Wow I was really messed up, but I'm keeping it to reflect on later and etc sigh

Well, for one it sounds like your art isn't actually the problem but what your anxiety and fear is referred to. Weather or not the issue is biological imbalance, a situational one, or a combo of both I can't say and could only hazard a guess. You'd need to see a professional to figure that out.

Secondly, I'm pretty sure what's going on is beyond anything you can do with an online help forum. If you're in school, I'd highly suggest seeing a school counsiler. If not, I'd highly suggest making an appointment with a therapist- believe me, it's completely worth it.

Thirdly, as someone who has severe anxiety and moderate depression- exercise. I could go into the science of it but exercise will make you feel better. Sometimes, nothing but literally running/biking hard and long until I'm panting and my muscles hurt from excretion that I can calm down.

The forums are kinda my only choice of outlet aside from Twitter (which for many reasons I don't want to use to vent on anymore) but it felt slightly better to let my scattered thoughts pour out somewhere...

Guess I wanted to hear from others who could be/had been in a similar situation as well. I'm not currently in school, but I want to be in the fall. School counseling was something I had in high school and it did help a lot. Thinking about therapy outside of school makes me highly nervous or just having the thought of opening up a stranger makes me uncomfortable, even though they're paid to do that.

I believe you on the exercise. Jogging was always something I wanted to do, but my mom hates being home alone and me going out by myself, even though now I'm 21. It's frustrating.

Sound like I'm coming up with excuses... I'm sorry. "orz I know a lot of good solutions, but I suppose I like hearing them from other people/talking about it.

Do you have allergies? Another thing that might help is volunteering at an animal shelter. I honestly cannot think of anything less judgmental than a dog. Maybe go on a walk with them or play with them?

Another thing I thought about- gardening has shown dramatic positive affects on the psyche. Maybe start a small garden? Like, a window garden of herbs and veggies? Plus you can eat what you grow!

That does sound pleasant. The last thing I cared for was a pet betta. Sure you can't go out and walk a fish, but I think having something to care for makes me feel a bit more important. In a way.

The window garden sounds like a great idea ;_; I certainly don't know where to start with it, though. Months back I got an African violet. Incidentally, I bought it to bury my fish in, despite me being cautious of becoming a plant killer. It's been doing fine but doesn't bloom, so oops... but I have small confidence that I can start to do real green thumb work after all??

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me and make suggestions, I really appreciate it. It gives me some clarity.

I honestly don't think I'd be here/the same person without my lizards. -hugs- smail me if you want someone to talk to- I'm pretty good at listening.

Aww, lizards are awesome. A friend is passing down her old tank to me, so I hope to get a new fish friend soon! I adore bettas aaa Thanks for the offer. (-:

i don't know how to help you about the anxiety, which seems to be the worst part... i heard meditating helps a lot but i haven't tried it either so...

about the art part, if you want to talk about it, i'm an art student and i feel like that about 24/7. as awful as it may be, feeling like that is normal when it comes to artistic work lol : )

Anxiety could literally be the death of me-- I think finding other things to occupy myself (mainly, my mind) works really well. Meditating I'd try, but that's near impossible to do with a kid brother running around and my mom would probably make fun of me for trying. She always gets on my case when I try to do something... "different".

Yeah, a friend told me the same thing. That's what it's like being an artist. Artists of the past went through things like this. They weren't really sound of mind either. I told him I thought that was really, really bull that it's almost destined, y'know? I guess this is all a trial of having a passion.

Anyway, thanks for dropping a message. This was like a month ago and I'm doing a lot better, after lots of thinking. I've been trying to look at art all differently. Not just mine, but the subject as a whole. I think I'm getting somewhere. Mainly trying to "take myself less seriously", haha. I hope I can keep it up.

you can't let your mom prevent you from trying to get better though. don't stop doing things that make you feel better because your mother makes fun of you (i understand where you're coming from, my parents did the same... it's bloody ridiculous)

ill be finishing college in a year and a half and i just realized i still can't draw subeta pets ahahaha. at first i was very frustrated and angry, but then i begin talking about it with a friend and ended up laughing about it : ) like what the hell! i can't draw a jollin to save my life!

(i really like your art, by the way. the colors you use work in a very unique and nice way together)

THIS THREAD WAS A MONTH OLD? ooooops sorry ahahaha! n___n

I try to avoid dealing with her nonsense whenever possible. She'll always roll her eyes and go "whatever", when I try to talk to her about any issues I want to solve. She's like the kind of person to not believe you're depressed, only lazy or what have you.

My only saving grace is that she sleeps in the morning, being accustomed to a graveyard shift schedule, so I could do whatever I want... but I have to fix my own sleep schedule first. :b

Oh man, I bet it feels a lot better to be able to laugh about it. I want to be able to do that too. I haven't really taken the time to practice animals myself, but I have this. Basic grasp on them? I'm pretty positive you and I can use more time to practice/learn and get better, though. Just, yeah... Finding and keeping that motivation, trying not to go out of my mind...

(Thanks. If I had to pick something I really like doing and think I'm good at, it's coloring. That's for damn sure!)

YEAH IT'S OKAY I mean you're still helping and all. And the thread's still fresh enough to not be considered necro'd, womp womp

well yeah my father's a little like that but instead of the eye rolling or whatevers he just gets defensive and attacks you all over the fucking place. thank god im not living the whole time with them now

it does, just think about how silly it is : ) yes of course we can. do you ever look back at old drawings and think "OH DEAR LORD WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP"? the other day i found a note book where i wrote and did some drawings when i was a teenager and dear lord so much drama all over the place! xD

yep, your coloring is pretty unique!

SORRY i guess i was THAT desperate for a bit of chatting! then i saw "hate my art" and i was like OK NOW THIS I CAN RELATE TO : )

Oh g o d Can't wait until I get out of this house myself... S'not gonna happen any time soon (maybe??) but yeah I'm finished with this side of my family. If I didn't have the art stuff to cry about, it'd about my mom and step-dad. I'm lucky to have a more understanding dad, who I might move in with when he can afford another house again.

I LOVE WHEN I FIND OLD ART... IT'S SO RELIEVING TO SEE YOU'VE ACTUALLY IMPROVED... and it's so easy to laugh about! Instead of dramatic, I was really dumb LOL like 12-year-old on Deviantart dumb (both in writing and artwork)

HA tbh I'm always up for chatting and love it-- sometimes I don't know when I've said more than I need to

parents... n__n why can't they just understand we're all just humans goddammit that's good that you father is more understanding

yes : D i found my photobucket account... where i had "layouts" i made for people on neopets... oh dear :' ) OH YES DEVIANTART! YES BUT I WAS BOTH ahahahah xD

good : ) well sometimes i do that too, don't worry. like a few moments ago when i began ranting about my father LOL

edit: just look at this woooow at the time i thought this picture was like the coolest thing ever what the fuck xD

I wish I kept a lot of the old stuff I uploaded to DA because it was mouse+mspaint crap... Maybe it's a good idea to look back on really old art to sway any unnecessary feelings of inferiority. :b

that picture is the perfect representation of how I felt a month ago yes LIKE IS THAT A NEEDLE IN AN APPLE...??? deep hurt, symbolic pain

I don't mean to shove off my past feelings, but I would much rather talk like this than be 100% super serious omf...

i love paint seriously :' ) sometimes i got mad, deleted my da account and created a new one... it is! it's also motivating and fun

aha, yeah... i even added "No photo manipulation!" ahahahahah the picture is so bad it actually could use some manipulating

yeah : ) of course your art is something serious, but when you get to a point where you look back and see that you can do better then i suppose you can laugh a little. like, what would the you who drew that old drawing think about what you've been drawing lately? they probably would be VERY impressed