My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a little over 2 years now. We found out why it's taking so long (my husband's immune system is attacking his own sperm), and we're getting treatment. First 3 attempts at IUI (intra-uterine insemination), and if those fail, we're moving on to IVF (in-vitro fertilisation). We just started the first IUI attempt now, most likely the procedure itself will take place somewhere in the next week or so. The thing is, in the meantime I have to go to the hospital (which is about an hour's drive from where we live) frequently to have blood tests and ultrasounds so the doctors can keep track of my hormonal development and such. But I'm only getting the appointments on a very short notice. This Tuesday, I'm going in for my first ultrasound, and later that day they'll call me up to tell me when I need to come back. Most likely the next day, maximum the day after that. And it'll go on like that until my ovulation approaches. Which might take only a few days, or more than a week; there's no way to tell in advance.

And after that, I have no idea what's going to happen. I might get pregnant soon, which would be amazing, or we might actually need to use up all of the attempts the doctors are allowing us to get. In that case, we'll be going back and forth to the hospital weekly/daily for the next 10-12 months.

The thing is, only very few people know about this. My two best friends, my parents and my brother (because we were both IVF babies too, my parents also had problems conceiving) and our close colleagues. Fortunately, we both work in very small companies, so everyone understands our situation and they don't mind switching shifts or taking extra shifts so we can go to the hospital whenever we need to.

But then there are the in-laws. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband's family. They're all great people and they don't mean any harm, but given our current situation, I really dislike two major things about them:

1. It's a HUGE family. Having 3,4,5,6 children isn't uncommon for them. They all seem to be incredibly fertile, making our difficulties of getting just one child even more painful. Especially since they aren't embarrassed to ask the childless members of the family on every possible occassion when they are finally going to add to the family. We keep making jokes about it or just finding excuses. Especially since we just got married, we have the wonderful excuse that we spent all our savings on the wedding and we want more financial stability before having a baby. But it's not true. We really didn't spend all that much (though it was a fabulous wedding!) and we certainly do have a lot of savings left. But we like going on holidays and citytrips and to amusement parks etc. etc. and we can't really hide that, so it's just a matter of time before someone realises we're blowing them off on the whole baby issue, and they're going to get even more nosy.
2. My mother-in-law is the Queen at this, but the rest of the family certainly do have the same habit: They arrange these get-togethers that you just can't escape from. They basically invite themselves into your own home, or make you come over to do something with them when you actually don't want to go. They just somehow always get their own way, either by already buying tickets to something or cooking dinner for you and then guilting you into coming over, or by calling and texting you just as long until you finally do give in. They do it in a nice and subtle way, but I regularly find myself attending family stuff that I really didn't want to go to. And since we are the hot topic of the family lately, seeing as we just got married, everyone is bothering us to meet up with them one way or another. We won't be able to escape all of them but I just don't see how I could possibly plan anything with anyone at this time. What if nature decides to mess things up, and I'll need to go to the hospital right at the time we're supposed to meet with someone in the family? I can cancel one date saying I got the flu or something like that, but I can't come up with excuses for 20 cancelled dates. I can't plan anything more than a week into the future, because I have no idea what the hormone treatment is going to do to my cycle, and all my hospital appointments will depend on my cycle.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Or do you have any advice on how to deal with all this? Really, any thoughts are welcome. And no, just being honest with them is not an option. It's a stressful time as it is, I don't need dozens of baby-crazy in-laws looking over our shoulders all the time, asking me every single day if I'm pregnant yet. That's just not going to help.

My M-i-l is that way too... We aren't trying for any kids right now as we're newly married and still trying to gather a bit of savings.... Honestly, though, I would just tell them. If the hot topic is you two and if they respect you enough to not go telling the world about what you're working towards I bet they'd take a step back and might possibly help out? I"m not sure how they are just a thought

You and your husband need to start growing polite spines. See Etiquette Hell for ideas and examples on how to avoid manipulative family taking advantage of you.

They would tell the whole world, I'm absolutely sure of that. When we got engaged, I would have loved to tell everyone myself, but I never got a chance to. Everyone already knew the very next day. When we decided on a time and place of our wedding, we told my husband's parents in the morning what we had decided on, and that we would tell everyone later that day on a birthday party from a nephew. By the time we got there (and we drove together with my in-laws, they didn't get there any sooner than we did), everyone already knew every detail so she must have called them all up. And many more things like that have happened.

My husband keeps telling me it's not that she doesn't respect us, it's just that she's so proud of us she wants to share our good news with everyone, and I do believe that. She isn't a bad person, and she does love us a lot. But she just can't keep any secrets, and it's come to a point where I have come up with a plan that would make her the absolute last person in the world to find out, once I do get pregnant. Just bcause I want to be the person to tell my good news to the world, for once.

Interesting, I'll definitely get some ideas from there. Thank you!

Good luck!

My experience is that in laws will try to meddle, and the only way to deal with that is just to have a united front on it.

I am experiencing the when are you going to have children stuff. I find it hard to deal with as I honestly am not sure I want children. It's a weird question for people to ask. Me and my husband quite enjoy having a disposable income, spending money on what we like, holidays, fast cars, computer games... a child doesn't fit with how we currently want our life to be. Maybe one day, but in the mean time I think all the people who keep suggesting we have children should go do that themselves if they really love children that much!

Anyway, I wish you every bit of luck with your attempts to have a baby. It's hard work, but hopefully will be worth it in the end. :)