I've posted my story before, about being a transgender man who's only come out in the past few years. Generally, it's been a positive reception on behalf of my friends and family. Today, though - my birthday - I kind of got a slap in the face and it's really, really broken my heart.

I've been going by my chosen name, John, for about two years. Of course my husband and I live with his 65 year old Pentecostal parents, who don't know he's queer and think I'm a woman. It's bad enough listening to them call me 'girl' and call me by my birth name, but apparently they've started noticing 'John' on things. On my husband's phone when I call. On my Xbox and Playstation accounts. Never on mail, because I'm not that foolish, but I thought I was being clever.

And today, of course, I wanted John on my birthday cake.

So he lectured me about being more careful and I had to eat ENTIRELY too much cake to hide it, and I'm just really wounded because it's easy for him to hide his sexuality. He's married to a pre-everything transgender man who doesn't pass. However, it's really hurting me and I'm so tired of it but I can't afford to get a place of my own and be a full-time college student.

I just don't know what to do.

Is your husband saying that you should be careful about you being the way you are, a man? That's a red flag. Maybe you should sit with him, point exactly what's going on. Eventually, if the outcome is something that makes you sad, you should act and do something that will make you happy.

I hear you about being a full-time college student. Maybe you guys could stay roommate while you hoard some money? @ Johniarty [Edit] By the way, I'm a closeted bisexual at home, so I can relate to what you're feeling in a certain way.

- He tried to dissuade me from getting 'John' on the cake and instead going with my birth name. He said they'd been asking him a lot of questions and he doesn't trust them to know the truth about us. And on any other day I would have agreed, but, it's my birthday, you know? He could have waited. I have safe spaces that AREN'T here, but they're temporary - I often stay with my aunt, but she travels a lot and often doesn't have the ability to have company (she's head of the TCM department at my college, and does the work of ten people every day). It's just wearing me down, you know? His father doesn't even call my name - he just calls me 'girl', and it hurts so much.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk, like far said. You are the one he chose to be with, the one he loves, right? So he should support you first. I can't say I know much personally about what you're facing, but I have a friend who went through something similar, so I guess I know a little. I really hope everything works out for you. I wish there was more I could say or do to help, to let you know I really do care.