Hey subeta, I really need your help...my boyfriend isn't really what you'd call socially capable. A bad side effect of this is he has trouble being open with me and showing appreciation, so it feels like I drag him around all the time since I'm the only one that ever starts get-togethers. He claims he treats all his friends this way and that I shouldn't worry, because that's just how he is. And he assures me that he really does care, but he can't figure out how to express it. I tried to help him but he doesn't think he can do it. However I don't really like the idea of not getting any attention from him. I don't want to lose him, so what do you think I should do?

Do you think he genuinely cares/is trying or does it feel like an excuse to you? Because the difference is very important. Also, do you think it's possible he has Aspergers? Much of what you've said seems to be in line with that, though obviously it would need to be properly diagnosed. He could also just be extremely introverted or less emotionally-inclined than you. If he's trying or showing his affection in ways he is able to manage, it might be a situation where you reevaluate your reaction to it. For instance, he shows affection in a way he is able but that might not necessarily be the way you prefer: instead of being upset, recognize that he is showing affection. You've expressed to him clearly what you want and how you feel? Have you asked him what some of the ways he shows affection are? For example, some people do things for their significant other, like repairs or errands, to show affection.

Well, I'm glad to see you've been open with him about your concerns. But you can't magically change him or make him what you want him to be. You can either decide you're satisfied with him just the way he is, or move on. Don't worry about losing someone. There are more too.

I would say you're in a relationship with an introvert. The way you describe him is similar to way I am in relationships... basically if I allow someone to be around me for a long period of time this is showing my affection. It sounds stupid, I know. My family struggles with this but I'm lucky that I'm married to a very understanding and patient man.

You need to be specific in your needs. And be very gentle with how you tell him, not accusatory but point blank. If you want him to do something in order for you to feel appreciated and it is a reasonable request then it shouldn't be an issue for him to do. If he responds with an "I don't know if I can do that" that's a red flag in my opinion.