I've been struggling with depression for most of my life. I really can't remember a time when I didn't have it (lame). My first clear memory of being depressed and self harming, I was nine. When I was 13 I started using self harm as my one coping skill, and that's obviously very unhealthy. I've since figured out some ways that have helped me personally get past wanting to hurt myself and now it is very rare, considering how often I used to do it. I'm still trying to stop completely, and my first step to this is seeing my doctor for another prescription of antidepressants next week. Anyway, I don't know if anyone will bother reading this, but I wanted to make a little list of things that help me and hopefully this will get some responses with other things that help you guys. I'd like to get some new ideas for coping when I start to feel really down, and maybe someone in my position will get some ideas that steers them away from self harming too.

My coping list:

• I put it off. Instead of stressing myself out with whatever I'm depressed about (even if nothing in particular), I break it into smaller pieces throughout the day. So when I'm feeling down I just think "wait an hour" before you do anything. Then if I make it an hour, I tell myself "good, now try to make it two hours" and then a day and so on. This makes my anxiety go down because the problem doesn't seem so big when broken up that way, and because I keep putting it off, the urge to harm myself or doing some other self destructive activity eventually goes away. Plus this may seem silly, but there are truly small victories in successfully putting it off and it makes me feel proud of myself.

• Seriously question the negative thoughts that you're thinking. This one is a new one to me, but I've found so far that it helps me. I've always had a poor self esteem and often feel worthless. So whenever I start to beat myself up I ask myself "why am I thinking this way?", the answer I always get to is I'm just thinking poisonous thoughts. Because no one validated my feelings today by pointing out my flaws. No one called me a loser. And I end up thinking about a compliment or something nice someone said to me. That makes me feel better just knowing it's truly in MY head.

• Write it down. Self explanatory. I also like to make small lists of things I'd like to do or accomplish soon. That helps me feel like I have purpose and keeps me a little more organized.

• Call a family member or friend.

• Walk. Fresh air and getting the hell out of the house is helpful. If I can muster up the courage to get out of bed (depression is incredibly exhausting, I know).

• Distract myself as best I can with dumb tv shows. By that I mean a goofy comedy or reality show that will get me laughing.

• Read. This one is a bit difficult for me though. No matter how good the book I'm reading is, my thoughts are louder than the words I'm reading and I'm too easily distracted. This can make me frustrated, so it's a coping method I usually choose last.

• Mindless doodling or putting effort into real art/craft. Usually I just doodle because finding inspiration to draw something or even pick up a pen to try is difficult when I'm really depressed.

• Play with my hair or do my makeup. I like to do Halloween type makeup when I need to get my mind off things. It lets me get creative and it's fun. Plus makes for a good selfie later (usually hahaha).

So that's pretty much what I got. At least all I can remember right now. I'd be interested in seeing what you all do to cope and hopefully I can pick up some new ideas to put to use. c:

Also I just figured I'd throw this in here, due to the nature of the topic. If you're feeling suicidal or know someone who is, call 1 (800) 273-8255. It's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

First of all, you are not lame, not in the slightest. I too, have had depression most of my life, although mine got a whole lot worse and more noticable in middle school, because of issues with asshats making fun of me for various reasons.

I never self-harmed, but I had a friend in college who did. I can't say I completely understand why someone would do it, as depression gets to everyone in different ways. But I am very proud of you for slowing down with it and not hurting yourself as much. I'm also happy you're going to see your doctor about this. I know how hard that is, to talk to someone about things like this, or even to put what your problem is in to words that another person who hasn't experienced such things will understand.

And it is so not silly that you feel proud of yourself for putting off the harm. That really is something to be proud of! It seems like the way you're thinking about stopping is good, so keep up the good work there! All your coping mechs look like good ones to me. My main one for my depression is listening to music. Find out certain songs or artists that make you feel good about yourself, relaxed, and listen to them. It might take music that's relaxing that you can just sit and listen to, or it might take music you can belt out the lyrics/dance crazily to.

I especially like how you seriously question the negative thoughts you have though. That's probably the hardest one for me. I find myself thinking things like "I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't do a goddamn thing right." and then I think..."No, that's just me being an asshole to myself and it's not true."

So anyways, I'm rambling I guess. I hope something I said helped, if even a little. Just know that you are a good person and you are important - the Doctor said he never met a person in whole universe that wasn't important in some way to someone, and I believe it's true. If you ever want to talk, I'm usually on Subeta every day, so ping/comment/whatev. Hope things go better for you - you're doing a great job! hugs

Thanks for the response! I appreciate your kind words :'D Sorry for the confusion, I meant that having depression for the majority of my life is really lame, didn't mean myself but I can see how my wording was confusing. Completely understandable that you can't grasp why people self harm. Even to me it's a weird thing lol. I would offer a couple reasons as to why I personally did it, but I don't want to sound like I'm justifying the act or making it sound appealing to anyone that may read this because it is unhealthy and turns into an addiction. Plus, I'm sure from doing a little reading on it or talking to your friend from college you may have an idea of why she at least did it. Either way, the road I want to take now is healthy coping methods. :D

It took me some time to realize that at this point in my life the only assholes in my life are actually the voices in my own head (well, for the most part, anyway). And that realization was both relieving and slightly depressing. At least I can work on changing those voices to positive things or just shutting them the hell up at the very least :P

I appreciate you offering to listen if I need it. I'm not on subeta as much as I'd like to be anymore (no computer/laptop at the moment) but the same to you. Just send me an smail if you'd like. I try to check in at least once a week.

You've got some great coping ideas there already but I thought I'd post here anyways so you get another persons scope of depression, incase it helps you know? I've had depression since I was about 11 I'm going to say (that's sorta when I found out the crappy way I felt was called depression) and from about 12 years old till about 16 years old I self harmed. I cut on my thighs where I believed no-one would see them, I didn't want anyone to see what I did and ask why. My reasons for self harm? I don't really know anymore, someone asked me once and I said it was to punish myself for everything I got wrong because I could never do anything right. That reasoning to me now sounds like just another part of the depression. Another reason I thought I self harmed was because of the release I felt. The pain of the cut and the chemicals it sent through my brain made me feel better for a little while. But it didn't help really. In the end, I don't think there are reasons why someone self harms. At least there doesn't HAVE to be reasons, there can be reasons but you don't have to have them. (starting to not make sense already haha)

Now for why I stopped, if you could call it that. I stopped for proberly a shallow and selfish reason, but it actually worked. I Stopped self-harming because I wanted to find a partner to share my life with, and I thought to myself "How could anyone love me, if I have all these gross embarrassing scars, and how could I expect anyone to love me if I hurt me?". It was extremely hard at first, For a long time I'd have re-lapses and would cut again. But slowly, by just remembering the fact that my own dislike for the way the scars looked and how it made me feel looking at them was worse then the little 'good' I felt doing it I managed to stop. I'm 20 now, and while Ive not cut for a long time, I still get the urge to do it (or similar self harm stuff, like scalding my hands in hot water ugh) but I just remember that I dislike what the harm does to my body more, then I like the high from doing it.. Dunno if my story has helped you, but maybe?

Another few things that helped me stop, or at least cope: -Exercise, Of any kind. I find if you feel a bit better in your body you end up wanting keep your body nice -Diet change, I never changed my diet drastically but I found that by eating semi-healthy but also enjoying treats (things I love to binge on) made me feel better about myself so less harm -Talk about it with someone you trust. Now this doesn't work for everyone, but it might help you? Either way, even if you talk about it with total strangers (me? ahahaha yes I am strange) getting it all off your chest so to speak can help -When you have the negative thoughts that lead to the self harm, try switch to thoughts of good things. It doesn't have to be good things about yourself, I always found it hard to turn my negative thoughts about myself around, instead I just think about otherstuff. It could be as simple as instead of thinking negative thoughts, think about fluffy cute kittens! or Bunnies! or you know anything else thats not the things that take you down the self harm path. -Have stuff to do. If you fill your time up with other things hopefully you'd be less likely to harm. For me I through myself into my hobbies (arts and crafts and games), but it can be anything really. Take up something new, join a club or team for something you enjoy. Take on a new task.. Anything really to fill your mind so that there's less room for those negative thoughts (I call them the black ickies) -Cut down on being around things that set you off to self harm. This one is a toughie, especially since there's usually many many reasons why you'd self harm. But if its say Specific activities, or maybe specific people, try to stay away from them/it. I found personally that people would set me off, people who were careless with what they said to me, or about me. Or even just there personality would set me off (I'm a bit of a unsocial person p:). when I made a effort to not be around that, I was less likely to harm

To end my gibber gabber, I hope I've been some sort of help and I'd like to offer myself as a listening ear (reading eye?) for if you would ever feel like it. I may not always reply straight away (timezones, plus life) but I always try and get back to a person and I'm always there haha

I'd first like to wish you lots of love and warmth, and to let you know hat you are not someone bad, lame or whatever for being like this. Your illnesses do not define who you are.

I've been diagnosed with a low grade of schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder and depression and I self harm since I was eight, so I really do know what you're going through. For years I've been going in and out of hospitals to get stitched, life becomes a restless struggle to mend together what you tried to destroy within yourself. I understand this pain, ad it makes me really happy to see that you're managing to fight it. I know you can do it, I know we all can get better some day.

I'm mostly completely out of control when I self harm because it usually happens when I'm having a psychotic crisis, but here are some of the things I do to kill my urges or at least delay what might be unavoidable:

• Chew on lots of ice cubes. It will distract you A LOT for being absurdly cold, and you'll feel that weird pain in your brain that you get when you drink something that's freezing, which might soften your urges for a while.

• Run. Seriously, don't even think about it. Do it, anytime, anywhere. If it's night time and you are scared of getting robbed don't take anything but your running shoes and an old cellphone (In case you get robbed you can give the robber something, usually when you have empty pockets they tend to get really mad)

• Paint a colouring book. It's extremely relaxing and if you put a nice song in the background the whole activity becomes super soothing.

• Write EVERYTHING. It helps a LOT. I usually write small fictions of characters that are going through the same things I am, and it helps me a lot to understand my feelings. When you write in third person you can see the big picture way better than just looking from your own perspective. When you realise it your characters will be gaining consciousness and getting to solutions for your issues, or at least explanations.

• Eat something very sweet. Lots of serotonin and endorphins for you, yay! This might be tricky if you also have an eating disorder, so if it's the case try to save an specific amout of calories daily for a small sugary treat. You deserve it.

• If you find something in the internet that makes you laugh very hard or makes you happy, save it in a bookmark folder that you can easily access everytime you're feeling bad. You might at least smirk, and that's already something towards not freaking out.

• If you are feeling empty, make a list of things that you like and dislike, and write what you know and think about them. Think about all the positive things you've ever got in contact with that helped shaping who you are, and even the bad things that taught you to be tougher and stronger, then maybe you'll feel more in touch with yourself. And you may not be able to see it yet, but emptinesss the same thing as wholeness, because nothing is still something. You. are. whole.

• Sing your favorite songs VERY out loud. If you have trouble at home, just go to an empty park and scream all your pain away.

• And the last and maybe more important thing is: Get to know yourself. Get to know WHY you self harm, what do you feel when you do it, what triggers you, at which time of the day it usually happens (and what usually happens around you at these periods), make a full investigation of your head. If you find all the answers it will get way more avoidable and you'll be able to understand and have compassion for yourself. You are the only one who can love and understand you fully.

I hope I have somehow helped, and if you ever need to talk or if you ever think you're about to do something really stupid, feel free to message me. I'm still here, I'm still breathing, I'm still fighting. We can do this.

<3