So recently, I've been struggling with the idea that I am most likely, in fact, homosexual. Or at the least, bisexual. I feel as if, I've always categorized myself as hetero due to my friend group. But after being in a 3 year relationship with a male, and absolutely hating it, I believe the last thing I'd want is to be in another relationship with another male. But I have never been with a girl, let alone flirted with a a girl, and I feel like an absolute nerd when it comes to interacting with them. I am rather feminine, but am also attracted to lesbians who are femme. It seems to be a trend within lesbian relationships that one woman generally has to wear the 'pants', and I'd love peoples opinions on this. But my main question is, has anybody here been in a lesbian relationship and (Or gay) And considered themselves homosexual, only to /backtrack/ after the relationship and identify as hetero once again?

I don't know the whole "femme" thing because my ex and I were both wearing the pants so .. Neither of us was what we call "femme" in what we were wearing or our general physique.

I am also a bit like you. I always identified myself as hetero (but I knew I was attracted to girl since two years ago) and I just recently accepted it. I also got my first girlfriend and it was a clear confirmation that I am not hetero.

Not all male are the same. If you hated your relationship, it doesn't mean you're lesbian. Peharps you just weren't happy with him?

So yes, I was in a "lesbian" relationship and I was (still am) fine with it. I consider myself demisexual. @ Japhrimel

While I am happily married to a man, I do identify as bisexual - and would even go so far as to say I lean more towards women. But I love who I love, and that just so happens to be a man - so here I am. =)

But I hope I can still offer a bit of insight that may help.

I have been with both men and women in my life; some were good relationships, and some not so much. The thing to note is that the gender of my significant other had very little to do with how good or bad the relationship itself was. You had a bad relationship with a man - that doesn't mean that any possible relationship you may have with a male will also be bad. But I can understand if you're just genuinely not interested in dating another man, be it just for now or for the foreseeable future - it's your life to lead. Just don't close yourself off entirely to the thought, as you may find you regret doing so later. Leave yourself open to love, wherever it may come from - you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Personally, I don't believe your sexuality can flip-flop easily. You may find that in different stages you're more receptive to certain advances depending on what you want at that given time in your life - but I don't think you shut off enjoying the company of an entire gender and then flip a switch and go right back. It may also be the case where you yourself are confused as to what you really want and need some time to discover what exactly that is. You may have outwardly identified as straight before, but if you are gay or bi, I genuinely believe you always have been and simply weren't made aware of it before (or weren't in a place where you were comfortable admitting it to yourself). Hell, you may even discover you were really just curious, and you may find that dating a woman isn't what you thought it would be and come to realise you actually are straight after all. I can't answer that for you, and it may be a long and confusing road before even you yourself know the answer - but I don't think that means your sexuality changed at any point, just that you took some time figuring it out. And that's okay - not everyone is born knowing, and some take longer than others.

In the meantime, if you feel like you must label yourself something, pick whatever it is you feel the most comfortable with right now - and don't be afraid to change what that is as you discover more about yourself.

As for your "femme" question, everyone has their preferences. It's a pretty stereotypical view to think every lesbian couple has the designated "male/female" role. I myself am not particularly girly (though I have my moments), but I am by no means "butch" - but the women I've been with have all been either similar to myself in this regard, or pretty feminine. My sister is pretty damned girly, and her fiancee is like me in that she has her moments (she's a hardcore romantic), but is more or less gender-neutral. Neither of them "wear the pants", and yet both do? It's a dynamic that works really well for them, but certainly doesn't fall into the stereotypical. Hell, in my "hetero" marriage (I put "hetero" in quotes because my husband and I are both bi =P), more often than not I tend to wear the pants.

Long story short? Love who you love, and you'll eventually sort the other shit out later. Don't rush to have all the answers when you only know half the story. You're still discovering a lot about yourself, after all. =)

You explained much better what I tried to say x__x Thank you.

Thank-you so much for both of your in-depth answers. & I think after the relationship I had, the reason I wouldn't want to be with a male is because I am rather repulsed by the underlying reasons they do what they do (But this is all due to personal experience and I will not close my heart because of it). I have always been physically attracted to women more than men, but hid the fact due to my best friends in school labeling themselves as 'homophobic'. Since leaving school I am pretty certain I am bisexual though. I just need to relax and accept who I am. :)

It took me 3 years to accept myself. It's a slow process :)

I'm going to touch on your quote here: I wouldn't want to be with a male is because I am rather repulsed by the underlying reasons they do what they do

While I don't know your full story to saying it, I can assure you male, female, or anything else, ALL people have underlying reasons for acting how they act. Be it from treatment from previous people or for their own desires.

My man recently called me "cold hearted". I asked why and he says it's because I'm stressed all the time so I don't have "sexy" time with him. For me the stress comes from having to pretty much be the only adult in our relationship. I worry about bills paid on time, I worry over the chores to keep our home clean, I worry about our cars, the cat, his family, my family, keeping food in the house and work FT on top of it all and the stress from that. He is fully aware he could help with some stress by actually cleaning without my nagging, or go pay a bill himself, or even gather some groceries. He simply won't do it, and because of his actions I react for myself and he doesn't like it. From my POV I see it as I'm the only one who takes care of things that he deems "boring" (which frankly is most of ones day to day life), and he gets to wake up late and play video games and bugs me for sex (normally it's no issue but fuck all the stress I didn't ask for) and if I ask for his help he acts like he's the one put out by me asking him to stop video games for 20 minutes out of his entire day. Hell he even stays up extremely late to play video games after work and then wants my pity when he's "tired". Pfft I wake up at 4am (yuck) and keep going all day and normally he's STILL not awake when I get home after 8 hours at work :/ I told you all this because yes it HAS resulted in my indifferent attitude, his actions (or lack of) has resulted in me acting not as lovey dovey as he wants. Should he not change it at all, should I find myself leaving it simply wouldn't be fair to assume all men would act like this. (sorry if it seems like venting I promise it was to illustrate the point of how one person can affect how another acts)

As for your OP I really feel it's best to explore things in life while you're in between relationships. Go find things you like, try something new. Go do for YOU and you'll learn more about yourself and things you like in life and along the way may very well meet people who have similar views on things as you. Should you find romance, just be up front with them about where you are in life. There's many types of people out there! One of my friends is married but agreed to an open marriage for his wife and she has had 2 BFs and 1 GF since they got married. Of course no relationship is the same as another so take each one for what it is. Some start delicate, some start off lustful, some start off as enemies of all things. My best advice is if they shun you for how you feel or are at in life then best to leave them there and keep on doin you!

I've never been through that myself, but I've known a lot of people that have gone through that situation before. I have a friend that thought that she might be bisexual, after dating a guy for a while and it not going so well. She ended up dating a girl, and after a few weeks realized that she actually wasn't when the entire thing was just awkward for her. I also people who kind of flipflop back and forth between sexual preferences. Self discovery is a process and it takes a really long time with some people.