Well... Hello! I recently started dating a guy, and he's amazing. He's sweet, kind, and everything. However, I do know he has an axiety dissorder and depression. Having anxiety dissorder myself, I know a bit how he feels, but I really don't know much about having depression. And a close friend of him just passed away yesterday, and of course, he's feeling really bad about it. He attempted suicide twice years ago, and I'm kind of scared. I can't go visit him right now even if I'm dying to, but we'll see this friday. I just have no idea of what to say when I get to see him, not what to do or how I should act. This is my first relationship, and this is the first time someone close to me has someone who has passed away. I'm absolutely lost and don't want to make things worse. {Just if someone needs this info, I'm 16, he's 17 but just 3 months older)

Sorry for the bad english, and thanks so much in advance to anyone who is willing to help!

Be honest - you're worried about him, so say so. Mostly you need to listen to him, don't try to 'fix' him or give advice, just give him a chance to talk.

He may or may not want to talk about the person he lost, people deal with grief in many ways. When my sister-in-law died, my father-in-law had to go identify the body and talked about that experience constantly. I wanted to scream at him after the 10th time - it would have been so much easier if he had wanted to talk about her in general. But its what he needed to process. On the other hand, my partner didn't want to talk about his sister at all, he just talked about his annoyance with how his dad was coping. My other sister-in-law just wanted to talk about her sister in general, and also about the whole family while they were growing up. That was easiest for me to deal with, it seemed the most normal to me, but there really isn't a "normal" when its about grief.

Examples of things you can say. "i'm worried about you." “I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, but you have all my sympathy.” “I can’t honestly say that I know how you feel, but I want to help in any way I can.” "How are you coping with your loss?" "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?"

Its a tough situation and you may make mistakes - that happens. Try not to get too anxious about it - if you're worried about your own behaviour, or stressing too much about messing up, you won't be able to help him as much.

Don't lie, if he says something that you don't understand, say something like "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're trying to say." If he says something that scares you, or you don't think you can cope with, again say so. Does he have someone he sees about his depression & anxiety? If so, ask him if he's contacted this person to let them know what's happening with him. If he doesn't have someone, ask if he's considered it - a school counsellor or something.

I hope things go well for both you. Its a lot stress.

Thank you so much for your answer! I've tried to do it in the chat, but I don't think is a god way to talk about such things. He said to me he'd be embarrased if I were to see him now.

I don't think he's taking this in a good way, because he send me lots of photos of his friend, not talking about him, just photos and photos.

When I offered him to try to visit him today, he refused, because he knows I have a cold right now and a fever (we are in mid of winter here, is a super common thing now and it's not even a high fever). He told me he was scared of something happening to me (I have quite a delcate health and my live has been in danger once). After that, he kept writing he didn't wanted to lose anybody else. I'm worried, yes, I am. I don't want him to... I don't know, dig a hole and not being able to come out. He's scared, and I get it, but I can't stand hearing him like that, because it hurts me as well.

I was thinking on cooking him something (maybe pancakes, dunno) to make him feel better, but I don't know if that'd be a good idea...

Anyways, I'm sorry for your loss as well, and thank you so much again! I'll try to do it this weekend.

Cooking something he enjoys is good, but don't expect it to make him feel better. Eating and sleeping are probably erratic for him right now, so something tasty will hopefully tempt him to actually eat - but he might not eat much. He may also be feeling that he shouldn't enjoy food, that any good feelings he has right now are a betrayal to the person who died.

His fear of losing you, either to death from illness or driving you away with his emotions, is very serious to him. You can explain that you aren't seriously ill, but do try not to dismiss or minimize his fears. Don't say its ridiculous that he fears you may die, just reassure him that your cold is normal and that you are taking care of yourself. Reassure him that you care about him and that you understand he's going through something really hard. Seeing him like he is now won't drive you away from him.

The photo thing is good, I think. He's probably having trouble verbalizing his feelings, or he may be feeling so many different things that he doesn't know where to start. Sending the photos says to you that he's thinking about the person, that he's experiencing things, and he is communicating with you. It may be hard for him as well, he may write stuff down to send with the pictures, but then delete the words before he can send them. Communicating long distance can be awkward. You can try asking about the pictures - where they were taken, when, or what memories they bring back.

I think you're right that its important to talk to him face to face. There's only so much you can communicate long distance before it starts sounding fake or insincere.

Its going to be a tough week for you, don't forget to take care of yourself as well as him. Its okay to feel you need a break from the worry.