So I'm not going to tell the full story about what happened, because it's a year long and ridiculous. Let's just say I was in a rollercoaster relationship with a guy who, in the end, was just using and manipulating me. He currently owes me $4500, and, well, besides that I'm realizing how much damage he and the situation did to me (aside from leaving me financially stuck). I do still have overwhelming waves of missing him, because, well he's kind of the only "call up on a whim" friend whim I had, and I had been living with him, so dealing with living on my parent's couch while I wait for him to pay me/work on finding a steady income to support myself, so needless to say I'm doing a lot of thinking and trying to sort out where I need to go from here. Prior to this I was in a really neglectful relationship that was very unhealthy and ended really really badly. I'm noticing a pattern. I'm also noticing a lot of the same patterns in my family and familial relationships.

I'm not jumping into anything with anybody. It's hard because being hurt and lonely is a real thing (ha), so it's not for not wanting to or not having the option available. But I know I need to sort out what happened in my last relationships. So, for those of you that sort of went through this - first off, I'm really sorry, and second, what are some things you did to heal and move forward? When did you establish with yourself that you were ready to get involved with somebody? How did you prevent yourself from winding up in the same cycle?

I am really bad at setting boundaries. I'm the type of person that goes all-in and cares for entirely and unconditionally the people I love and am in love with. My friends and family know me as very supportive, loving, caring, and careful. I don't want to stop being that person - that is who I am - but I don't know how to be that person and not wind up in the same situation with my heart/head/whatever.

This feels rambley. Any advice/information/resources would be really appreciative. On a side note: yes I am trying to get health insurance to get back into therapy for a variety of reasons - the issues with my relationships, past trauma, issues with mental illness, etc. It's a slow process, though, and I never really know how to deal with therapists. So I'm sort of looking for steps I can take right now.

Additionally - I'm looking for work in the same town that we/he/I live in and, well, I'm hesitating applying in places that I KNOW he goes to because, well, yeah I'm avoiding contact with him, and the idea of doing ANYTHING for him anymore makes me feel like I would reach across the table/counter/whatever and strangle him (woooo!). How do I deal with that, since I really need work (since he currently has ALL of my savings in personal loans from when we were together?).

- The best thing you can do right now is be with your friends and family that treat you well. Stay away from the ones that hurt you and ask for money/favors. Also, do things that make you happy, whatever they may be.

It's hard to trust someone again after being in abusive relationships. (I'm struggling to trust my current bf due to being abused by parents and being in a terrible relationship.) You need to learn to be more assertive and not let people take advantage of you. (I'm also too nice.) The people that really care about you will like you, even if you don't give them thousands of dollars.

I went through a relationship that was emotionally/verbally abusive, in a way. My ex, I firmly believe, was either schizo or bipolar, or possibly both. So it was kind of weird. At times he was completely agressive and awful to me, saying the worst things he could think of at the time... then others he was incredibly sweet and "loved me again". It was all very confusing and my first relationship so I ended up staying with him nearly four years before FINALLY, I realized that I didn't want to be with him for the rest of my life and that things were never getting better between us... and we broke up.

For me what really helped was there was another guy I liked a lot. I didn't plan on actually dating him, but I started hanging out with him right away. That took my mind off my ex. I am also very guarded and do not like showing affection. This new guy was very understanding (unlike my ex) and helped me to open up by being patient with me. This helped me a lot. What I realized with him that was different than my ex was I wasn't constantly feeling like I needed to change, or fix my actions, or whatever. I felt just ok around him and that was when it kind of hit me the kind of person I had been with before. As it turned out we are now a couple and we live together and we've been together almost two years and I am very happy I moved away from shitty people and opened up to new people. But it is very hard. Avoid people that make you feel like you aren't right and need to fix yourself. Nobody deserves your complete trust and love right away. They have to earn it by showing that they are capable of doing the same for you. Good luck! Let me know if you want to talk more