Yea, I was dating a guy for three years and last week he called to tell me he wanted to be just friends. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, guess I just wanted to chat with random people about that or other random things. I know the best thing for me would be to just stay out of a relationship for a while since I've been in a long chain of relationship after relationship for a total of 11 years, but it's kind of hard for me to not want someone in my life. -_-

It's REALLY hard to go from always having someone in your life to letting yourself be single for a while. But, trust me when I tell you, it can be one of the healthiest things you could do for yourself.

If you spend much of your life with someone, and find that those relationships keep failing, it can be really beneficial not only for you but for any of your future partners to take some time to get to know yourself a little better. It can be a tricky to understand what it is you want out of a relationship if you're so accustomed to sharing your life with someone. Their wants and needs quickly get clouded and become your wants and needs - whether or not it's genuinely what you want for yourself. I don't know about you, but I found I'd often put my own happiness on the backburner for my SO, and that never did anyone any favours.

Take some time to familiarize yourself with YOU again, and eventually you'll be a little clearer on what it is you want from your partner and what you hope to gain from being in a relationship with them. I realize that sounds a little selfish - but what people often don't understand is it's HEALTHY to be a little selfish once in a while. Occasionally putting yourself first is essential to making sure YOU are happy, because you can't rely on others to do that for you - it's not fair to you, and it's certainly not fair to them. Learn to be happy with yourself, then you can worry about making someone else happy with you.

I spent the better part of a decade jumping from one long-term relationship to another; six of those years being spent with one particular person. When that relationship ended, I knew I needed to be alone for a while. So, I took two years for myself - and I learned a lot. Sure, it was lonely as hell, but at the time I needed that. I needed to know what it meant to be lonely because, as I discovered, I was taking advantage of the fact that I thought I never had to feel that way.

I had been (foolishly) believing that my ex-fiance would never leave me, no matter what kind of hell I put him through. I had believed we were "soulmates", and that he could never possibly leave me for that fact alone. I was wrong. He did leave, and looking back, I don't blame him one bit. When you come out of the woods and see things for what they are, you begin to realise it really doesn't matter how secure you feel in your relationship - worrying (even just a little bit) about the fact that they could pick up and leave at any moment helps ensure you never try and take them for granted. You appreciate them all the more, and you work a little harder to keep your relationship healthy. You never stop fighting to keep them, because that's one of the ways a relationship (and the romance in it) can die.

My particular story does have a happy ending, however. I eventually did come to a point where I felt like I could start sharing my life with another person again, and I ended up meeting someone who had just been through the same thing I had; a long-term ex left him vulnerable, he decided to be alone for a while, and he was just getting ready to start dating again. We hit it off instantly. After 6 months of unofficial (but exclusive) dating (we wanted to be extra-sure this was real, as we were both afraid to get hurt again), we became an official couple. Just after our first (official) anniversary, he proposed. And a year and a half after that we were married (earlier this month =P).

I honestly believe what has made our relationship work so well is the fact that we knew ourselves, what we wanted from life, as well as what we wanted in a partner. We found each other, and then we took our time getting to know one another, too. We were careful; and while that isn't a guaranteed positive result, it certainly has worked well for us. =3

Anyways, I think I've gone on nearly long enough, so I'll just leave it at that for now. =P

Wow, thanks. Yea, I've been fighting to keep us together for most of the relationship and I realized when I moved back home (which is just a state away from him, only about a half an hour), I realized that I really only kept fighting to keep him because I was scared to be alone. Now I'm just going to focus on seeing what I want and I have a great support group of friends around to keep me company. Your story has also helped me know that other people go through this too and it's for the better we broke it off. Thank you for that. :)

They're not worth it hun x

Not every relationship works out like a dream and I suppose he wanted to end the relationship on good terms rather than descending into arguments and poisoning your friendship. Because if it was to end up like that. You'd never be able to be friends again. And trust me. I know that from personal experience

And like said. Being in a relationship or constant relationships isnt exactly healthy. Sometimes you need to find time to familiarize yourself with YOU.

Personally I know from experience that not ever relationship is healthy as they turn out to be. Heck, one relationship landed me with Social Anxiety and depression.

But, don't let that dampen your spirits. Everyone has different experiences when it comes to relationships and sometimes you have to take a little to give a little and sometimes you need to be a little selfish.

Dude I know how you feel. My relationship of three years is dying and I can feel it. I feel like I am battling to hold on yet my bf seems to be half in and half out and unsure. I think often with the devoted ones, we tend to give everything but we forget about ourselves.