what is it when you feel a discomfort so severe, it causes you physical pain? it's recently come to my attention i've been experiencing major dysphoria. these episodes have hit me since i was 6 years old. it's a general feeling of, "you don't belong here," and it often drives me to do irrational things as i often feel like my brain is clouded and i'm not myself when i act. i'm not angry or sad when i act on this feeling either- on the contrary, i feel quite empty. i just am in a lot of physical pain because i'm extremely uncomfortable with myself and my existence. please don't give me the, "you are worth something, you have a valid existence, you are loved," etc, that's not what i want to hear. i want to know why i feel this way, what it could possibly be.

Unfortunately we can't tell you what it is. It could be many, many things. Possibilities range from hormonal imbalances to repressed memories to ... frankly the list goes on. You need to seek help, and that will mean pushing past whatever misgivings you have about it, any shame, any anxiety, etc. If you trust your doctor to make a recommendation, talk to your doctor. If you don't have one, start looking for one. If you don't have a psychiatrist start looking for one. Even a therapist/counselor can help the beginning process of sorting through this with you.

Dysphoria can be dangerous. I know this firsthand, as it is a symptom of my PMDD. I have my health condition under control and no longer experience it. But I know what it's like to experience it.

Speaking from my own experience, I got something similar when I had lots of dysphoria when in a psycothic attack. Mostly because I already struggle a lot with identity issues on my own, gender just adds to the imbalance. Perhaps you got triggered because of external stimuli that suddenly became strange, because at least that was what happened to me. Suddenly not being able to remember the smell of something you love can lead you to question everything in yourself as it did in me, and such triggers can be many and most times even a secret. But I don't know, really. It's mostly what I felt.