So I am dating a guy for over a year and ended up getting pregnant. Now our relationship was never perfect, he lied to me a lot and did things behind my back (drugs, drinking, ect.). Now I dumped him multiple times before and he would always come back to me crying and promising he would change, of course I believed him. So our unsteady relationship continued on its wiggly path of lies and me get mad at the stuff he does. I then found out I was pregnant (about a month ago) and told him, and i honestly felt like he was trying to be a good person until I found out he was going to grow drugs in his back yard (he still lives at home with his family) with his sister (who is always drunk, does REALLY bad drugs such as meth) and I flipped. I told him he picked, growing drugs or me and his first born child. He took an HOUR to think about it and wanted to know if he was able to have both or still be apart of growing drugs. It was horrible. I flipped out and got mad and was about to leave him when he pushed me to the edge and went out behind my back to a party at the beach with his bad influence sister. I found out because he forgot that we planned a movie night that night at his house and when I showed up he wasnt home. So I screamed at him through the phone, and I mean full on screaming with cursing and everything (I dont like to curse) and he was terrified. He immediately told me where he was and to come get him and to try to calm down and we can talk. So I went and got him and boy was I furious. Once we got back home I pulled over to the nearby park and screamed at him, calling him every single name he was. He began crying but I continued to scream out my anger at him and boy did it feel good but shortly after my stomach began to hurt (lower stomach where the baby is) and Im honestly terrified that the stress will cause me to have a miscarriage. Now that was about a week or so ago when I yelled at him and I thought everything was going good until I looked at his phone and saw that he was once more looking at other women. Now he has a serious problem where he constantly likes to look at other women and I hate it, I tell him about how I dont like it and we get into fights about it before and he would promise to not look at other naked women again but a few days later he will be. He swears that he looked at those women before I yelled at him and set him straight but I honestly dont know. I ended up breaking up with him but honestly I dont know if it was the right choice or not, I mean I am pregnant with his child, and he swears it was before he decided to be a good boyfriend. But I honestly dont know what to do...

Are you ready to raise a child all by yourself? It seems to me like you will have to think about this. It seems like your relationship is broken and having a child in such an unsteady relationship is going to put a lot of pressure on you. How old are you? Do you have support other than him?

I didn't see you mention how old you are but are you sure you're ready to possibly be raising this child by yourself? You have a lot of issues on your plate here that you really need to address before you decide to let this man continue to be in your and your baby's life also.

Your boyfriend has some drug problems. This comes with a lot of issues. 1.) Drugs affect your boyfriend's physical and mental health. This will affect how he fathers your child. Drugs make people disconnect, angry, tense, and lash out. Not good around a screaming newborn or for forming healthy, long-term relationships. 2.) Drugs around is unhealthy for your child. Second hand smoke, smoke on your skin can get into the baby when you pick them up, fumes, and accidentally ingesting drugs is always a threat. Even a tiny amount of any drugs inside your growing child may forever harm them or kill them. 3.) In 98% of the country, growing or doing drugs is ILLEGAL. Do you want this sort of activity near your child? Not only can this physically put your child in danger, ie violent drug dealers hanging around, drug deals gone wrong, robbery by other criminals of his house for the drugs he possess, but it can put your custody of your child at risk. If authorities find out your boyfriend sells drugs/has drugs in the house near your child and you allowed your child to be around him/his house, DSS can and will take your child. It happens everyday. 4.) Drugs are highly addictive. The chemicals in the brain change it forever, even after you've quit. The probability of your boyfriend quitting them, without any medical and psychiatric care, changing his lifestyle, and friends, is extremely low. Babies are not magical cures for addiction. Your boyfriend needs to desperately want to change, seek rehabilitation for the physical addiction, and seek counseling for the mental issues that cause him to seek out drugs to self medicate.

Until your boyfriend does all of these things, and you see him really make progress over a LONG period of time, then it is not in your best interest to have him around your child. Doing so will put your baby in physical and mental danger, which will put your custody of that child in real danger.

I am 18, almost 19, sorry for not posting my age I forgot. I honestly don't want to raise this child without him and I have my family here to support me (well not really my mom). By myself I would not be able to raise this kid so thank god for my family and friends that know. I would really want him there in me and his childs life but he doesn't understand that he need to grow up.

I am 18 almost 19, sorry for not posting my age I forgot. Yeah I know he has a drug problem, I mean he stopped it all to get a job which is nice but he still has that "love" for it. I mean he was willing to leave me for drugs. I know how dangerous they are for the child, and thank you for those facts because I didnt know that much! I dont want him around me or the child if hes just going to be doing drugs and I dont understand why he wont change for his own child, I mean its his first child, and hes fine with never seeing his child again just so he can do the childish things he wants to do.

It sounds like this guy really is no good for you and could not be a father figure to your child. I would leave him and move on even if you weren't pregnant. He is a bad influence who needs to get his own life together. As for your baby, this is a more long term decision that will be life changing and something you really need to think about. There are several questions you need to ask yourself:

Are you mentally ready? Having a kid is a life long commitment, once you're mom you never stop being a mom. It may not seem like such a big sacrifice you are making or maybe you think you know how tough it will be but you will never really understand what you are in for until you get there. Once you have a child, they become your number 1 priority. Are you then ready to sacrifice things you may love for the baby? Are you ready to devoting yourself to helping your child grow up with a good life? Babies are expensive. Diapers, clothes and food all cost money and you will be going through A LOT of diapers for the first year. Then there are doctors bills and medicine when the baby gets sick. You'll need to make sure you have enough money to support the baby and when it gets old enough, be able to put it through daycare or preschool.

Do you have the support of your family? I would not count on your boyfriend helping so having family that is willing to help and be supportive is crucial. Having a baby most likely means you won't be able to keep up with school (if you're still in school) unless you have someone close to you that can help care for the baby. You may not be able to afford all the supplies you need for the baby if your job isn't paying enough and have to borrow money from your family. Having a baby won't just be hard on you, but it effects the rest of your family as well and are they ready for this kind of commitment. If your parents are older or have health conditions, they may not be able to help care for a baby.

Is adoption an option? If you are uncertain about your family life, being a single parent, or not ready to give up your own life then it may be best if you offer your baby for adoption. There are many couples out there that want children but can't have children of their own that would love to give a child a safe and caring home. If you're just not ready to have a baby, it's ok to admit it. Providing your best could be finding the best family for him/her.

Just because you fucked doesn't mean you need to stay together. Your relationship will not get better by bringing in what I am assuming is a surprise baby into the mix. I hate to say it but I don't think you should be having this kid, especially not trying to stay with the father. He is not in any way ready to grow up and you don't sound like you're ready to handle a child and a useless dad. Adoption may be the best option. I had my daughter at 19. You have to want this life. I cherish her above everything else. I was ready. It doesn't sound like you are.nnI don't mean to sound harsh but there is much more at stake here than I think you realize long term.

I had to watch my best friend of 10+ years go through something similar to this. Their entire relationship was similar to yours, with the addition of physical and emotional abuse. He is probably the scummiest person I know. He accused her of getting pregnant by someone else, demanding a paternity test before he'd sign the paternity papers saying he was the father. Except he refused to ever take it until the court ordered him to. Then his parental rights were established and all hell broke loose. This guy has never turned in any documents ordered by the court, never has seen his child other than a few hours when he was an infant (less than 3 months old), and is still trying to say that he should be allowed to visit this child two years later. this kid has zero idea who he is. My friend married a wonderful guy that the child calls Dad now. Yet, the biological father refuses to give up his rights and fights her in court out of spite. He has two other kids, abuses their mother, has an alcohol problem, a drug problem, and was at one point selling drugs. Yet he would still subject a kid, who is a compete stranger to him and whom he has never been around, to his abusive ways.

I would not stay with your boyfriend unless you want a long, drawn out court battle with the possibility of him getting visitation or worse, joint custody or even being the main custodial parent. If you feel you are unable to raise the child by yourself with your family and friends supporting you, please look into adoption. An adoption agency would be more than willing to work with you to find a great family for your child, if you so choose, and you could choose an open adoption. This means that you'd still be able to be in contact with the child. Some adoptive families will also offer to pay your medical bills, although that is something you would have to discuss with them/ the agency.

If you are intent on raising the child yourself, please do not involve him in yours or the child's life. He has already proven that he would leave you and the child for drugs in a heartbeat. He is intent on having drugs be a part of his life, and he has proven that he already makes questionable decisions. Involving a child in that mess would be terrible for all parties involved, even if he's temporarily quit in order to work. It took him an hour to decide between you and the baby or drugs, it will only take you a minute to decide to leave him. If you do decide to involve him in the baby's life, be aware that it puts your child at risk for complications due to drugs potentially being used near the baby as well as being taken by Child Protective Services. There could be a long custody battle with him, or with CPS. My friend currently has to shell out $4000 for a lawyer to fight to keep her kid safe and out of his biological father's life. A friend's mom fought for at least five years to get her children back after CPS took them away.

Your boyfriend has already proven that he is not nearly mature enough to aid in the raising of a child. Quite frankly, I wouldn't trust him to be near a child, much less an infant dependent on other human beings for survival. He seems like a negative force in your life that you and the baby will be much better off without. If he's causing so much stress now, so much that you're worried about having a miscarriage due solely to stress, how much stress will he cause down the road? Please think about that when you make your decision.

On a lighter note, if you have any questions about pregnancy, newborns, potential resources to help with baby related things, or anything to do with having a kid at 18-20, feel free to ask via a smail or just ping me! I just had a kid at age 19, go to college, and am currently navigating public assistance in order to make sure my daughter has everything she needs. I promise, whatever avenue you choose, it's not so scary! If you ever need to talk or just need some support, feel free to talk to me.

it sounds like you may be considering having a baby! If so, congratulations. You obviously know the road isn't getting easier from here on out, but if you've made up your mind to become a parent, then it's time to begin your journey. (Otherwise, Planned Parenthood can answer any questions you might have about all of your options, and they are an AMAZING resource for any outcome!)

First of all, since it sounds like you're in a compromised position with your boyfriend, I would talk to child protective services from the beginning- alone. Explain to them your fears so they can guide you to protect your child as best as possible. Secondly, look into birth support. Many birth doulas (I'm one!) do free birth services for their first few clients (I did mine!) and they can make your birth a MUCH more enjoyable, healthy experience. (A doula isn't at all like a doctor or midwife- she's an invaluable support person to massage, help, and support the person giving birth.)

Begin planning your life as a parent! Prepare a budget, arrange/plan for childcare while you work or attend school, and look into what kind of support your school or place of employment provides. Look at the current price of things like diapers, wet wipes, and all of the items you'll need to get for a baby (crib, car seat, high chair, bassinet, etc.). Figure out what your baby will need! And, either plan your meals for post-birth (freezer crock pot meals work really well) so you can produce milk or price out formula if that is your preferred method of infant nutrition. Go to the library, check out some books on things like prenatal health, breastfeeding, birth options, and the first year of motherhood. Check out Craigslist for free or cheap maternity clothes- they're expensive, and you don't need to waste money on the new stuff when most people get rid of their after a few wears!

Lastly, know that people do not change within a week, or a month... It takes years to grow. To overcome struggles like cheating (where the problem isn't the choice but a much deeper issue), it doesn't take a single conversation, or an argument. Know that you are worth everything, and if boy can't give you absolutely EVERYTHING under the sun you could ever want and THEN some? He isn't worth your time, my friend, and he certainly isn't worth keeping around for a baby. Your tiny human you might be making requires much more than you ever will.

I wish you the best of luck, and all the happiness you deserve. <3

You dont need to do whats best for you or him, you need to do whats best for your child. And would you want her/him around all those drugs and alcohol? I have dated a guy somewhat like that and they will lie and cry their way out of anything and itll never end. You cant change someone, hopefully one day in life he will. But he wont overnight. You can still raise a child together, that doesnt mean you have to stay together.

I wish you the best of luck in this situation :( Im sorry this has happened to you!