donezo

1. You don't go back to him
2. Even if it hurts/even if you miss him
3. You don't go back
4. You block him

You don't need that in your life. Take it from someone who have been cheated on 3 times with the same person.

Cheating while intoxicated is a lot different than deliberately cheating while sober. His intentions weren't cruel or malicious. It wasn't something he planned on doing. It only happened because he was drinking and his thoughts were altered. If nothing like this has ever happened before, you've never caught him cheating or flirting etc, then I say give him the benefit of a doubt (but ask him to cut ties with the girl he had sex with), especially because it's not something he tried to hide. He came right out and told you that it happened instead of keeping it from you. That shows me that he cares and truly is sorry.

It's hard to get over. It will take time to stop thinking about it but you'll never truly forget. It stays with you forever but if you love him and consider it a serious relationship then it's worth the effort. If you do decide to stay with him and work on things and then it happens again, then you should leave him.

Good luck. :)

"Getting over" a spouse cheating on you is very subjective... there is no "proper" way to do it. I agree with OP in that cheating while sober/drunk is different because one has different intentions in each state of mind. But the state of mind you're in is not an excuse for justifying cheating on someone. I think the best way to get over it is to ask him why he did it. Was it in the heat of the moment? Was he craving sex and needed it? Has he ever cheated on you sober?

Some individuals have a different perspective on sex, in that sex is just that: sex. No emotional attachment. Speaking from experience, I knew some males who cheat on their girlfriends by having sex with other women. Not sure why they carry on the relationship with their girlfriends from home, but that's another story. IMO, having a relationship on the side while still dating someone is totally cheating.

tl:dr; Talk to your boyfriend about the subject rather than avoiding it. If he refuses to talk about it and be open, you should consider moving on and stop dating him. He hurt you and should own up to his actions.

I agree with you don't need that in your life. Drunk or sober, cheating is still cheating. My boyfriend is now 3,000 miles away and it's been like this for months now. I've gotten drunk on few occasions and danced with hot guys or with cute friends that I may share a connection with but I won't even kiss them because I know he trusts me and I trust him. I don't forget even when I'm drunk that I love him. There are plenty of other guys out there that can go and get drunk and not hook up with girls that aren't their significant other. Do you really want to worry if he goes out and gets drunk when you're not around that he might "regret last night"?

It sucks having someone cheat on you. Whenever you feel hurt and alone by what he did, just remember you are beautiful and strong and don't need a man to live your life. Wait for the right guy to come along, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Don't believe the BULLSHIT that it's "ok because frame of mind was altered". I've been drunk several times while dating someone. Never once did I flirt with or allow anyone to get that close to me. Joking, horseplay, hugs, sure those happened because they are always people I know for the most part. When I am drunk and my SO isn't there they get texts like mad. At some point there was a DECISION made on both of their parts. It is always possible to say no from my personal experiences with being drunk. So unless there were farfetched things involved that would further the inability to somehow say no, sad to say he made a choice at one point as did she.

If you do opt to keep going with him you guys need a heart to heart talk about him stopping contact with this girl as well as his alcohol usage. I mean he knows he wants to see you but drives after drinking? How often do you want to worry about that or clean up after it?

I personally would give him the chance to explain, but most likely that'd be quits for me. My 3 rules are never cheat, abuse or lie to me. I told my current guy I wouldn't care if we had 15 years together, do any of those I'll be out. There's too many people out there in this world who would LOVE to treat another person right to waste too much time giving someone chance after chance and cleaning up their messes.

How was your life during the inbetween time you guys had. How did you feel knowing you could do for you and not think how he's going to affect things?

I'm really sorry this happened to you. That's horrible. If you ever need to talk to someone, I am almost always online.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you deserve better. Why settle for someone who has cheated on you, when you can get someone who loves you so much he would never "accidentally" cheat. Also, do you trust him anymore? Relationships take trust and if you don't have any, your going to drive yourself crazy with paranoia. I've been there.

If you do decide to stay with him, you have my support. Although you want to ask yourself, What if he does this again?

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You don't need someone like that in your life. I don't know about you but I have been intoxicated plenty of times and have never once ended up having intercourse with someone other than my SO and the thought simply doesn't cross a person's mind if they are really committed to their partner. I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating of any sort and I think everyone else should too. I've had to make mistakes to get to this point and I don't want anybody else to go through the excuses and lies that come with dating someone who simply doesn't value your relationship. I'm not saying everyone who's ever cheated will cheat again, but if they've cheated on you specifically, it's a complete lack of respect and breach of trust.

Plus it was a girl he's known for years, who probably knew he was in a relationship. If you do end up staying with him please for the love of god ask him to cut contact with her.

But seriously how long was this relationship anyways? If you started dating in November and it's only been a few months since you started talking again... man, he's not worth the effort.

It would be one thing if you guys had been together for a long time and he did something stupid, but you've only been together a few days/weeks and he does this? It sounds like he has some serious growing up to do. It will always be hard to get over someone you have feelings for, no matter how long you were together. I was cheated on by someone and we were only together a month (we broke up after that), but I was so in love with him that I didn't get over him for a year. Then I found out he was dating the girl he cheated on me with. Yeah. That was the thing that finally made me get over him. So give it time...that's the only thing you can do. But it's not weird at all to be feeling badly about it.

oh no! I'm sorry that is such a terrible feeling to experience. :(nI know you must really like this guy, and he might like you...but it's not enough if he cheats on you. No matter what!!!! A guy doesn't cheat unless he doesn't care for you or has doubts about something. That is unacceptable....it may seem harsh but ditch him and don't ever talk to him again. I've went back to cheaters in my days and it was a terrible decision bc they repeatedly cheated on me again and again. All you gotta do is ignore him (which I realize is easier said than done:( ) and stay busy. That helps a lot. YYou'll meet a much better man in the future! nnnLots of luck! :)

I agree with the others. His behavior isn't something you need in your life right now. Cheating after confessing his feelings for you and drinking and driving are red flags. It seems like he has a lot on his plate as it is and may be using alcohol to cope. Which is scary because driving while intoxicated endangers everyone on the road he encounters and if he got into an accident while doing so, alcohol isn't an excuse in that situation so why should it be for cheating? He was aware enough to post photos and realize he messed up. The only time I've known people to not know what they were doing while drunk or remember it afterwards was because they were blackout drunk. In which case, he likely wouldn't remember having sex with her. Plus, such a long time friend would know he was in a relationship. If she wasn't aware that he was dating you, then he never told her. Even if she did know, they both chose to have sex. To me, both situations indicate that he may not care as much as he says he does.

It's your call as to whether this is a relationship worth salvaging, but it sounds like he needs to work out his problems first before he can have a serious relationship. Talk with him and see where he stands. Tell him what you expect if the relationship is to continue, including any and all behaviors that are dealbreakers for you. Have him do the same. That way, if one of you crosses a line, you know why. If you are uncomfortable continuing the relationship, cut ties immediately and ignore him.

This is a bit of a crossroads situation, in that you have either option to go on. I personally have never been drunk (I can't stand the taste of alcohol), so I'm not sure how the mind works while intoxicated. The fact that he did come out with the truth to you so soon after the affair occurred shows in some measure that he genuinely cares. Though I am in agreement with the others here in that drunk or sober, cheating is cheating and there is no excuse. That is not to say that the relationship is irreparable, however. It is completely YOUR choice whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. You need to evaluate the heaviest of subjects. It's not easy to forgive and repair, it may take you months or longer. Fixing a wound so deep will leave scars and will be an uphill battle, but it can be done.

Though, if you decide that you don't need this in your life, that would be completely understandable also. You can repair a broken trust only if BOTH partners are completely willing and honest, and if you don't feel like you can trust him any longer, it would be best to end it. It can be hard to let go of someone you've grown so close to and have such deep feelings for, but believe me, there are better guys out there. I stayed with an abuser who cheated on me for 3 years because I thought no one else would ever take me, but I got out of that and am now in the best relationship of my life, and I really couldn't be happier.

Everything may seem grey for a while, but the storm will pass. Whether you choose to stay or go must be dictated by you and you alone. Is he worth it to you, or will you find a new happiness?

It is really hard, but you need to ban him from your life. Even if it hurts. Because if it happens one time, it will happen a second time, too. So, whatever you do, don't go back to him and block him on your phone. It is easier to forget/get over him that way. You deserve better!