Hey! My boyfriend and I have been together for a little less than a year now. A quick backstory: He's 28 and I'm 20. He's been married previously and divorced since. He and his ex were together for a long time, and he has already told me that he doesn't plan on getting married again etc etc. Since then our relationship has continued to blossom and we have been getting stronger with every passing day... HOWEVER...

I don't want to get hurt. I mean, I know I'm only 20 but I feel as though I'm pretty invested in this relationship and I can see us being together in the long run. I don't want to invest this much time into something that isn't going to go anywhere. We talked about this issue but decided to stay together because we like each other so much... but I'm a little confused. He says he is worried to end things with me because of his feelings, and I feel the same towards him, but I don't want to feel as though I'm wasting my time.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Is he still ready to be invested? You guys don't need to be married to stay together and commit.

yes and no. yes because he's still with me, and he tells me how much he likes me on a daily basis, and wants to stay together because he is having fun. but he also tells me to keep my options open, to talk to other people, not to tie myself down to him, that he won't be my last boyfriend etc. I know we don't have to be married, but that's what I want in the future, and he has made it really clear that I'll never get that from him.

Oh, thank you now I can actually help (or try!).

I was a bit acting like your boyfriend when I used to go out with my girlfriend. Some other stuff happened, but she was younger than me and I didn't want to ruin experience or something like that for her. She ended up literally handing me my ass back, saying I should trust her.

We are no longer together, but commitment wasn't our problem. I'd suggest to talk with him and ask him to state exactly what he meant with "keep my options open, to talk to other people, not to tie myself down to him". If he can't offer you what you need, you should think about yourself first and foremost :)

I .. hope I was somehow helpful.

It depends on what you want! If you're open to just being in a relationship and enjoying it, then great! I think the danger here is that you are looking for different things. He says things like "keep your options open" and you said you could see yourself with him in the long run and eventually want to marry. They don't exactly match up.

When to bail? When you're not enjoying it anymore. However, I think the longer you stick around, the more potential for hurt there is and the more you'll feel like you lost that time. As long as you're dating this guy, you're -not- dating someone else who may have the same long-term relationship goals as you.

I've never been in this situation exactly but I would suggest a few things. If you're really thinking about breaking up, then you have to consider that. If it's a gut feeling, sometimes those end up being "better" than what your heart thinks is right.

You don't have to be dating simply because you're looking for an end goal. You are allowed to date him just to have fun and enjoy his company. It doesn't have to be because you want babies or want to get married. That'll come later, if it does end up coming at all :3

I think talking to him would help. Get his opinion on what he thinks about the relationship currently and if he's still invested in you. I definitely agree with everyone else in that if neither of you are really sure, it'll hurt worse trying to force it to work.

The right time to ends things was honestly when you knew he didn't want to remarry, but you knew that that was what you wanted in your future. Of course, you don't have to be married to be together for the long run but that desire will always be in the back of your mind, and heart.

Prolonging the inevitable is just going to elongate the hurt.

Think about what YOU want, he's 28 --- you're 20. He's had that experience, he's found that it's not for him. YOU, on the other hand, haven't. It's like if you wanted children and he didn't, you can, yes, compromise but it'll affect the relationship. It'll be a strain to know that you want something your partner doesn't and it's always been 'your dream'.

I know you say you don't want to get hurt but knowing that his dreams aren't on the same level on yours (marriage wise), that's already kind of making a problem in the relationship.

You have to ask yourself if you two want the same things. If you want to get married and he doesn't it isn't a logical decision to stay in the relationship hoping for change. If you are okay with just being together, then as long as you're happy you should stay.

What you said here: "tells me to keep my options open, to talk to other people, not to tie myself down to him, that he won't be my last boyfriend" sticks with me A LOT. To me this says he is not entirely invested in a committed relationship, and that HE is also keeping his options open if something he deems better comes along.

I agree with what people are saying here, ending it sooner rather than later when you both want different things will minimize your pain.

If you're still happy together, then be together and do your thing. I would just say to let yourself be open to other situations. If another guy comes along that you feel attracted to then maybe see where it goes. I'm not saying to cheat on your boyfriend, but you're not married or engaged either so it doesn't hurt to get to know another guy that may be looking for a more long term relationship.

When my mother and father started dating, he wasn't looking for a real commitment. There came a time in their relationship where they had been dating for a few years and my mom was ready to take it to the next step but my dad wasn't so she dumped him. She didn't really want to but she had to since she was looking for more and he didn't want to commit. A month went by and my father changed his mind and shortly after they got married. For her it worked out and sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Another woman I know was dating a guy she loved but he was the same way and didn't want to get married. They had been dating for 6-7 years, but he still refused to get married so she finally left him and even though he wanted her back, he still refused to get married so she never got back together with him. However, she continued to date other guys and found someone she was really happy with who was looking to get married to the right person.

key concepts to take away from this: Do what makes you happy and leave yourself open to all possibilities. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder so if things aren't going at the speed you want them to, it could be time to move on and explore other options while you're still young.