I have a pile of issues I can't seem to get myself to work on/confront (which, hilariously, include a fear of talking in forums, so I guess I'm tackling one of them today, haha) and thought maybe listing them here would help clear my head, seeing as my head is a bit of a mess atm.

• The 10th of this month marked a year after my dad and I lost the first cat we got as a family. I'm not over it, I've tried not to get overly depressed and/or jealous of other people's pets or the fact that we can't afford to get another one anytime soon, but it's not working, and I'm miserable about it. Talking about it in-depth has proven to just make me more upset about it (and in turn upset at myself for... getting upset.)

• I'm still upset over my parents divorce, primarily upset at my dad. Mostly because while I'm grateful that it went over well, that my parents are still good friends, never put me in the middle, etc, I'm still upset over what caused it. I grew up having friends whose parents were divorced, terrible to them, or both, and wound up often thinking of how great my family was for not being split. Bad move on my part. (Side note: this happened when I was 16, I'm 24 now. Everyone thinks I should be 'over it already' and I feel guilty as hell even complaining about it, but I never resolved certain questions, or really got apologized to for having all this happen, so it's... a thing.)

• Unless something has magically changed in me (pretty sure it hasn't) I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 9. I took ritalin for a short amount of time until my parents took me off it because I wasn't myself while taking it. I can't clearly remember if my focus was improved during that period or not because I was so young/on it for maybe a week or two I'd guess, but all I know is my focus problems have worsened drastically, and I can't concentrate or enjoy learning much of anything. This, coupled with growing anxiety and depression over the two above things (along with a lot of self-hate, no self-esteem, all that,) makes it very close to impossible for me to do important things like get my GED, and just enjoy learning/researching like everyone in my life seems to.

tl;dr I feel inferior and horrible and I don't know where to start or how. I do intend to make a doctor appointment to tackle the ADD and/or anxiety/depression, but phone calls stress me right out, and it's hard to cultivate the motivation to actually do it. (I've considered doing a walk-in to make an appt, but our family doctor is rather far, and I feel bad throwing an extra cost in there.)

To anyone that takes the time to read or reply this: thank you and know I really appreciate it. I feel terrible even admitting some of these things, so putting this stuff 'out there' is... hard for me. OTL

First of all, I think you're very brave for posting and being honest about things that are hard to face. You should be proud of yourself for that. :)

Don't let anyone put a time limit on your grieving process, for the loss of your pet or for your parents' divorce. It's your individual process and you're entitled to move through it at your own pace, you don't have to answer to anyone for that. You're also entitled to feel what you need to feel and not feel bad about it.

I think a lot of events can affect us in ways we never would have considered at the time and that only become clear way later. My parents had a fairly non-traumatic divorce nearly 15 years ago now and at the time I would have said I was fine, I didn't go to counseling or anything, etc. But I'm still realizing different ways that it still does affect me and that's okay. It's okay to admit that and okay to try to get help if that's what you want to do.

I so relate to having trouble making doctor's appointments because phone calls make me anxious. I usually do better just walking in to schedule one or emailing if they give an email address online (some doctors do, it's worth checking - or even considering switching to a doctor who does allow for that). I try not to care if they think I'm odd, I need to get the help I need and that's what counts.

You're not inferior, it sounds like there are aspects of your brain that are getting in your way and you deserve better than that. It's so easy to compound all the things you think you can't do until it seems absolutely impossible, but therapy/medication can definitely help to make it easier for you to get started on them. And you're definitely not alone. :)

Oh gosh, thank you so much for all of this. Hearing it from friends or family is always appreciated, but from someone who isn't directly related to the problem (but has had similar experiences), it means so much. ;;

I've been trying to think of good replies to everything said, but I'd basically be repeating you, so I'll simplify things and say I definitely agree. :P Especially with the divorce things and doctor shenanigans. And while it's good that these divorces were relatively painless, some questions you just don't think of when you're younger, or you see things in a different light, etc... at that point it's like you said, just a matter of figuring out how to help yourself in a way that works well for you, should you need any!

Ohhh I hadn't thought of emailing, but that's something I'll keep in mind for the future. I did get through to their office the other day, and there are... some things to be worked out, so I think going in person and sorting through that is best at this point. I got my foot in the door though, so it's a start!

Thank you so much again for all of this. It really did help an awful lot, even just the fact that someone took the time out to read/type all that made me feel better. <3

I'm glad to hear you were able to get started talking to your doctor. And happy I could help! I know we don't know each other, but you're welcome to message me sometime if you want. :) Stay strong!