I have some serious mommy problems..
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Hello all, I never really post things about my family because of my own morals and emotional walls, but it has gotten to a point where I feel like I need someone else's take on it.
some background info, a lot of babbling..
I don't even know where to start...
My mom had always been strict, ever since I was little. She grew up in Colombia. I never got to do the things my friends and neighbors did. I never got to sleep over my friend's house, or eat the same foods as them, and I barely got to go over their house. It was hard to accept but I moved on, living with it bending some rules sometimes but I did it.
I thought she would have lightened up as I hit middle school. The same rules applied as they did before, only now that I had a larger network of friends, the reigns were tightened. I can understand why at this age, with drugs and sex and what not... but i mean they were good people. Most of my friends were African American or mixed, a fair amount were guys. If i ever brought any of them up she would assume they were my boyfriend until she actually met them.
To this day I feel like she has some resentment to African Americans of any gender (ironically, my fiance is).
I'm babbling, I apologize. As of late I have stopped eating almost entirely. There are some nights when I go hungry, but I sleep it off. When I was younger, I was (and still am) considered the fat child. You know the big boned child whereas my younger siblings gain only muscle and lose fat in slabs. I liked junk foods too at my age but who didn't? The foods I enjoyed were taken away from me at a young age, cereals cookies, strawberry milk among them. I then learned that it was because they noticed a weight gain in me,I'd like to say that is when I started caring about my image, and was already self conscious because I still didn't know how to control my curly hair.
Anyway I have stopped eating recently, going off one or two small meals a day and lots of fluids. My mother picks on me a lot saying I am not eating, but when I tell my mother I had a lunch at Panera Bread or something she gets angry. She told me that she was no longer going to cook for me and I let her know that it was alright if she didn't and that I would eat if I hadn't eaten anything. I am a full time college student who is paying for her education out of pocket with her part time job. I literally am out all the time, at work or at school. And if I am at home I'm doing homework or playing video games after a long day. So of course I eat something outside from home. It IS NOT always McDonald's, I control myself to that only once or twice a month. We also ALWAYS eat chicken...and I just got really bored of it. But I can not tell my mother anything because she get furious.
I really love video games, especially League of Legends. It is how I met my fiance. My mom can't stand to see me on a computer for more than two hours of my day. I thought "Maybe she will understand. This is my stress relief." Well no. Unless I am playing on the weekends (which is TIMED to say the least) she gets livid if she sees me playing LoL Monday - Friday. I mean she loses it. I play in secret while she is at work tuesdays and thursdays and it really breaks my heart that she can not accept this as my favorite thing to do.
And it's not like I am not active, I dance for 8 hours a week 4 hours on tuesdays and thursdays each. On top of work and school. AND i am paying for it on my own, my mom doesnt see me as a dancer (why not do yoga or something?)
I know you all have never heard it first hand, but just the tone of voice she uses with me is just so judgmental and hurtful and angry. She doesnt want to understand it's her way or no way. I have tried explaining things to her but she doesnt have it.
I plan on transferring to Virginia next Fall and move in with my fiance. She has no idea that I am even engaged. I do not feel like I have to tell her with who I am staying with, but let her know where. She wants me to stay in NJ. I told her that the school I want to attend has one if not the best programs for art education. She rather me stay home.
I want out.
So I guess what I am asking is other people's opinions...and advice on how to live with a very angry woman all the damn time..
Honestly, I think moving out is the best thing you can do. She sounds like a very negative influence that you don't really need in your life right now. Maybe once you move out and things cool down between the two of you and you learn to take care of you first, then you can start making a better relationship between the two of you. Maybe once she sees you can make it on your own, she'll have a better attitude.
I do feel like I have to ask though, and please don't feel as if I'm being mean or anything, but I want to make sure that the relationship you have with your fiance is one built on a foundation of real love and not of just a way to escape your current situation. I'm not saying it is, but I had a friend in a similar situation who thought she was so in love with this guy and she moved in with him and it turned out to be a bad situation. She didn't really love him - she was just using him as a way to escape her home situation. I hope this isn't the case with you though. Please don't take offense at what I've said either. I don't mean it that way.
Thanks for responding ❤️ , I am hoping to leave next fall like i said, it just such a long time from now :/
As for my fiance, I don't mind I get asked that often. And at one point yes, it was just an escape from home when he came to visit me, but after a while he grew more and more precious to me to the point where I can say I truly am in love with him. I have his back as much as he has mine and he wants me out of here too. No hard feelings c: