So, for a few years I've been having moodswings. I'm usually pretty level-headed though I seem to switch between euphoria and being very lonely and depressed. The odd thing, however, is that either way I’m content. I don’t enjoy being depressed, though I’m fine being that way. I used to cut myself and I hadn’t for almost a year and I just began to again the other night. I don’t know why I do. When I’m either euphoric or depressed, I can’t imagine experiencing the other mood and feeling okay, so I’ll try to stay in each mood as long as I can. Any help?

Hello I want to say first I'm really glad you're reaching out about this. It's a hard thing to do often enough but I know things can get to the point where whatever methods used to cope are just not working well enough. When something impacts your life negatively, like your mood-swings, it's time to change something.

I'm definitely not a medical professional here, but my main suggestion is seeing someone who IS a medical professional. Self-diagnosis can lead to some unnecessary unpleasantness, and a person trained in the field will have a much better grasp of what is going on than some random person on the internet (me XP ).

That being said the depression state where you can't imagine experiencing the other mood? That's a situation that I believe is very easy to feel desperate and trapped in. Do you have numbers for, or have you tried, crisis networks at that point? It's a resource that is an option for many different problems that may help sometimes.

Sorry I'm not much help on the concrete at the moment ;n; it was 4 am when I stumbled on this and like I said I really believe that a professional will be of more use in the "Where do I begin?" stage. I just wanted to respond to you reaching out by reaching back. I'll try and stop by this thread again tomorrow if I'm up to it for more concrete alternative coping methods if you like?

The biggest help I can give is to tell you to reach out to a medical professional. Like cookie stated, self-diagnosis isn't a great idea.

However, I think there are some things you should look into:

• Identify what is going on in your life in general and then go into detail, trying to identify what you are feeling as you go to cut can help you identify the trigger
• Keep track of how often and for how long the episodes of euphoria and depression hit, these can help out immensely
• See when these feelings are happening. Is it year round? Is it only during the darker months of winter?

If you do choose to go see someone, these things will be helpful in identifying the problem and thus the solution. It is also important that you tell the professional about the self harm no matter how recent, how little, etc. It might make you feel uncomfortable at first but it is important.

I hope you start feeling better <3

Sometimes I honestly feel like the only problem in my life really is me- I have friends and family and maybe I'm lonely sometimes but besides that I have a pretty good life. There are people in worse situations. I feel like I have no reason to feel this way and no reason to cut myself, yet I do. I had gone to a therapist in the past and she was nice though I didn't tell her anything. I feel like I really don't want my mother to know, actually. The disappointment and the awkwardness of it, maybe, I don't know. And the fact that I don't always feel like this; it's hard to imagine feeling euphoric when I'm depressed and or imagine how I'd feel when I'm depressed when I'm euphoric. Thank you for your input =)

Just because you have friends and family or even a good life doesn't mean you can't be sad or feel the need to self harm. Your problems are just as valid as the next persons :)

I understand not wanting your mom to know. Everyone's parents are different-- fortunately for me when my mom found out we ended up working on and attempting to deal with what was going on.

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm only a smail away~ And if you ever feel like self harming there are tons of methods you can try instead. The one I tried that worked the most would be using a marker instead of what you would normally. Either doodling on your body where you would want to, or doing a line for every time you want to do a cut.

You may end up covered in ink but it will wash off. And I'd rather you were covered in that then something else hugs

Oh no! Oh bless me I'm so sorry I truly meant to come back to this thread D: Please forgive me; I didn't mean to neglect you. And sorry for the long post in advance!

"Should." You didn't say the word but I felt it. Comparing situations really is apples and oranges. Everyone has their troubles, everyone has their pain, and as said, your distress is just as valid as the next person's. hugs Every parent is different, but if you imagined a friend of your mothers coming up to her in a distressed state do you think she'd turn away from them? It's rarely an easy subject to talk about, but the more trusted people you can be open with the greater your support system. Maybe just someone to sit with you or chat with on Those Nights. ^-^ I'm also only an smail a way just fyi, it's not an empty offer. :3

Constructive Alternatives: (As promised) also makes a good suggestion on alternatives to self-harm. I'd like to build on that with something; Perhaps draw something you specifically cherish. There was a movement at one time called the Butterfly Project actually that's a thought to look into. I ended up looking like a tree covered in monarchs for a while but it did help me ^-^

Another one is one that is so easy to dismiss 'cause it sounds cheesy. It's poetry. Now I'm not suggesting long angsty poems where you dwell on the pain. No no, sometimes those help but what has helped me more has been the Haiku or the longer Waka. The reasoning behind this is because they are:

1. So short I'm more likely to actually follow through and do them XP
2. So condensed that it helps me articulate what I'm feeling/ thinking
3. Once I've articulated what I'm feeling/thinking in such direct phrasing I don't feel quite so lost.

The poems don't have to be pretty, or even see the light of day, but it really helped me focus in a way. So it's a thought.

Another more concrete thing I'd suggest is something creative. I started painting (very very badly) a few years back which can help at times because it is making something rather than feeling like breaking inside and out. Hopefully that makes sense. Anyhow, oddly enough, what has helped me more on a day to day basis isn't as grand-sounding as painting... it's crochet. It's something that keeps my hands occupied, it's something creative, it's something repetitive and relaxing. Not everyone finds projects like crochet relaxing, but I'm really an advocate of keeping the hands busy. Knitting, sewing/embroidery, weaving, and my favorite playing with clay. The clay thing is if you have the freedom to make a mess, I'd really suggest it because it is so darn tactile and harmonious with the emotions.

For some reason last night when I was really tired I came to some epiphany as to why I cut myself, though I guess the reason was simple I don't know why I didn't see it before. It's almost an oxymoron, actually, as I see it as a comfort yet also a punishment system. Unfortunately, also selfishly, possibly as a call for attention. It's ironic altogether and I dislike myself more for the selfish reason, which makes it a cycle. I don't like doing it, as I feel like I'm disappointing others and maybe myself but it's like I've lost myself. Throughout my life I've always had the loosely defined "good" and "bad" thoughts in my head though I've always been able to tell which I truly agreed with and followed. Though now it's like I could be lying to myself and I won't even know. Thank you for listening, even if I'm rambling. Thank you for the doodling idea, and the butterfly project. They seem like nice alternatives that I'll have to try.

I’m sorry to leave this for a day but I felt I should really think about the answer I gave. Sorry in advance for another gigantic post >////<

Looking into different ways of coping with cutting cravings is a great start! Trying them out to see what might fit is fantastic! Every time you resist a craving is something to be celebrated! Just take some time and find what works best for you ^-^

As to your revelation~ Sometimes it's hard to see the reasons behind something that feels like a knee-jerk reaction. Definitely when there is so much emotion about it. That mix of emotions between comfort and punishment is actually fairly common I believe. You may dislike yourself for the attention-seeking possibility, but in this case what it sounds like to me is desperation not drama. I could be wrong of course, because I'm not in your head. What I see is someone dealing with a storm of mood shifts and emotions looking for a way to cope and, yes, pleading for attention. In this case I don't think that striving for that attention is a bad thing. Why? Because you seem to be dealing with a problem that is too untenable to manage alone at this point. It may be something like, as trite as it sounds, a cry for help. What does that mean? Look roots of the word “cry”

ORIGIN Middle English (in the sense ‘ask for earnestly or loudly’): from Old French crier (verb), cri (noun), from Latin quiritare ‘raise a public outcry,’ literally ‘call on the Quirites (Roman citizens) for help.’

And getting that help is not a bad thing in any way.

The key point would be your actions now that you are seeing the components of the 'why' behind your actions. If part of the cutting is in someway trying to get attention (in my mind to get help) maybe it's time to be proactive and speak your needs rather than carving them in your body. I know, easier said than done. BUT! If you feel you need company so you won’t harm yourself, reach out and ask someone to stay for a moment. You don’t even have to explain fully at first, but rather take an action that fulfills your need for that moment. Perhaps work up to being able to be honest about the mood swings and the consequences of them.

As to the self-doubt: I can really empathize on this one but need to think about it a little more how to articulate what I mean. For the moment just remember that you are not alone in feeling that.