....I think I'm bisexual.
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Okay. It's okay. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.
I've always considered myself "straight but not narrow" when it came to LGBT relationships. I never considered that some day I might be interested in women, and that talking to them would start making me nervous and bashful DEAR GOODNESS.. For the past few years, I've noticed myself becoming more and more attracted to women; their smiles, the curve of their lips, the softness of their skin, the way they sound when they laugh, etc. I don't watch porn, but when sex scenes come up in movies I'm watching, I catch myself staring at the lady the entire time and admiring her beauty. Not in a pervish way, just in a way that I think women have beautiful bodies.
And I know that thinking a women's body is beautiful doesn't mean I'm bisexual. And like I am with men, I'm not attracted to every woman I see. Lately I've been looking up pictures of girls on tumblr (again, not the creepy kind) just trying to get an idea of what kind of girls I'm more attracted to, but guys, I feel weird. I have a boyfriend and I do love him. I just have the urge to be a lot closer than usual with women sometimes, and it's newer to me. I'm 22 and I guess I thought that this would have come up before now. I've never talked to anyone about this, because honestly I don't know how. I'm just rambling at this point because I'm nervous, but I want to talk about it with people who won't judge me.
So, this is it.
Friendly Pings because I need friends
Hello my sweet! Thank you for thinking of me as someone you could turn to. I have been friends with many people who have been through what you are going through and you know what? It's perfectly fine. Heck, I've even asked myself the same before. I find some woman to be "hot" but when I think about being sexual with a woman I'm like "Nope." But hey... who doesn't like boobies? lol. Anyways... on a more serious note. However you feel, it's absolutely fine to be unsure. Don't pressure yourself into knowing. It's your right to not know and it's perfectly okay to be curious. I have a friend who actually refuses to label her sexuality. She says "I fall for people, not parts." You are at an age in your life that is all about finding yourself and it's perfectly natural to ask every question imaginable while you do so. Anyone who loves you is still going to love you at the end of the day. =)
Oh geez, I swear you're an angel. I think you said what I've been needing to hear. I'm honestly not sure about the being sexual part myself, but I'm not sure about a lot yet, so I'm just taking it slowly. I thought about talking to my boyfriend about it, but I have no idea how to go upon that, and I'm not sure if that's the best idea right now. My family are all against same-sex relationships, so I don't really want to talk to them about it. But yes, boobies are the best xD And I can't thank you enough for being my first person to talk to, and you being so frikin amazing!
Just be sure it's how you feel before you bring it up with him. If he thinks he might lose you over it, that can way heavy on a heart. When I met my now fiance (we've been together for 8 years) I still had feelings for an ex. I decided after only thinking on it for about a week that I should tell him. On one hand... telling him is part of why I fell in love with him. He responded to it in the most amazing way that I could have ever hoped for, and that was by telling me that he wasn't going anywhere and that if I did decide that my feelings for my ex were strong that we would cross the bridge when we got to it (but that our time together was time for our feelings to grow). However, it also hurt him greatly to hear and I wish I could say that I've never hurt him. If I had taken more time to think about how I really felt, it may have been avoided, but I also wouldn't know (quite as well) what an amazing man I have.
That's a really amazing way for him to handle hearing that. I wish I had that much acceptance all the time. I don't think I'll tell my boyfriend about it unless it really needs to be said. We're both overly sensitive, and I think it would really hurt him if he thought I was interested in anyone else. Plus I don't plan on acting on it while I'm in a relationship, so he doesn't have anything to worry about.
I read your post (and will soon be reading through the conversation) but all this is completely normal and I'm basically the same way. I mean I met my boyfriend in high school so I wasn't sure what my orientation was, I knew I definitely liked boys because I had a crush on just about every non-jock guy in my class, and even a few jocks. I've been with my boyfriend since high school and sometime around college, maybe sophomore junior year, I too started being attracted more and more to women. I am still with my boyfriend and never had a chance to experiment or do all that college stuff people "are supposed to do", but I do see myself as bisexual. If I was ever single and had an opportunity, I would have a relationship with a woman. I'm not sure if I would ever be able to end up with a woman, because I really like penises, but that doesn't make me any less attracted to females. Plus the female body is usually so much more attractive than the male body (in all shapes and sizes). No offense to dudes, but it's true. I actually came out to my boyfriend a few years back, not that it really changes anything because I am still madly in love with him, and I know it seems kinda bad to discover this about yourself (while you are with someone) but I also don't think that says anything about your relationship, and it really isn't bad because it's a good thing you're discovering yourself. You're at a point in your life where you're finding yourself and if you find that you're attracted to women as well as men, that's perfectly normal. Who knows, it could just be that you find women attractive but you might never date one and maybe you are or aren't a bisexual, but the people who love you will still love you. I personally never came out to my family because I find it silly to do so while I am still happily in love and together with my boyfriend, but should that situation change and I end up dating or being in a relationship with a female, I will tell them that I am bisexual. I mean having never been with a woman I can't say wether or not I would enjoy having sex with a woman, I wouldn't necessarily be against it, it's something I would try and either I like it or not, I'll never know until I try. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna break up with my boyfriend to try it. If I'm ever single again, then sure, but otherwise, it'll probably never happen.
So it really isn't something you need to be scared of because maybe it's a phase, maybe it's not, but either way it's part of finding yourself. I'm here if you ever wanna talk, I appreciate you considering me close enough to share this with, also hi, long time no chat. LOL.
Edit: Because I read the convo, I have to say that you should be open and honest with your boyfriend with all conversations. That being said, not saying you should tell him you think you're bi if it's gonna hurt him, but I think if you two have a strong communication level that you're open to discuss anything, that is when you should tell him. My boyfriend and I went through some rocks and rough patches but I always go to him when I need someone to talk to. And even when I did have feelings for another guy (during sophomore year of college), I ended up telling him and we at that point discussed breaking up (but didn't) and then I told the other guy I wasn't going to break up with my boyfriend for him (despite sleeping together, not sex, just he slept over one night). But I then told my boyfriend everything and it made him very sad, but I don't think we would be the people we are today if we didn't go through all of that in the past. So now I am open with him and tell him everything and that's also why I told him I was bisexual, because I told him that I find that I'm attracted to women, not to the point where I would wanna cheat on him or leave him for a woman, but just to the point that, I've grown as a person and I may have always been attracted to women (as well as men) but didn't really think too much about it at the time. And I was about 19/20 when I realized this, so maybe it was more like junior year of college. But now our relationship is great and I'm glad that we can be honest with each other, so when you get to that level of your relationship then that would be the time to tell him. It's no use in telling him now if it's just going to upset him. Especially because it's not going to change your feelings for him and it's not like you're going to leave him for someone else, just because you feel attracted to someone doesn't mean you're going to act upon it.
Heyyyy there xD Sorry we haven't spoken in a while, I've been mostly distant with everyone due to my habit of drowning in college sorcery. Btw, I love the bright fall look on your HA. But seriously, your message made me feel so, so much more comfortable with myself. So thank you so much for that. I know it's fairly normal to feel this way, I just don't always know how to deal with my feelings. I'm definitely not going to break up with Josh so I can experiment because I really do love him. If we do break up, at some point I may try having a relationship with a girl. And maybe not, because I, too, really like the penis. And riiiight, females are just so beautiful all the way around.
I feel like we're to the point where I could tell him, because we do tell each other everything. I think a big part of it is that I'm not sure how. But I think I do want him to know, because it's a part of me. I just need to find a way to make sure he knows that have no intention to act on it.
Yeah, definitely not something to freak out about, I mean really college is the time to figure yourself out. And also, not sure if you go to college away from your boyfriend but it makes a difference, but also gives you the freedom to find out who you are without him being in your way. I mean, I missed my boyfriend throughout most of college, he went to a college near our home, and I went to college a state away, but I went home very often and we saw each other, but I also had my independence from him too which helped me figure out all these things about myself that I never would have otherwise.
Edit: If you're at that point then it's all a matter of leading up to it with the right conversation. I think I just ended up telling it to my boyfriend out of the blue when I was saying goodbye to go home (because at that point in time our most intense conversations happened when I was at his doorstep talking with him before going home, or while I was dropping him off at home and we sat in my car having an intimate conversation).
Also, thank you about the HA comment, I love the earthy-ness of yours. I designed mine based around the background. :P
We go to the same college. We've only been together for about a year. We spend almost all of our free time together, so it really does make a difference. And honestly, I'm not sure if our relationship will last. I love him, but that's a whole other issue. So for now, I'm just taking things slowly.
Also, I feel like unless you're certain, it's not necessary to tell him. I mean, you might find women attractive, but not be attracted to them so there is no point in stirring anything up if it's just a phase. I told my boyfriend because I'm pretty certain and I wanted to be completely honest with him, and so now I'm a bit more comfortable discussing other women with him, because in the past I would get jealous that he thinks they're more attractive than I am or something (because my self esteem back then was also rather low), but now I mean I don't want him staring at another woman gawking, but if I'm doing the same thing then who can blame him? I'm much more confident in myself, my body and my relationship as of the past 4-5ish years. And it makes me a happier person.
I agree with (and I usually do, hehe, snuggles) echem... but yeah. I would say be sure you are at a place where you fully understand how you feel before you have the talk with your bf because if he has questions... then you can have answers.
Hello hon! Don't feel weird, this is totally normal c: I agree with , anyone who loves you is still going to love you at the end of the day; your parents will understand, I know c:
- I agree with everyone else. At the end of the day, the people who truly love you will stick by you no matter what you say to them.
It's best to tell your boyfriend about your attraction to women. If he loves you, he may be upset but will support you. I've told my current bf about me cheating on my ex twice. (I was in a miserable relationship and close to being suicidal, but it's a mistake I never want to do again.) But, he understood and doesn't think of me as a horrible person. I told him this, because I know I won't cheat on him and I want to be completely honest with him.
The only thing that sucks is you're in a relationship, so you can't explore your feelings. But, if you love your bf and he accepts your revelation, it won't matter. If he can't accept it, then you may have to reevaluate the relationship.
I went through a phase in high school when I wondered if I was attracted to women. I learned I wasn't. I even kissed a woman last year as a dare, and I felt disgusted afterward. But, I kissed a man the same night, and I liked it. So, that reaffirmed the fact that I'm only attracted to men.
Don't let anyone bring you down and love yourself for who you are. :)
