How do I tell if I'm over this...
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I am in need some advice, Subeta. :(
This time last year I came out of an 8 year relationship. It was a long distance relationship with someone that I met online. We had the same interests and taste in everything...music, games, art, food, hobbies (to name a few)...I haven't ever connected with someone as well as I connected to him. We used to stay up late every night and speak on the phone and never run out of things to say. To this day, I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved him. My parents and friends, however, disapproved with the him from the off, suggesting that I was too young (15 at the time) to be so devoted to someone that I hadn't met. On top of that, he suffered badly with depression and came from an abusive household, and my family were worried about what kind of influence he might have on me.
Three years in to our relationship, I moved to university and my boyfriend took it badly...when I say badly, he became very paranoid about where I was and when. He'd demand me spending a certain number of hours online a day to ensure that I wasn't cheating on him. He even got as far as threatening me a lot of the time. I decided that this had to be make or break and went up to see him for the first time. From then on, things slipped back in to place and we were good together. We finally started seeing each other on a regular basis, too. My family and friends however...they never accepted our relationship. At all.
Last year, just after turning 23, I started becoming really tired of the stress. Every time I wanted to visit my boyfriend, my parents would either ignore me or be rude to me about it. I couldn't talk to my friends about my relationship either. Their memories of him were all associated with me being sick with worry over the bad things going on in his life and how they feel he manipulated me to be his emotional crutch over the years that we were together. He and I started to bicker about where the relationship was going as, after 8 years, we were still 5 hours apart and with no sign of progressing any time soon. In July last year I told myself that I had to move on with my life. He told me that he'd kill himself if I left but I know for a fact that this hasn't happened. It was still the hardest decision that I've ever made.
So, here I am, a year on. I am seeing someone else...a truly lovely, supportive, attractive person who treats me very well. Despite that, I think about my ex on an almost hourly basis. I have confessed this to a couple of my closest friends who have told me that it's because "it was an 8 year relationship and that I should expect it to take some time to get over..." But I'm not so sure. Everything around me seems to be a permanent reminder that he and I aren't together any more.
I don't know if the reason that I can't stop thinking about him is because we spoke every single day for eight years...or because I really am not over this. I'm tired of thinking about it and I am tired of missing what I had.
Long distance relationships can be very hard, but I think you did the right thing by moving on because the relationship was going nowhere. That being said, he was your first love. Everyone remembers their first love and what could have happened if things had been different. You just started seeing this new guy so you haven't yet made the same connection. If the relationship continues to go well and becomes long term, you will make your own memories and love the man you are with. The relationship won't be the because he's not the same guy, but that doesn't mean you will love him any less or not be happy.
Long term abuse = long term recovery. I would definitely recommend seeking help. Whatever you do, don't go back.
It will literally just take time. It feels like it will never go away, but trust me it will. Its your best bet to stay with that person who truley loves and takes care of you. Do not go back...... maybe go see someone to talk to, I like to get things off my chest, it helps me feel better, it could help you too!
Things will get better :)
Honestly, thank you all SO much for replying to my thread...and even just for reading my mini essay for that matter. It already feels better just to know that people have listened. Maybe you're right and that I should look in to seeing someone about this.
I must say that the fact that all three of you have agreed on me moving forward actually makes me feel stronger about my original decision. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do but then, break-ups weren't designed to be easy. Thank you for understanding. ❤️