I really just need to vent. If anyone has any advice so much the better but seriously. I got engaged two months ago, the weddings not till June and my Mother is already finding ways to make planning more difficult for me. I'm paying for it myself she's only involved at all because she wants to be and I've been trying to co-operate since I want her to get along with me and my fiance and accept I have my own life now but she's so negative and un-realistic.

I told her I didn't really want a photographer because they cost so much and I have a couple friends who are hobby photographers who could probably do a decent Job in combination but "No, you need to have a photographer you only have one chance at capturing those memories" ok fine so I hunted till I found a photographer whose done mostly photography of children but want's to get into weddings and is willing to work within my budget. So I email her and reserved the date but then my mom "oh but she's not a real wedding photographer" "did you get examples and references?" "that sounds like too good a deal did you check the contract for hidden fees?" "are you sure everything's included?" "I don't like her website it's to dark" REALLY? Do you really think I haven't learned to read and ask questions in the 24 years I've been alive? The photos are good the photographers friendly and I can afford it that should be enough.

And that's just the most recent dispute. First it was the city since I want to have it in my city at my church instead of at my Dad's church. Then it was the guest list since I don't want to invite second-cousin-Margret and great-uncle-once-removed-Lyall who I haven't seen since I was to young to remember them at all until I was told I "need" to invite them because they're "such a big part of my life." And then the venue. I want it outside in the park with a tent in case of rain she wants it indoors or at a venue that will "at least provide tables and dinnerware" Then it was the colors ("you picked too many, they'll clash") Then the dress (it's very lucky hers didn't fit me at all but I still had to try it twice) Then the menu "it's to casual" and the fact I'm catering it myself (I've been working in a restaurant that caters for a few months and in restaurants in general for 4 years) but "it's too difficult to make food for a crowd just hire someone" I haven't told her that one of my brides maids is making the cake yet or that I'm not hiring a florist but I'm sure that will go over equally well.

I just want a small, casual, affordable, garden wedding and she fights me on it every step of the way but in that passive aggressive "It's your day and you should have what you want BUT..." way and it just leaves me frustrated and angry every time I mention it and I can't keep doing this for the next 7 months. I contemplated just eloping but my fiance wants the share with friends wedding thing. Is it against the rules of etiquette to un-invite your mother?

It's your wedding, don't let it get ruined by your mother. I understand you work within a budget, I'd probably tell her "pay everything if you want to make it your way". I think you should go with what you want. Hell, I'd do the same with the photographer! If your friends are good and they can do the job, why the hell not.

And I'd uninvite my father, so no it's not a rule of etiquette at all.

: Very understandable that you're terribly frustrated! However, I do think it's against the rules of etiquette to un-invite her. And who knows you might regret doing that later on ;)

While my own mother immediately agreed with everything I wanted on my wedding, my mother-in-law reacted kind of like your mother does. At first I argued with her about every little detail, but after a while I just started to not tell her what I wanted until after I had arranged it all. I just hired the people I wanted, booked the venue and paid the advance, picked out my dress, made the guest list etc. and then I just presented it to her as a done deal. While she didn't agree with 95% of it, she did have the courtesy to keep her comments to herself then, since it couldn't be changed anymore anyway. And after the day itself passed, she did have to admit that it was a fantastic day.

Perhaps you could try something like that; just do your own thing, reserve/buy/hire whatever or whoever you would like to be there on your day, and then don't listen to her comments anymore since you've already chosen everything? It's not always easy doing everything behind her back, and she probably won't like it when she finds out afterwards, but it worked for me, and it took away a great deal of stress, knowing that my day would go just as I wanted it. That's the most important thing in the end, that you're happy on your day!

Good luck to you, I really hope you'll have the wedding day you're dreaming of!