My girlfriend who I have been kind of having issues with (we are poly/she loves her bf more, etc) just told me that I mock god and that her kids were good christian kids until I started expressing my views. I have NEVER mocked god in front of the kids and have always just posed questions to them and let them make up their own minds. One kid even says he believes in god etc, so I know she is overreacting a bit. She went as far to say that I have "turned" the boyfriend because he "was never like that" until you came along...

So any advice or ways I can ignore this? Talking to her really isn't even an option since she gets too defensive over everything. Leaving her isn't really an option either as I do over her and I really am afraid to be alone.

Wanted to add that she doesn't take the kids to church etc....so not really knowing where all this resentment is coming from

This is just one comment of yours so I obviously can't say I know your history with her but it sounds like there are some deeper problems. It sounds like her faith is very important to her and if she both values it and her relationship with another person over her relationship with you then I'd say maybe you should consider breaking it off unless you're both willing to work on your relationship. I don't have experience with poly relationships but I'm in a monogamous one so I'm speaking as someone who does know what being in a relationship is like. They're something you have to work on at times and I suppose that's a lot harder when you're in multiple relationships at a time. Maybe with her faith, her multiple relationships, her kids, work, etc. she's just finding she's spread too thin? I'm not trying to diss poly relationships at all; for some people they're great. It just sounds like she's got a lot going on in her life and that would be stressful for anyone. If she's resentful of you and thinks you're poisoning her kids against her faith then you really have two options: keep trying to convince her that you respect her and her kids' faith and would never poison them against it because you love the kids and you want them to be happy with whatever they believe in or you have to prepare to cut your losses. If you're determined to be a relationship with this woman then maybe have a talk with her about how while you don't share her beliefs you respect them and mention that her one kid has told you himself he believes in God and bring up any other times the kids have expressed conviction in their beliefs. Maybe she's just feeling uneasy right now and needs reassurance.

Sometimes people of faith start feeling like they're being tested when they're stressed and lash out at others who don't show the same conviction. Maybe she's just in that mindset right now. It could pass but sometimes people get even more invested in their religion because they're desperate to prove their faith.

I am sorry that this came on so rashly? I guess just wait it out and stop doing what you think might be the issue for awhile and see if it settles. It is a shame you cannot talk it out because relationships take a lot of communication to function. That would be my advice, even though she is defensive. You should see what she means and what actions you are doing that upsets her.

Hope I could help, if not, I hope you find peace in this time! ~

Thanks all. Yeah I think just being "me" irks her. She has told me in the past that I am not mature enough, despite her acting like a spoiled child sometimes. I really do want to work it out, I just...she is leaving for a family vacation in a few days (which I am not invited to go with her on) so I am hoping she at least misses me

I have a feeling it's probably not totally about you. Maybe she's questioning herself. Maybe someone questioned her belief in her faith, or how her kids are being raised, etc. She's probably feeling defensive of her religion right now and that might be where some of this is being stirred up.

Beyond that though, this does not sound like a healthy relationship you are in. Not being able to communicate is a problem and so is your fear of being alone.

The best relationships I know are built of people who actively choose to be together. They could survive on their own, but put the work in to be a unit because together they are excellent.

Love is a feeling, a relationship is a mutual choice.

I'm not saying leave her, but I do think that you need to really review what's going on here. Are you in a mutual, loving relationship? You didn't describe it that way, that's why I ask. Maybe work has to be done there.

I think the rest is just stress though that's not directly related to you, but you are an easy target being that you're an atheist.

Yeah it used to be loving, I cannot even really remember the last time we were intimate. She is currently on vacation with her boyfriend and kids and hasn't even reached out really with a text. I was told by a friend to text her, but I don't want to be the one to "reach out" first if that makes sense?

I have no idea what is going on, but I just sense that she has started resenting me for some reason. She said in a text about a month ago that she wanted to end the relationship saying we aren't "mature" enough for one...yet we did half ass work it out. Honestly I feel like a friend/roommate but am too afraid to leave her in the relationship aspect.

I sense that from your words she resents you.

You feel she loves her boyfriend more than you. She's on a vacation with her boyfriend and kids, you are not invited, she is not even talking to you. She tried to end it with you a month ago. You aren't having sex.

I don't want to be horrible but from an outside perspective she has already left you.

What are you fearing?

Feels that way, sadly I guess I am in denial. Not really sure what I should do though. She is my first "real" love, so its really really hard.

I think it's like that for everyone. First real loves are some of the toughest to let go of if it's not right. But she definitely isn't going to be the last. She definitely hasn't earned the right to be the only.

I can't really tell you what way to go, but I can tell you that if you were my friend and I was there, I'd be trying to pull you out. From my perspective it's not a healthy relationship. She isn't respecting or loving you.

My advice is to sit down and take some serious looks at the relationship, and more importantly you. What you want and need out of a partner. If she isn't meeting those requirements, and she isn't willing to meet them, then she isn't meant to be your forever.

Yeah it just hurts pretty bad. There has been a lot of signs that she really just doesnt want to be around me anymore.

I'm an Atheist, and there have been a few people who've done this kind of thing towards me as well. The best advice I can give is kinda pull back and if she wants you in her life, she'll ask you. If not, let her go. That's difficult, but sometimes it's your only option.

If this issue goes on for a couple of months maybe it could help to talk with close friends and family, you trust enough for those kind of subjects.

Edit: I suppose your case need really help from a third person you know in real life. I believe the internet can't give you the right help you need.

Anyway. I wish you good luck.

Edit: Welp! I see this topic is necro. Sorry.

I'm not an expert in the matter (of both religious matters and relationships) but it sounds like she wants a reason to be rid of you. Just be careful and I wish you the best of luck.

Yeah, we are basically "just friends now." I still live there just because of my medical condition really, and I cannot afford to move out o my own. I still get yelled at for the stupidest shit, but I don't really let it bother me anymore since I have nothing left to lose if that makes sense.

It does. I wish you the best.

I should confess - I'm not an atheist but I hate when people feel like they can use their faith to excuse bad behavior. Which more often than not anymore... it seems to be the accepted, "valid" excuse.

It's fine, thanks for the kind words. I just had a woman call my employer and tell him that I was rude to her (I have never met this woman irl, only facebook) simply because I posted an atheist meme on my timeline...this is just....people can't learn to love or something I swear

That's... just not right. x_x; What business is it of hers whether or not you believe in something, what should matter is if you do your job and do it well/professionally.

Exactly, and your last comment just reminded me of that. It's like social media has messed up everything and people get this odd sense of entitlement or something

Agreed.

I think you should start working towards whatever solutions you need to to move out. It's a bad time living with an ex and she sounds like she resents you in general now. It's sad, but you'll feel better if you get out from that toxic situation. Don't stay in a place where people yell at you and have been disrespecting you for ages now. You don't have to put up with that.