I have a few scenarios that I would like some opinions/advice on. Just let me know your thoughts and reactions, and how you would feel if you were in that situation. You could either put your self into someone's shoes or just react as a bystander. I wanted to keep everything as vague as possible. Fair warning, I don't want to give away the gender of any of the parties involved because I want to keep everything even and unanimous as possible. Makes for an interesting read, that's for sure...it's hard to write without pronouns.

Parent, step parent, adult child (bio parent+step parent), and child (bio mom+dad, half sibling to the aforementioned adult child) all live together. The personalities in a nutshell of everyone are: Parent- Always thinks they're right and is opinionated. Under a think skin they're emotional and sensitive. Step parent- Confrontational, argumentative, and a self proclaimed "helicopter" parent. Wants you to share with them. Adult child- Still lives at home while in school and earns their keep by doing all the housework and errands. Helps take care of sibling. Child- Spoiled, has temper tantrums, yet is sensitive and sweet.

Scenario 1:

Adult child isn't having a good day. They got up early, have been busy all day and there's no end in sight. Step parent keeps asking adult child to do chores around the house. Eventually adult child starts to show annoyance and step parent begins an argument. Adult child says they've been busy all day and they want a break; they are also feeling under the weather and are irritated. Step parent says they need to show respect and remember that their sole job right now is to help the family. Step parent has been in bed all day and is not feeling well. Adult child says they do help the family and they have been doing things around the house and running errands all day for them. Step parent says to show them respect and to not be selfish.

Scenario 2:

Later that evening parent and step parent are in the living room. Step parent notices a scratch on the wall behind the sofa. They call adult child in the room and ask if adult child did it and why they didn't let them know about it. Parent knows nothing about it. Adult child is not sure and that they don't remember when it happened. Step parent becomes upset that no one told them about the scratch on the wall; they believe it was being hidden from them. Adult child leaves the room. Step parent tells parent that adult child is an idiot and no one respects them in this house.

Scenario 3:

A different day, and all are in the house. A fight breaks out between parent, step parent, and adult child. Child is in the room with them. Parent and step parent are both mad at adult child. Adult child has a significant other and is being brought up into the argument (the argument is about them both). Adult child is defending significant other. Lots and lots of yelling occurs and child is screaming for everyone to stop and is upset. Arguing continues.

What do you think of these?

Thanks!

My guesses are that you are the Adult Child in this scenario by your "bio" of the Adult Child. Everyone is wrong in every scenario, sounds like your family could use a good counseling session with a neutral mediator. You're lucky your parent and step parent are even letting you live at home without paying any sort of anything. Chores and babysitting is hardly worth shelter and food, in the real world you're looking at $400/mo at least if you were living on your own. No one can read minds, how was your step parent supposed to know you had a bad day?

- As an adult child who is living with a parent and step parent, I feel your pain. My parent is also very opinionated, judgmental, and close-minded. The step parent just follows whatever the parent says. Unfortunately, even if you were in an abusive household, there's no outside help you can get (unless the child is abused).

What I think is you can do one of two things:

1. Stop fighting with them. You're never going to convince them to care about your opinion, so you need to learn to ignore them. A counselor can help so much with this. Just do whatever they say, keep conversations short, and go to your room. This is incredibly difficult to do, but once you master this and just laugh off their stupidity, you'll be able to cope much better.

This is what I had to do in my situation. It took me years to be able to do this, but it's definitely helping a lot.

2. Get a job and work your way to moving out. Yes, you're in school, but a part time job is doable. You could also drop the amount of classes you take per semester to something like 2 and work full time. It depends on what you value more: getting a better living situation faster or getting out of school faster.

Beware: getting a job is difficult. And, living out on your own is a lot more expensive than you think. You need to be completely prepared if you move out.

I'm working to move out now, but I have a lot of debt from my first two attempts at moving out and losing my job due to a terrible manager. It is taking so much longer than I would like it to, but I have no other choice. So, if you take this route, keep in mind it'll take a long while and that you need a stable job that will work with your school schedule.

I'm assuming you're the adult child in all of this. If I'm wrong, then this advice will apply to whoever the adult child is.

I probably should have mentioned that I am not an active part of the scenarios. Would that change your opinions on the matter? Or do you keep the same ones?

1. Stop fighting with them. You're never going to convince them to care about your opinion, so you need to learn to ignore them. A counselor can help so much with this. Just do whatever they say, keep conversations short, and go to your room. This is incredibly difficult to do, but once you master this and just laugh off their stupidity, you'll be able to cope much better. -What if there is little to no alone time? Family time is spent together almost every day. I'd imagine adult child would get another lecture about respecting family if they were to spend more time in their room. I would take this approach, I do not live in the household. The parents just think I don't like them because I don't talk much around them.

2. Get a job and work your way to moving out. Yes, you're in school, but a part time job is doable. You could also drop the amount of classes you take per semester to something like 2 and work full time. It depends on what you value more: getting a better living situation faster or getting out of school faster. -Getting a job is not an option for adult child, sadly. They must take care of their sibling while parent works and step parent stays in bed. They will be graduating soon though!

I really appreciate your responses! Sorry if this seems weird. I do know everyone I've been writing about, and for quite a while. There are times when I can't take the fighting anymore. I worry about talking about it with others because step parent has a knack for knowing when they are talked about and has confronted me about it on a few occasions. They use the "have you ever talked about me to your friends? Don't lie, I know you have" line. After that I stopped talking with my friend as much about them. Then after a different fight I texted my parents because I was upset and step parent asked me what I was texting my parents about and to include their side of the story so I didn't "skew" the argument. Now I don't talk to mom about them. :/

- The step parent is very controlling and manipulative. It also sounds like the step parent treats the adult child the way they do because it's not their biological child.

Maybe adult child should have a job lined up for when they graduate. That way, they can get out sooner.

Scenario 1,2 and 3 happened due to outside stimulation or common yet overlooked details, so I believe the issue is not the relationship itself, but instead a breaking point where it has went on for so long the involved cannot see a differentchange in it. Adult child tries to push it to such point because it is changing and adapting, young age in this case can imply a certain naivety. Parent realizes this, and uses it as an argument to further sustain it's own views, refuses to view the side of Adult Child because it belives it to be beyond help, a passing fragility that will end when they "grow up more". Could be a refusal to go back to their own youth, repressed memories, or perphaps distance to oneself and bitterness. Step parent wishes to fit in yet claim their own space, will attempt to manipulate and confuse others in order to achieve more power in the family structure. Parent realizes this and also steps up agression, leading to worsening symptons of their own inability to understand Adult Child. Child is mostly not present, either oblivious or uninterested as it is not in it's present reality to worry about such things. Presence in Scenario 3 could explain further rage from Parent, as they believe Child should not be present and yet cannot back down from argument lest be reduced and weakened to Step Parent. Due to their own belief of being out of control of the situation, Child tries to simply stop comflict so the world can return to it's usual state as it is the best in their interest.

My take on it, anyway.

I think the only blameless one is the child. The adult child is mostly in the right and understandably annoyed and hurt, but could still use a little bit more self-control. The Parent and Step-Parent both need to stop being so damn selfish and act like the adults they supposedly are. Counseling seems like the best course of action for everyone involved.