it's something you could accept? You need to figure this out, because his actions (or inactions) do affect you.

You should focus on yourself. When I was first getting ready for college I was stressed too. I wasn't sure if what I wanted to study would work out, I wasn't sure if I could continue to work the night shift at the job I was working and go to class, I wasn't even sure if what I was studying was really what I wanted. I'm 21 now, still studying mechanical engineering and still wondering all those same things, well sans the job( downsizing sucks). So far it's looking like those stresses don't dissapear so much as you learn to dance with and around them and keep moving forward. As for your boyfriend, well, sometimes you can't push, sometimes you need to lead by example. So take the first step and enroll in college. It'll create a little bit of a gap, but it's a gap he'll work to close. Besides, those that care about you most will never seek to keep you from bettering yourself.

I agree with the others, don't let him bring you down. That kind of lack of motivation is bad for you as a couple, so you have to redouble your efforts as an individual. Move forward in your life as an employee and a student regardless of him. It must be frustrating for you and the other people who love him to see him waste his life, but there's little anyone can do if he wants to bum around.

Please separate your career path from your relationship before it's too late, because I can see this being a huge dealbreaker for any couple.

, what poppet said about separating your career path from your relationship really resonates with me.

Honestly, I just finally decided to stop letting my relationship get in the way of making a career change that will most likely make me happier in the long run. My boyfriend wasn't keeping me from it or anything, just the circumstances of our relationship made me think it was better to stay in my current job that I don't like. I finally decided that I can't control everything about those circumstances and I don't know when they'll change, so I need to focus on what I can change to make my life what I want it to be.

I believe that you can go to school, work hard at your job, and maintain your relationship, but it'll be hard. And he should be willing to support you as much as you're willing to support him, but maybe he can't do it in the way you originally planned. You planned to go to college together, but maybe there will be a change in the relationship dynamic. You might not be able to control his path in life so I think you should focus on yours.

Uhh I started rambling but I hope some of that makes sense.

, I can understand where you're coming from about your boyfriend. You love him and would do anything for him. But I will say this. There comes a time where you need to focus on your goals. As someone fresh out of high school, the time to start is now. Please don't put off getting an education. I think it's very caring of you to help your boyfriend start his life, but you need to start yours as well. Focus on you, foremost. Maybe once you enroll in school, get that promotion, and start focusing on your goals and well being, your boyfriend will take notice and follow suit. Be a role model for him with your actions! If you two are meant to be then you will make it through this. Since none of us know him personally only you can make that judgement on whether or not he is completely serious about getting his GED and a job. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is indeed overwhelmed and nervous about his future. Change is a scary thing and it's sometimes hard to take that plunge.

I wish you the best of luck! :)

Thank you for that advice, and I'm definitely going to take it. It was funny though, after I made this post he called me saying, "Babe, I got a job interview!" I of course was asking him where, what his hours would be, how much he's going to get paid, and if the hours would put a strain on our relationship since he was telling me it was going to be an overnight job. I'm going to see if he's going to go to the interview and get it, and see how his efforts of work is going to be. After he brought up that he got an interview, I asked him what about our plans for school. He said something about how he needs to start the job to make money for GED classes or something? I don't know, I thought he was just feeding me BS. I'm going to talk to him and set him straight that I NEED to start school soon and get my life started, and I can't procrastinate anymore. He usually says, "If you're gonna go without me, I probably won't go." Which is a big stab at me because he's making me but my education and life on hold.

You're extremely right as well, and thank you for your advice. Honestly, I think it would be a big deal breaker if he didn't go to college. I'm not saying he needs his P.H.D, but at least an associates would be nice. I have big plans for myself, and need to be with someone who also has big dreams and plans, because that's how we're going to be successful in life. If he doesn't get his GED or start college classes, he's probably going to work as an associate making less than $10 an hour like a teenager. It's embarrassing to my family and friends because I'm three years younger than him, and I'm already more successful than him. I love him to bits, don't get me wrong; but if he really wants this relationship to continue and build, he needs to get his act together and figure out what he wants. I can't be wasting my time anymore ):

Thank you for that. And that's true, maybe if he sees me start going to school, hopefully he'll get what he needs to get done and join me. See, I plan on being a lawyer. I'm not sure in what area yet, but I still have a lot of time to figure that out. He says he wants to be a lawyer too, (I'm thinking only because of the chance of getting paid the most). I told him he doesn't have to do exactly what I want to do if that's not what makes him happy. I enjoy debates, I enjoy fighting for what's right. He's more into cars, motorcycles, ect. I told him to go to school to be a mechanic! He would actually enjoy going to school and learning about it. I'll be with him regardless of what his job is, unless he's not trying to further his education or try to move up in a company. He just doesn't know what he wants yet, and I just wish I could help him figure it out.

I agree completely, thank you. I think I just need to sit down with him and talk to him about this, how it's going to be a deal breaker. He always just pushes things off, and it drives me insane because wouldn't you just rather do it asap and get it over with? That's my mind set, at least.

That made sense, don't worry! And thank you for the advice, honestly. This is all helping me so much.

Thank you so much! And I'm going to do what you and some others have said about me starting my education, and hopefully he'll follow along. Like I was saying to , he just got an interview at a warehouse! I find it amazing that he did, a week after I started my job. So I think that's the approach I'm going to take, and maybe even talk to him a little, and see what he sees in his future.

As someone who put their plans on hold for a relationship, I understand where you are coming from. The longer you put off pursuing your goals, the more regret and resentment you will feel. Honestly, he needs to get it together. It sounds to me like you have it together, and you're much younger than him. I'm glad that he got an interview, and I do know that it costs money to take GED classes (often required prior to taking the test), but if he really wants to do it, he will find a way. It is childish and manipulative to place all the pressure on you in regards to his education. He shouldn't want to go to school only to go with you, and vice versa. This is a tactic to try to keep you in the same situation as him, and you should not let this tactic work for him. So, the long and the short of it is, focus on you. You are the only one who can advance your own life and take the initiative to reach your goals. Don't let anyone drag you down.

Thank you for your advice, and you're completely right. Hopefully I'll start soon and he'll just follow in my foot steps.

I hope that as well. You've got your whole life ahead of you and with hard work and determination, all that you hope to achieve is possible :)

Me and him just talked it out and I think we have everything planned! He said that's he is not going to hold me back from school, and that was never his intention. I'm going to be starting school in January, and he's going to probably as well. He just was his own plans right now of getting the job he has an interview for, saving up money for school, and starting. He wants to either be mechanic for motorcycles, while going to school to be a RN!

I'm so glad y'all talked it out and have a mutual understanding now!