Is there somewhere we can check to see if we have any pending dances? Like if the "events" don't show or accidentally are deleted?

try this http://subeta.net/explore/masquerade.php?act=invited

if this what you meant. perhaps bookmark or notepad the link may assist you in the future, kind sir :)

Im noticing that when I log on to subeta, I've got a list of events asking to dance, Ive been careful to go down the list, click a couple then delete them, trying to keep track of them, but theres always some at the end that say 'oh no you havent been asked to dance!' there were at least 10 today,unless theyre coming back after Ive deleted them and Im clicking again, am I also 'losing' these dances? Tomorrow Im going to count them all before I click any, then count how many Ive done before it says Ive got none left. I apologise if this isnt quite what the OP meant.

The event cache seems to be overwhelmed with all those dance invites. It often takes (for me) about 1 minute until the event really disappears after clicking the red dot. I think there is already a topic at P&B about it. Easiest way to check is the "your proposal to dance was accepted"-link since it has an ID for every accepted dance. Click the (first) link in your dashboard, remember the last ID digits in your addressbar, delete that event, click the next eventlink, check via link-hovering the first event (or open up in a new tab) and have a look at the dance ID. It will probably be the same..