This should probably be titled "Me pouring out my naive problems". Pretty much, I am nearly 18, and nearly every guy I have ever had an interest in has harshly rejected me (2 of them were nice about rejecting me). While all my friends have had most of their crushes ask them out or what not, I've never even had a guy I wasn't interested in ask me out. As a result, my self-esteem is in the toilet.

I've essentially put myself in a position where I'm not going to get a boyfriend like I wish I could, because I avoid interacting with guys I am attracted to. I literally have no hope they they would ever find me attractive, so I avoid the interaction, as to not get attached and heartbroken. I know that being like that is the exact opposite of what I need to do if I want a boyfriend, but I just can't bring myself to believe that someone could be attracted to me and as a result I don't see any point in trying.

Right now, there is a guy that I feel might be attracted to me at my school. I always make eye contact with him, we worked in a group together and every time he said something funny (he is a really funny guy) I noticed he would look at me to see if I was laughing. But that voice in my head is telling me that that is impossible, and I am scared to even try talking to him, because I am afraid of getting attached again, only to be rejected, once again. I wouldn't even know how to begin talking to him if I really wanted to. I am also afraid that if he is attracted, I'll do something to make him change his mind. I don't know what to do :(

And as far as sexuality goes, I am confused. I am attracted to women, but VERY attracted to men. I also can't see myself ever having a relationship, romantic or sexual, with a woman, but I can with a man. Yet, at the same time, the idea of actually having sex with a man scares me. It's probably going to hurt, and what if it never feels as good as I imagine it to be? What if it doesn't do anything to make me less sexually frustrated? Is it normal to worry about all of that?

I am emotional as hell right now, and I need guidance xD Does this guy seem interested? Do I attempt to talk to him, and how do I do it - being myself has never worked, I just scare them away - and are my worries normal? Blegh. crawls into hole to be a ball of emotions and worries

you really did describe me lol I am 26 already and I never had a boyfriend I had boy friends lol though and been rejected every time. I really can't give you any advice except to just go for it. You might get rejected again but who knows this guy could be into you and if later he doesn't like you for you then it wasn't meant to be. I rather be myself then change myself to impress the person. Sorry I couldn't be much help though :D i'm lacking in this area of life haha.

- I had my first boyfriend a year ago (I'm 23 now), so it took a long time for someone to actually accept me. Yes, it's very risky to get attached to someone who may reject you. But, if you think this guy likes you, go for it! It's worth the risk... you'll never know if it'll work out unless you try.

Be yourself! If you scare the guy away, then he's not worth the trouble. A guy that truly likes you will accept you for who you are, no matter how quirky you are. But, be weary of guys that are only interested in sleeping with you. They can be very tricky to spot.

As far as sex goes, it hurts a lot at first. Then, it starts to feel good. What really matters is the guy you're with. When it's with someone you truly care for, it's so much better than with someone you're just hooking up with.

I can't shed any new light on the emotional part, but sex doesn't have to hurt the first time. If you have enough foreplay, and probably some lube, and are able to communicate with your partner when something isn't comfortable, you should be fine. If you're still nervous, try being the one on top for your first time.

My best advice is to just try to talk to the guys you are interested in, show an interest in them and their hobbies etc, and see if they start showing an interest in you and your life. The key part here is if they don't reciprocate move on to the next guy. Try not to stress over that stuff and if it progresses then that's cool too.

Just keep networking and being interested in what various guys are doing with their lives - they seem to love it when you show an interest. Just a simple how are you/what did you do in the weekend/hows life type of thing makes all the difference.

PS: If your body is totally ready sex shouldn't hurt - people are designed for it ;)

Don't let yourself fall into a mindset that you need someone else to complete you. The first step to connecting with someone else is being comfortable with yourself! I know this sounds totally hokey, but anything you feel poorly about yourself now isn't magically going to be fixed by having someone else. You can't let yourself think that you need someone's romantic validation to have any self-worth. Telling yourself that it's destined to fail is only creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where you'll subconsciously sabotage anything already going well because you've already decided its fate in the end. You are made of the same atoms as the stars in the sky, and you breathe the same air that fuels a lion's roar. You are no less powerful than they are!

As for sexuality, it is totally possible to be bi-romantic and heterosexual. Just from what you're expressing, you may also be between heterosexual and asexual! This is also totally healthy! It's called demisexual, or gray-A. See if you can look up some information on it and decide for yourself. :) Also, sex shouldn't ever hurt. If it hurts, it means you're not properly aroused.

All of that worry is totally normal and you're totally normal. It's tough getting used to, feelings and rejections and all of that. I didn't have a relationship until I graduated highschool and didn't have sex until even after that. It's totally normal to not have that in your life yet, it's not something you can force. I was super afraid of sex too and that totally sucked. I hate to think that other people are also afraid like I was when they shouldn't have to be. I agree with all the sexuality advice said, definitely look into that. For me, after I had sex the first time it was totally less scary. But everyone else is right in that it shouldn't hurt the first time. Nope! It might take you a while because of nerves, but being aroused is important. I hope I'm not being too graphic for these forums, but having fun with yourself helps a lot, using fingers and such, and if you're still nervous when the time comes have your partner use fingers first too! It makes a huge difference and that alone can help you get over a lot of jitters. Still feels good with less scariness.

As for the rejection stuff, it happens. A lot! To most people! But don't avoid the interaction just to get out of being hurt. It's so so worth sticking your feelers out there to find the right person, even when you get misses and rejections. And that interaction is what helps you wish crushes and what makes people get crushes on you. No interaction at all means nothing will happen! It helps you figure out what you want in a person to go through people who don't work out. I think at the very least that guy wants to be friendly with you, and it seems like you two get along well. You could get a friend out of it and know more about what you want in a relationship, romantic or not, even if it doesn't work out. Just keep moving forward. The world lies to you when it tells you you should have all this figured out. You're not lame for not being there yet. It takes different amounts of time for everyone. You are amazing and attractive and deserve great people in your life!

There's your problem. You're basing your self-esteem on someone else's opinion of you. Time for you to take some time off and strengthen your personal love, confidence, and happiness.

You admitted it yourself that you put yourself in that position. It's up to you to get yourself out.

Yes this is completely normal. You probably just recognize the beauty and highly sexualized-ness of women today. (You can thank media for that. heh heh) It's no surprise but like you said, you could not imagine a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman, so I'm guessing this bridge is one you should not worry about crossing.

Your worries are normal. You already know the answer, as with most people who ask for advice. Go for it and stop second-guessing so much crap. Good luck, Cheese.