Ok so some months back we (my bf and I) made friends with ones of his friends new GFs who moved from another state to be here. We all got on really great. Then a few months ago out of nowhere she stops talking to me for no reason I can see or think of and only contacted me to ask why my BF wouldn't answer his phone or if we had seen her BF recently. It started to piss me off because WHY the hell do you go from "hi let's hang" or "can we go shopping" to nothing except to ask if I know where your BF was (last time I checked I wasn't his mommy or sitter) or why MY BF isn't picking up his phone (um cuz he works/ other things besides YOU in his life). So today I asked him why out of nowhere she was looking at me like I'd done something. She believes I'm the reason for my BF being unhappy... Uh yeah last time I checked he has a issue that medicine makes better aka super SEVERE mood swings. But he hasn't corrected her in it so has been letting her basically demonize me in her eyes rather than admit his issue to her. Also he refuses to take meds/ find a solution for it (different topic in the end).

As a result I confronted her about what he might have been telling her and that most likely it was a bunch of lies, not huge ones mind you, or misconceptions he was failing to correct. For example she thinks he's so upset with me that he's sleeping on the couch, reality is he's been playing video games/ youtube with our roomie until the wee hours of the night and coming to bed a few hours before I'm up for the day. She tried to tell me I was wrong, I pointed out I kinda sorta LIVE with him so know better than her what he's doing. That his "couch sleeping" is because he falls asleep playing games, not any fights between us. I also pointed out that if he's busy running around trying to solve all HER issues that all it's going to do is create issues for me and him, and frankly she /SHOULDN'T/ always run to my BF anytime she and her BF fight over money or use of a car you know? My BF has his own issues to sort and of course like any couple we run into our own.

Finally this has become an issue to me of her always demanding my BFs time to help her issues that she can put some big pants on for and solve herself. Then she hands the phone to her BF who says I'm "upsetting her" and to knock it off and take my "petty" issues elsewhere. Which I found laughable that he would come to her "rescue" when I was simply ststing how I was feeling on what was going on. The last thing she said to me was "I don't want to have to retell what's going on", like please you stopped talking to me a long time ago, could have filled me in at ANY point, rather than crying "people need to leave me and my BF alone" and then being demanding that my BF won't go party with you and won't answer his phone.

Which leads to another point, most of the "issues" she has at this point are her own doing. Her BF is SELLING himself online DAILY, she has known of it since they had started dating. She somehow magically wants it to stop, but telling her that clearly her BF may have an addiction or simply not care about her is "mean", that somehow unicorn and pixie dust will make him stop. Clearly he needs help of some kind, this thing he's doing is clearly something he's been up to for some time. At this point, since she's known for a LONG while now, it's her own stupidity for these repeating issues. It's time to leave me and my BF OUT OF IT.

While I set my foot down I did it nicely, no name calls or telling anyone to fuck off or most things said in a verbal dispute. Just me being firm in telling her to leave us out (my BF even told her last night there's nothing for us to do to help) of this situation and that I'm not going to stand for any ill thoughts directed at me for my BF not telling full truths or allowing misconceptions to not be fixed.

I SOOOOO very badly the next time she comes here want to tell her to take her petty issues away from here much like her BF told me (or tried to tell me off) with. I also so very much wanted to laugh at him for thinking he's "defending" his woman but turns around and treats her like shit and sells himself online. Like so badly, but I told them "I just needed to say my bit I've had enough of watching my BF's time get used up and finally it's become an issue for me enough to say something about it" and left it at that. But just ARGH like HOW can you say you want people to keep out of things but when I finally say the same I'm the "bad guy" in this? I'm just hoping between my BF saying we can't help and me finally saying it's an issue they get the hint and get their shit straight or she grows up and just leaves him and she'll be issue free.

Like on one hand I feel for her situation, but on the other there's me and mine to look out for. I just hope I went about it the right way for my side of things.

As stressful as that situation sounds, I think you handled it well. It's clear that they have some issues that they need to work out. It just sounds like they really need to talk things out, and she doesn't know how to initiate the conversation/ wants to avoid it because that would mean something is wrong. These situations are always hard because no one wants to believe that their relationship isn't perfect, but relationships also take a lot of work by all parties. I would just keep letting her know that she needs to sort it out with her boyfriend, that you and your boyfriend really don't want to get in the middle of things, and maybe even tell her that if she feels it's worth it to try couples counseling. She'll either learn to communicate and solve her problems or stop asking you two to get involved. Either way, she'll hopefully stop being so hostile, and you'll have less stress.

Thank you for reading and replying! I also asked my BF if at any time this girl came over crying that her BF was "cheating/ selling himself" if she had ever presented proof and my guy told me there never was anything she showed him. Or could even point him to for finding out anything for her, since originally she had been asking my guy for input on how she might talk to hers about the issues or even see if my BF could talk to him.

But as things tend to do the more he listened and spent time trying to intervene their issues, she began to develop feelings for my BF which is why she became so obsessed with why he wouldn't go partying with her or answer his phone. I asked him if he had any clue about it, because at the start my internal gut was fine but over time started dinging off, and he said he had no idea. He doesn't think she had feelings, but why else would she only want time with him by herself? To glare at me whenever I was, to even care if I was going to be home? She was always asking him if I was going to be around, if he said I was at work she wanted to come over, if he said I was home she'd not come over.

When I brought up some of the things she had texted him about, such as asking how comfy the couch was for his "couch sleeping" nights, to correct her on what was the reality, all she could do was jealously ask "Oh so YOU go through his phone like a snoop?" I told her he and I are open with our phones, that we even use eachother's phones when we can't find our own so yes EVERYTHING texted, calls made, ect ect could be seen by either of us at anytime. She kinda got quiet after that.

And since my BF hasn't paid his phone bill yet I'm kinda interested in seeing how many texts she has sent once he does pay it off. I'm betting none at this point, but if there's more of this "I'm sad you won't party with me you suck" shit then idc she can rot on the road for all I care.

Maybe she feels like she's not getting enough attention from her own guy? That would explain her feelings getting misplaced at least. Regardless, it's not an excuse for her to try to get your guy alone which is what she seems to be trying to do. There's really no reason for her to not come over and hang out with him if you are there if she truly wants to be friends as she obviously knows you two live together and so you'll be there the majority of the time.

The texts she sent about the "couch sleeping" nights seem suspect as if she believed your relationship with him was rocky like her own and therefore she could swoop in or something. More so when she keeps inviting him out and responding immaturely when he declines her invitations. I definitely agree with dropping her like a hot potato, especially if she keeps it up because you two have tried helping her repeatedly yet she won't take advice. Nor does she seem inclined to ever take it.

No honestly if my guy were doing what hers appears to be, cuz for all we know she might have fabricated some to seem more at odds or neglected, I'd be dropping him like yesterdays trash. I wouldn't want to fight to keep something where I'm clearly not of any importance. Or even if it is an addiction of some kind and he wasn't inclined to seek help I'd be out. Thankfully mine isn't like that, and we both talked about our own levels of expectations from eachother to begin with. Seems many couples have not had any talk until shit hits a fan.

But all said and done I'm glad to hear I was ok to stand up for myself. A LOOOONG standing history of me never being able to tends to end up with me feeling bad about finally saying enough is enough for myself.

Also learned to listen to my gut feels on people more often too.