I warn you. There will be rambling, but I really need somewhere to vent to that isn't my friends. You'll read soon as to why. I also hope I am not seen as some whining teenager. I feel like one, but all I want is something that actually helps.

I understand that in the end I'm the only one who can solve my own problems, however I don't exactly find that helpful. What I mean more specifically is when my friends have more of a "get off your ass and do something about it" attitude. I understand that already. I don't need more voices telling me what I know. :c

Anyway to the point. Over the last year or two, I've gotten to be much more emotionally stable (after a string of bad relationships) and I have a boyfriend who is honestly one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Let's call him Potato. He's the only one I will really talk to about my feelings of worthlessness and whatnot because despite the fact he's got little to say, he knows that all he really needs to do is be empathetic and have my back if need be. I don't feel like I have to conceal my thoughts to him, he's pretty much non judgmental so far as I have seen. I've had a few times in the past where these feelings have crept in again but I've had him there and he's one of the biggest comforts for me.

Today, I hosted a get together for a few of my friends (Potato, two other males and a female), despite the fact I didn't really want to. No one else will host and I like to usually give people a good time, but as of late it has been more and more difficult to be engaged in group conversations. I find there's nothing for me to comment about, or it's mostly pointless crap. The night was fine until after Potato left and a lady, who we'll call Elsa, was mentioned. Elsa is honestly an amazing person and I do hold her in the highest regard. She's the top of class (maths & sciences), does international robotics competitions (and wins), does music and numerous extra curricular activities. My friends praised her once again and this time it got on my nerves. I wasn't offended by her being so good at everything - she's worked hard for it. More so, what I think I disliked was how much attention she was getting from everyone all at once over and over again. My poor self esteem kicked in and wouldn't stop. It's not like I'm a piece of worthless shit, but once I get into a bad mood I just can't escape it sometimes. For the rest of the night until they left, I felt worthless and like they wouldn't care about my issues. I even started crying in front of them, told them what was on my mind and they more or less just seemed to acknowledge it. I know they can't fix me, but I guess I want their support and help none the less. After they left, my moods leveled out again after one or two more tears shed alone. My moods go from being extremely hyper and happy to completely depressive.

Can you, the wonderful Subeta community help me?

I want some help dealing with the downs of mood swings because when I'm in them, it's really hard to imagine or reach happiness.

I want some help when it comes to staying motivated for anything because I know that will help with the feelings of worthlessness.

And finally if there's anything else you have to say that would help me a bit, please by all means say it :3

I have the same problem with moods swings as you described. I talked about it with my therapist and she advised me to analyse my feelings. Why am I this happy? Why am I this sad? Is it really worth it or am I only exaggerating? It helps me sometimes, tracking the reason behind my emotions.

I hope it helps you somehow, have a great day!!!

Are you seeing a therapist or a doctor for these things?

Your problem is you're unable to differentiate between people actually crossing a line or your feelings getting out of hand. I think the situation you described was a little of both.

I think you should talk to a therapist about cognitive behavioral exercises or try them on your own if you really can't get access to one. This website gives a brief overview of the theory, this is my favorite book that employs the tactics and it costs a penny on Amazon, here is a website with a few exercises.

If you really do your best with your cognitive behavior studies and still don't feel like you're getting anywhere, talk to a doctor about getting on a low dose anti-anxiety or anti-depressant like fluoextine.

thank you :3

No, I haven't gone to a therapist about it because these periods don't happen all the time, so I've been handling well (so far as I can see until points like this). Also, your idea (the inability to differentiate) actually sounds reasonable. As time has passed, it's been harder to feel certain things as well as tell boundaries for other people. I'll take a look at your links.

Thank you :3 I do apperericate it :D