i keep meaning to edit this - i've been in a long distance, monogamous relationship with the love of my life for almost a year now. i may be interested in polyamory again one day but not at the moment. however, i won't ask for this topic to be locked in case it's educational to others and for people to submit their views/experiences with it. i just ask that you no longer tag me. enjoy !!

Open relationships - to me - are not the same as polyamory. Polyamory is having multiple partners you are romantically involved with, they all know what's going on and are cool with it. Open relationships is where you have a partner you're romantically involved with, but with their consent you are both allowed to sleep with other people as long as there are no feelings involved. Idk, that's just how I see it.

I was in a polyamorous relationship once and I don't know yet if it would work for me, I don't think I'll ever find out. I was very into one of the people and had already befriended and gotten close to them, but I wasn't very close to the other person, though they were close to each other. So I loved one but tolerated the other, and last I heard they are still together but I bowed out. It was also long distance, though, while they lived close together and I lived far away, so that probably has something to do with it - not to say long distance relationships can't work. I do long distance friendships very well.

Sorry I don't have a success story, but perhaps you can learn from non-success stories as well? To figure out what to look out for and make sure all parties in the relationship are fully on board with each other.

yeah that was generally my interpretation of it, thanks !!

oh no, i definitely want to hear both sides !!! as i said, i haven't had the chance to try it (nor will i probably ever, but you never know) but it's just something i want to understand more about for my own sake, y know?? and yeah, i don't do long distance /relationships/ very well; friendships are fine, but yeah. thanks for your input though :')

I don't consider myself to by polyamorous, when I was a teen, we didn't really have a word for what it was. When I was a teen (I'm closing in on 30 now), I had a relationship with two different girls (at different times) that both had a boyfriend. Granted I didn't get to see either girl during the relationship (distance). There was no jealousy or anything. I was even friends with the 2nd girl's boyfriend.

Now at 28 and married to a man. I've grown close with a girl over tumblr, and we were able to meet recently (we live states away and were at the same con). Not long after we met in person, she asked me to be her girlfriend. She's married to a man too. My husband is COMPLETELY supportive of it (he's friends with her too).

Her and I hashed out kind of guidelines so no one gets hurt. Things like either husband can pull the plug if he gets uncomfortable.

So far, I've only told 4 others. My bff, two online-only friends, and my ex (the one I did get to meet in person, but before we dated). I'm not 'out' to my family, so I don't know how to even bring that up, and I am sure it will be met with negativity. The friends that I've told are completely supportive, like, "Oh, that's just Angela and Jeremy!" I still haven't told my other irl friend because she's kind of traditional when it comes to relationships, she might be upset with me, even though I have my husband's blessing.

That's pretty much how I see it too. Polyamorous relationships are actual relationships. Open relationships are a relationship with one person and however many casual people on the side.

I was friends with someone once who was in what was supposed to be a polyamorous relationship. It was really awkward because his girlfriend had two other partners other than him, and the three of them were in a relationship together, but he wasn't really part of it, he was only with the on person. It kind of sucked for him, because he wanted to be with other people and not a lot of people that he was interested in were ok with it being that kind of relationship. He asked me if I would date him once, but I'm personally way too jealous to share a boyfriend with someone. It got to the point where the his girlfriend and her girlfriend both married the guy they were dating, and she didn't have time for him anymore, and he's been single since, because the entire situation was pretty bad for him.

Like I said, I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, but I can kind of see the appeal. I love my husband, but I could also see having feelings for someone else. But unless all of the parties involved know what's going on, it seems like it will get really awkward.

You have to be super careful with poly relationships. Some people can do it, some can't. I was in a 3 person relationship back in high school, but I got so jealous when I knew they were together without me, than I couldn't stand it and dumped both of them. And I loved them both! Like with all kinds of relationships, love is not enough.

, I was poly for a while and I LOVED it! I planned on maintaining polyamory, as it made me very happy, but eventually I met my husband, whom I really wanted to become monogamous with. THAT was a tumultuous decision for me, but one I'm very happy to have made.

is right- love isn't enough. It takes SO much communication, openness, and working on oneself in order to maintain polyamory. Jealousy always comes up one way or another, so it's important to learn to work with it (look at why it's coming up within you rather than blaming it on someone else) and discuss it openly with your partner, and perhaps even the other person involved. A really great example that I can give you is when my ex-date (who I called my Main Squeeze/MS) started seeing this new woman. He'd told me about her, and she sounded great. I wasn't a fan of meeting my dates' new heartthrobs, so I hadn't met her, but one night, I was on a second date with a boy I liked. During the date, I sprained my ankle BADLY. I knew my main squeeze would be done with his date with the new woman shortly, so I asked the new boy to stay with me a while, and then called my MS to come pick me up so I could stay with him overnight. When I got in his car, he absolutely reeked of perfume. I asked him not to kiss me. When we got back to his place, he showered- again. His couch, his kitchen, his bed all smelled like her, and I woke up at 2am crying. I felt trapped- I couldn't walk home or anything, so I was just stuck there, smelling this woman. I didn't expect to feel so uncomfortable with it, but it was what it was. The next morning, I told him how much it bothered me that his place smelled like someone else- that I felt like my intimate space with him was compromised by her perfume. It just refocused MY attention to her, so I figured it probably did the same for her. He said he'd ask her not to wear perfume over, and I told him that was inappropriate- it's her choice to wear perfume. It's HIS choice to change ALL the bedding after a date! About a week later, I met her at a social gathering. I knew it was her when she walked in, and I got really nervous, but then I overheard her talking with some friends of mine about something really interesting and I jumped into the conversation. It turns out, we'd both volunteered for the same non-profit, put on the same play as producers AND actors, and we were reading some of the same books! I instantly fell in friend-love with her, and from there on out, every time my MS mentioned going on a date with her, I felt really happy for him. She was great, and I really enjoyed seeing them smile together! I hadn't anticipated the jealousy, but I also hadn't anticipated liking her so much.

A fantastic book on polyamory is The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I'd recommend supplemental reading on healthy relationships, though, since it doesn't address much regarding emotionally abusive situations, which, unfortunately, polyamory is too often riddled with. Like every relationship dynamic, it attracts all types.

Don't be fooled by a person's open heart- they still are a human with flaws and inconsistencies. It's just about finding what flaws work well with your own, ya know?

Good luck exploring your new relationship avenues! <3

I think I could not live in a poly relationship. I have those little crushes on multiple persons, too, and I find myself also attracted to the idea of having various partners, but I think I would hate to share my boyfriend. And my boyfriend would probably get jealous, too. I don't think that polyamory works in the long run, there will always be problems and someone will always get hurt. But if you want to try it, be sure that everyone involved agrees. Maybe it can work for some people, but for me personally, it is hard to imagine.

I'm having a hard enough time finding one person I want to be with and can trust, let alone more than one. I just want to find that special connection with one man, that's it. It seems like no matter what a person wants though, it's hard to find. I wish you the best of luck in finding what works for you.

There's not really an Official Dictionary of Relationship Terminology, but I still want to second this. You don't have to think of it as black or white, like you have to be monogamous or you have to practice polyamory. The relationship I'm in is "open" in the way Sound described, but neither of us is really seeing anyone else. But just having that be an option, having that be okay and knowing it's not bad to flirt or get crushes on other people, relives so much pressure and lets our relationship just be about being together, not about maintaining the legitimacy of the relationship through an arbitrary standard.

And yeah, the flirting and crushes do happen occasionally. But instead of treating that like a slight against each other, it's just something really sweet to talk about, and a chance to be happy that my partner is excited by something new and interesting. It's way better to be happy over something than upset, right?

So yeah. Middle ground. I wouldn't call it monogamy OR polyamory, personally, but the point is you've got options. As long as you talk it out with everyone involved, and you make sure everyone involved is HAPPY with it, you can set whatever standards work for you.

Open relationships are where you engage sexually with other people, polyamory is being romantically involved with multiple people, usually as a group. I have a couple of poly friends with very happy relationships, but it does take a special kind of person to be able to love and care for more than one person. Poly relationships are a lot of work! It sounds like you know what you are, you just need to take that step and put yourself out there :) Best of luck in your future relationships!

Hello friend! I identify as polyamorous and have for a very long time. I am always open to answer any questions about it if they havent already been answered or you want different opinions.

Having a polyamorous relationship is different than having an open relationship because in an open relationship both partners are actively seeing other people on the side and this is usually mostly hook ups. In a polyamorous relationship you and your partners are all on the same page and usually monogamous between all partners in the relationship (This does not mean you can't meet new people and then discus with your partners including them in the relationship) Not all partners in a polyamorous relationship have to be romantically involved but it works best if everyone is at least friends :) Though in my personal opinion it works the absolute best when everyone is romantically involved with each other. Jealousy can become a real thing even in polyamorous relationships and it's a real emotion that needs to be dealt with and worked through like any other. It's best to be open with your feelings and talk to each other. Bottling things up plays a big part in ending all kinds of relationships.

I hope you enjoy exploring the fun world of polyamory and you can always ping me with any questions or send me a sMail anytime.

The only kind of polyamorous relationship that Id like to be a part of would be a polyandrous one. The idea of having my future girlfriend be with as many guys as she pleased but ultimately coming back to me would be very satisfying for a number of reasons. Personally I could enjoy the humiliation aspect of her being with other guys so jealousy isn't much of a problem for me in that regard. I'd also take great pleasure in the fact that she was being satisfied in ways that I might not be able to do for her. I'd want to genuinely care for my girlfriend though and otherwise have a normal relationship. It's not like I'd wanna pimp her out for my own perversions. It'd have to be something she'd want to do as well.

This is all fantasy for me so far though. I've never been in a poly relationship or a relationship at all for that matter. :(

I know this is a bit of an older thread but I figured I'd give my 2 cents since it popped up. I definitely think true polyamory is a lot different than open relationships, and it kind of sucks that they're both grouped together as "alternative" because functionally they are 2 different things. You can even have a polyamorous relationship that is open, with partners having partners outside the group/"polycule"/whatever.

I'm in a triad and honestly, it is the most natural and best relationship to ever happen to me. My long term partner and I both separately started crushing on a mutual friend, and one day I admitted to my partner that I had a crush on her, and my partner was like "me too..." and it was such a relief and a really good feeling. Now we have all been together for over a year, and she balances both of the rest of us out so well. It's also great because it means that if someone is having a hard time and needs to talk to someone else, there's almost always another person free. I'm so glad and so lucky. Obviously it isn't for everyone though, but I feel like if you know it's right for you, it's right for you.

One thing that really bothers me about the "poly community" though is the idea of primary/secondary/tert partners, etc. I'm not going to condemn what works for other people, but it seems like to me the idea of "tiering" partners often ends up with jealousy and hurt feelings. I mean, no one wants to know that they're "lesser" than someone else, right? If someone has multiple partner groups they're "secondary" with, that might be fine, but I know I've read a lot of groups where there's a pre-existing couple and then a "secondary" partner for one of them that always seems to be on a lower rung.

Personally, my partners and I kind of tried that at first just when we were starting to date my second partner, but eventually we realized that we loved her and that wasn't any way to continue; we were all equal. Even moreso than other relationships, communication in a poly relationship is KEY. I don't think jealousy is "destined" to happen or anything like some people will say, but there will be jealous moments and people need to be very open with each other for it to work. That's another reason why the "secondary" thing in the long term is something to be cautious of--it's very possible to open yourself up to abuse that way. So communication and openness becomes even more important for it to work out.

I think going into poly relationships for the idea of someone/yourself being with multiple partners and boning all the peoplez is kind of approaching polyamory itself with the wrong mindset, however. Polyamory is by definition a romantic relationship; kink and sexual compatibility is another component. If your kink is multiple partners but you enter into a poly relationship with people that aren't looking for sex, or kink for whatever reason, that's no bueno. Kink negotiation becomes even more important with multiple partners, especially if you're into BDSM or any other kind of control scenario. Patience is also key, as you may end up with different and conflicting kinks. These are things that need to be examined, trial and error might be necessary, etc. Triggers as well. It's not something to really jump into on a whim or because it seems like a good idea, versus falling for people and truly wanting the relationship. What you're talking about is very different from what the OP was talking about, and honestly sounds more like a kink scenario to be played out than an ongoing relationship from the outset. There would be a huge level of trust and understanding that you'd have to establish in a relationship before going into that... or that's something you could explore in a kink community/with pro dommes, etc. I'm not saying it could never happen, just something like that also takes a lot of work and isn't exactly equivocal with a polyamorous relationship. In general, it would be more like an open relationship, honestly, or your partner having multiple "secondary" partners with you remaining primary. Polyandrous would be more like a poly group with multiple men in the grouping.

Sorry everyone for the novel but poly shit is really important to me!

This is a really old topic, but it's on the front page still, so I thought I would come back and say something. My husband told me that he wanted to be in an open relationship in like April or something like that, and I started dating my boyfriend in May. So far, it has been really kind of a touch and go situation because managing other people's jealousy and dealing with multiple people's feelings is really hard, especially when my husband bounces back and forth between being jealous and not due to his bipolar disorder. I think overall it might not have been worthwhile, because it's really hard, but it is really nice to more or less be surrounded by people who love you.