So I teach high school, and have a couple of Year 12 classes (final year of high school in Australia) who I have taught now for almost 2 years. I found out this evening that one of the lovely young girls in one of my classes took her own life last night. I also teach this students younger sister in Year 10.

So I am starting to wonder... were there signs I missed? Should she have been on my radar as someone who needs my help? Did she cry out for help and I didn't give her the attention she needed? Could I have done more...?

How am I not going to burst into tears every time I see her younger sister for the rest of the year?

How does my class, all of whom are close, move on from this?

How do I handle walking into my room and seeing the seat she sat in every lesson empty?

I'm just at a loss... she was always such a happy girl. She obviously had some pain and anguish that consumed her...

Sometimes there's just nothing you could have done. Someone can seem so happy and carefree on the outside, but inside they're entirely different. All you can really do now is be there for those left behind, especially the sister. Just let her know that you're there if she wants to talk. I assume there'll be counseling available at the school. It couldn't hurt to avail yourself of that opportunity. You shouldn't neglect your own needs in favor of taking care of your students - you probably need to talk to someone too.

...a lot of people can seem perfectly happy and be dying inside, I know I've done that quite a bit in my life. People get really, really good at hiding their issues (be it depression/suicidal thoughts/self harming, or something else) if they don't want to worry the people around them. Even the fear of how someone is going to react alone is enough at times to put someone in that state of mind off from seeking help.

As for handling it, there's got to be some support groups out there for this sort of situation. My aunt lost her middle child a couple years back and it's kind of looking like you take it one day at a time...baby steps.

Try not to feel guilt over this, if she was in that much pain, I doubt anything would have been able to change her mind. It's possible that her home life or other issues outside of school might have just been more than she could handle. I don't know your particular class and school, but in general it's a pretty painful, rough environment for some people, so that could have been a contributing factor.

A lot of the bullying and hurtful things that happen in schools happen when teachers aren't around to stop it.

If I may throw in my two cents: The truth about psychological problems is: It's still not entirely clear what causes anxieties, depression and suicidal tendencies - at least I haven't come across it in my studies (I'm studying psychology) so far. The scientists at my university tend to think that there is not one factor causing psychological problems but rather different factors (quite possibly varying somewhat for every person, too) that end up causing a certain result.

What is known, however, is that people who have suicidal tendencies tend to hide them from everyone else. Also, it's not necessarily a well-planned action - apparently, people sometimes stand at the edge and just take the plunge.

So, plainly speaking, it's highly unlikely that you could have predicted it or that any of this was your fault. Unless she was blatantly talking about committing suicide within your earshot, you had no way of knowing. Period.

As for coping, Lisa & KyotoAngel pointed out some good methods. Maybe it helps if you remember that you're practically entitled to feel upset about this. If I remember correctly, your situation might cause secondary trauma, and that's a "condition" that could require treatment. I'm not sure which guidelines are valid in Australia, but for the US it would be the DSM-V, in Germany the ICD-10 (they basically classify health problems inculding (or exclusively, as the DSM) psychological problems which need treatment to restore the patient to a state of health).

Until the first 6 months are over, grief and confusion and shock (and other symptoms of grieving) are entirely natural and not necessarily disconcerting. Try to find a treatment method that works, encourage your students to do the same - and remember that you're human, too. It's okay to concentrate on yourself a little. You needn't feel responsible for your students therapy, therapy is a very personal matter and can't be forced from outside. Leave the therapy to specialists, they're trained for it.

If you have any more questions, feel free to sMail me and I'll assisst with looking up further information.

Regards, Lanara

@ Becks

Sorry, didn't realize how long ago OP was made. I hope things have been going smoother.

I couldn't say it any better than Lisa and KyotoAngel said, but I'll give my thoughts since it's been hard for me when I learn about my students' suffering. I am a high school teacher as well, and it's been a big frustration for me that my position as a teacher makes it hard for me to feel like I support my students in need. But they just won't always go to you, as an adult, a teacher, an authority figure, someone who gives grades and reports on their behavior. You can be scary to approach about this even if they trust and like you. I know when I was in high school, I tried my absolute hardest to seem normal to everyone. It's not your fault, you support them in different ways besides being a confidant. Don't blame yourself for missing things from their personal lives, it's not your job to do so.

The advice that I've been given is, provide as much stability and support you can in your classroom. Make it a safe place for them and you. A lot of times, your classroom might be the only stability your students have in their lives. Don't underestimate how much that can mean to them. Time is the biggest healer, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself like you were one of your students- it's not your fault and there's no way to know what could have changed things. Don't be afraid of letting your students know it's hard for you too. They will appreciate if they can see that you cared and still do care.

Personally, I've had depression and anxiety since high school, and it hasn't left me even after I've started teaching. I told myself that as long as I teach I have to be kind enough to myself to go to therapy at least once a month, and it's helped me feel supported, heard, and make good decisions in my job. It's a lot of pressure, seeing children who suffer in any way. I've never dealt with the type of situation you described, but it's helped me get through some stuff, and feel better about being there for my students.