I need some advice, I feel I should handle my situation a lot better but I cant seem to get a grip. My Soul Sister has terminal Leukemia and breast cancer. She has already accepted and feels she can live comfortably and happily like she normally would until her day comes.

I can not handle this very well at all... I can't think about the idea of loosing her with out a heavy chest and watery eyes. It is not really too late and things still have a chance to turn around but as far as right now it doesn't look good. It is hitting me really hard.

Does anyone have some similar experiences and if so I would like to hear them. I kind of want to know I am not the only one. Even if not, but you have something that might help me bear it a bit better than I am, I would really like to hear that too.

Lavender is the color for all cancers.

i'm very sorry to hear that. :c it really hurts to know this.

i lost my grandfather in november (not to cancer, but his heart was failing), and it was so sudden. i love him dearly and am still in a little bit of denial, so i can somewhat sympathize with you. everybody copes with these things differently, but right now, i recommend you cherish the time you have with her and make the most of it. that is something i regret not doing with my grandfather. i know that right now this does not seem fair. u.u

i do not really know what else to say, but if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you can message me if you want. i truly wish the best for you and your soul sister. <3 ^^

-hugs- I am so, so sorry. About a month ago I lost my aunt- who was like a second mother- unexpectedly. I went to the store with her one week and a week later she was dead. She was 53.

If I had things to do again I'd have spent more time with her. I mean, we were in a good place but there are things I would have done differently. Every moment is precious. Live, laugh, love, mourn and eventually move on.

Thank you. I am tearing up hearing your kind words. I remember losing my Dad some years ago and it as unexpected, and now expecting it, living everyday thinking it did not happen today but it could happen tomorrow or the next is so painful. I am so grateful

Thank you Thank you

I also appreciate the gifts from my Anonymous friends. I did not expect this outcome. I normally don't post things this sorrowful but I am glad I did, I was not going to go very far if I did not tell someone how I felt. I can not tell you how much this is helping.

Aw, I'm so sorry. :C Spend time with her. Get some happy memories in there while you can! :) Also, make sure you get closure, whatever that means to you personally. I know some people didn't make it in time to say goodbye to a loved one and it continues to haunt them. :C

It is hard to let loved ones go. I lost my dad, older brother AND older sister back in 2009. As a cancer survivor trust me you arent the only one freaking out. At times i felt i couldnt breathe just thinking about how much sicker i would get and the thought of leaving everyone would make me hyperventilate. One day i woke up and decided to take each day as it comes and accept whatever happens. I was lucky and found a bone marrow donor and i have been in remission for 9 years. Cancer unfortunately runs in my family so it could come back but there is no need to worry about it now.

My advice is to not let it show to your friend that you are stressed. Treat her like she isnt sick (all my friends left my life when i got sick and it SUCKED, they said they didnt know what to say or do to help me) you dont need to have all the right words or do anything just love her and tell her you love her as much as you can and when she leaves this life remember her with a smile instead of tears

If you wanna talk further feel free to mail me

I do know that feeling my Dad was a different person and I did not like the person he was. It got to the point I wanted to move out and while I know that actually in a way it broke his heart he did not show it in a good way. I regret that every now and again, because it was not soon after my Freshman year ended that he passed away. Closure had not come to me and I will accept that it is nothing that I can change but I still think I might have done things differently if I did it again. Thank you.

I really feel like you understood where I am at during that point in your life. I am holding on to her but as she keeps talking about being terminal it really feels like I am holding water and it is dripping out of my fingers. But I am especially glad that I am hearing it from your point of view, it means the world to me to know what I could do for her. If it did come to that where she leaves I had the feeling at the beginning of this like my heart would shatter. Reading your response cleared up something I almost forgot. Thank you.

I would suggest seeking out a support group, social worker or a grief counselor if you can. Look for a local hospital with a cancer center, they will likely be able to provide you with resources and understanding. When my mother was hospitalized, her friend told me not cry around her. Big mistake for me, I felt like a huge mess inside. I don't think I could have handled it if I wasn't able to vent to someone.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I lost my great uncle (he was like a grandfather to me) to Bladder Cancer 4 years ago. There's no other way to put it: Cancer sucks.

That being said, all I can recommend is to allow yourself to have emotions. When you need to cry, cry. If you're angry, punch pillows or throw ice. And spend as much time with her as possible. Laugh because those funny moments are the best. And take lots of pictures together. I wish I had more pictures of my uncle and I together.

Just know you aren't alone. If you need someone to talk to, my message box is always open.

It really is hard to find people to vent to. I really turned to subeta forums as a last resort like I really needed to scream. I still find it really hard to not cry some times, but lately it has gotten easier to just acknowledge the thought. Hearing her say it and hearing how she was actually okay if it just came to an end, I wanted to scream "No!" I could not fight back my tears over the phone listening to it. I think looking to a help group sounds like it could do some good I will totally see if I can find one near me. Thank you.

I have not heard about throwing ice that actually sounds like it would be relaxing. I really like the picture suggestion, I do need lots of pictures with her. We have not done that in some time. Thank you for being so open, and showing my emotions would be the best bet since I figured out I can't hold them back. I did try but there was an internal screaming that shook my body and overwhelmed me. I can smile and act like it is not there but especially the feeling that you can't do anything about it... just flat out kills me... So I thank you for giving me your advice. I understand what I CAN do and not focus on what I can't do. Thank you.

You're welcome. Throwing ice really helps me when I'm angry. I need to throw things, so I get that and hearing it break helps too. Holding this in can make things worse in the long run, so that's why I always tell people to allow their emotions.

I really like the ice idea. I don't normally get mad and throw things but that sounds like it will be calming for sure. Yeah I definitely do not do well when I can't express what I really think, it does kind of go from being silent to being cranky to shouting at someone or just crying.

Telling all of you this did help me get a grip on my crumbling emotions and knowing I am not the only one means my actions are not crazy. I can't tell you how nice that feels.

I had a therapist suggest that to me when I had anger problems. I was blown away by how well it worked. I'm glad it hear it will help you too.

I can't stand when people tell you to get a grip on your emotions. We're human and we're entitled to our emotions. That's why a lot of people, esp Americans, have anger and other emotional problems. We're told not to and it just leads to bigger issues in the long run.