She's graduating from high school this May, the day after my daughter's first birthday. Sister (I'll call her A) hasn't planned a graduation party of any sort, so I went ahead and planned a day for my daughter's birthday party (three days after graduation, four after her actual birthday). Invitations have been sent out.

Our dad is going to be in town for A's graduation. He lives 1500 miles away and is in poor health, so traveling is hard for him. He's barely going to be able to stay long enough for my daughter's party. He's only met her once, since he lives so far away, and with his declining health, I'm afraid he might not get another chance.

The problem is, A keeps going ON and ON about how my daughter's birthday is going to ruin her graduation. I have made EVERY accommodation possible to stay out of her way without depriving my dad of his chance to see his only grandbaby. She has an invitation stating the time and date of the party, but she's insisting that the spotlight will be on my daughter instead of her.

Not to mention, before my daughter was even born, she told our mom that she hated my unborn child because it would take all of the attention away from her. I'm fed up with her and really don't know what to do anymore. I've considered cutting her off, since she's been doing this for years and nothing has made her stop, to the point that I really wouldn't lose anything from cutting her off. At the same time, she's my sister, and if it turns out she has some sort of mental health issue that's causing this, cutting her off would be the opposite of what I should do. She lives with my grandparents, who have amazing insurance and can go to just about any psychologist they want if I mentioned that she needs one. However, my grandmother likes to choose mental health professionals that agree with her. I went to several doctors who blamed all of my problems on myself under her watch, and I don't want to put A through the same thing.

I'm not sure what to do.

Your sister sounds like a brat to be honest! I mean she can have her graduation party one week after if its possible or even the day after. I would suggest you start being really harsh to her, telling her to stop this behaviour or Im cutting you off as sister. Yes she is your only sister but young persons around that age hasnt mature enough to realise the adulthood yet. have you ask how your daughter's birthday is going to ruin her graduation? are she is staying home from graduation to look after her? Have you talk to your sister's friends whats the deeper meaning she is complaining?

I would cut her off, end of story. If it's revealed that she has mental issues and needs support to battle them then okay you can talk things out with her but until that day I wouldn't let her ruin my life nor the life of my child.

Actually, there's another sister between A and me, but she isn't getting into this whole mess. Unless A plans her graduation party for the same date and time as my daughter's (which I wouldn't put beneath her), it interferes with her graduation in no way whatsoever.

She needs to chill a little bit about her whole "Graduation extravaganza". She has no plans to do anything (yet?) and she's already stepping on your toes and parading all around. If she plans a party, you guys can avoid all interaction with each other because there is like 24 hours and 7 days in a week. I don't get why she makes a fuss of your daughter's birthday party. There is no fucking spotlight to steal, this is beyond jealousy.

I'd say to cut her off, especially if she's getting dangerous for your child.

Not only is this beyond jealousy, it's beyond insanity. Hubs and I were going to grill up some hamburgers and hot dogs while our daughter played in her brand-new (don't tell her it's a surprise) kiddie pool, nothing more. She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. Nobody really has to, Little Bit will get her kiddie pool regardless.

Wow. Sounds like someone needs to get over herself. Shit, she didn't even have plans for you to ruin! WTF. She should be happy to have a niece! I wish I had sisters and nieces. I think what you need to do, is not cut her off completely, but not give in to her shenanigans either. Just go on with your plans and ignore her whining. Honestly, from the little information I have, it sounds more like a need to grow up than a true mental health issue. Although, if you do have concerns, maybe get her in to see a professional like you were thinking. And even if she did plan her party on your daughter's day (which would be a super bitchy thing to do though), wouldn't it be possible for people to go to both events? I mean, an hour or two at each party? I don't see that being a problem, at least if it were me. I guess I just don't like to see rifts in families, since I don't have very many family members myself. Best of luck, whatever comes though!

I would definitely cut her off until she matures, or at least have a conversation with her about it and tell her the possibility. My biggest worry would be your daughter and how having her Aunt around her may effect her considering she seems to have relatively nasty thoughts towards her (which is sad. I love my nephew). I do hope everything works out so that your dad can see his grandbaby without any drama though.

I'm glad A is going off to college in a few months, that keeps her away from my daughter for a few years at least. I hope she doesn't end up with kids of her own, she wouldn't be able to handle a situation like I'm in, where my birthday is only a couple weeks before my daughter's. I actually keep forgetting about it, I'm so focused on rubber ducks and kiddie pools.

It's bad to say, but that's probably a good thing, and maybe she'll mature enough to appreciate having an adorable little niece (I really want a niece, but they're only having one child). It might just take maturing? She's only 18, or so I assume, so she still has a lot of growing up to do and realizing things can't always revolve around her.

Also, rubber ducks and kiddie pools are fun, but make sure you do something for yourself too!

I'm having the whole family over and doing a cookout, and maybe a few games if I can find some the adults would like.

You're right about the maturing. I always thought the biggest aspect of maturing was learning when things really aren't worth fighting over, and she's FAAAAR from that. I wouldn't invite her at all but I'm trying to extend some good will one last time.

I'm pretty sure your sister is a certifiable narcissist, possibly with other "Cluster B"s involved. Honestly your best bet is to just cut her off. There's no fixing people who don't want to be fixed.

Also, you really don't want that kind of influence around your kid...

I would say just ignore the petulant child. Yes there is something 'wrong' with her, regardless of whether a professional diagnoses it as a disorder or not. Not worth giving her further attention when she thrives off it.