Even if you don't think I deserve it, just lie to me. I really, really need to hear some lies right now.

Here's the scoop: my mom is an emotionally neglectful, manipulative cocksucker. She's been insecure, chronically and clinically so, for the vast majority of her life. In trying to build her up (since she WILL NOT go see a doctor), I believe her friends, family and I accidentally made her so paranoid and doubtful of her own self-hating thoughts that she's started denying herself the ability to feel guilt, whether she's done something wrong or not.

The result is that when she makes a mistake, she loudly and abusively blames whoever noticed. That person is usually me.

A good example is today! She woke me up early morning and told me I was driving her on a multi-hour road trip to see my brother because she didn't feel like driving (her words).

...Okay, wow that's rude, but ofc I can't tell her because telling her off is good for about three minutes of telling me I'm an ungrateful brat and a 30-minute visit to her office computer where she goes over the "contract" she made me sign telling me which behaviors I can and can't do now that I've "decided" to move back home with her, which is apparently a privilege (I left an art academy because she lied to me and said my family could no longer support my interests, so that was not my decision, and , there's nowhere for me to go BUT her house, so where exactly was she expecting me to go? a shelter?).

Anyway, we get going, and instead of directing me, she decides to point to tell me which freeway entrance I should take. I follow where I think the finger's pointing and ofc it's the wrong one. She starts screaming that we're going the wrong direction and I need to turn around now like I just killed a puppy. That's her innate talent - saying perfectly normal, harmless things, but using her tone and body language in such a way that it becomes threatening, disappointed, and condescending all at once.

We get back on the right freeway in about 30 seconds flat, get to my brother's house, and she doesn't like how I parked, so I reverse and park over and over again until she tells me it's good enough and I need practice (my parking is fine... 18 inches from the curb, straight, not too close to the car in front, not blocking a driveway...).

Luckily, the visit was normal, although she complained VEHEMENTLY that my brother didn't stay to talk longer despite him being so gosh darn sick. Apparently saying he wasn't feeling good mid-convo and going to resume the nap we'd unceremoniously interrupted was totes rude.

On our way back, we stopped at a stop light and I scratched my ear while we waited. This is important.

Light turns green, we go. I wanted to make a left at the next light, but my turn lane ends up kind of in the middle, so I accept that and put my blinker on to move over so I can make my turn. She tells me, as I'm moving left, "You need to turn left," in her special talent voice. I say, "Mom, I'm trying. I can't just blaze across four lanes of traffic."

You'd think I'd called her a four-letter word with how she reacted. She screamed, "Well, I don't know! You're sitting there picking your nose and (in a fake deep, ableist, r-word voice) thinking about it, oh maybe I'll turn left (end voice), I don't know if you're going or not!"

I could go all day with how inaccurate, let alone how WRONG, what she said (and how she said it omg) was, but I think this post is long enough already.

So, this is where your lies come in. Tell me, is she using me as her personal stress ball? Is this abusive? Do I need to get away from her?

Nobody needs to lie to tell you she's being abusive as fuck. She's being a straight up piece of shit to you and everyone around her (from the sounds of it). You absolutely need to find somewhere else to stay. With your brother, or friends, or somewhere, because being with her is not at all good for your mental health.

Also, I'm pretty sure she can't legally enforce some bullshit contract she came up with to basically turn you in to her personal slave.

- Sounds like my mom... It's like she hates me for no reason.

If you can, get away from her ASAP. You don't need to be around a person like that.

Thanks, you guys. I've felt strongly that she was abusive ever since I learned emotional abuse was a thing (my dad was too but he got yelled at by HIS mom and has since stopped completely), but I've been afraid to say it because I've been told by multiple sources, most of them therapists, that they don't find their behaviors abusive. :l Specialist my ass.

The only person who could take me is my aunt, and if I babysat my cousin and/or cooked/cleaned that could be how I earned my keep... We're not very close, though, and it would be really sudden from her POV... I'll have to look into a way to gently break it to her without scaring her (she's that kind of person).

- You have my complete and utter sympathy. Your mom, sounds very much like my mom. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her yet my lazy POS brother and sister were perfect little angels in her eyes. In fact when I was 12, she told me she wished that I was never born, that she'd had the abortion she'd thought about having because it was all I deserved. All that just because I asked her when dinner was going to be ready. I left the house at an early age and since then, my relationship with her has improved somewhat. We can at least speak civilly to one another though its taken years of therapy to get us to this point.

I would haul ass out of that house, the sooner the better. You don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone.

You shouldn't have to subject yourself to this terrible behavior. She may have given birth to your, but none of her actions or words are anything like a mother should act toward their own flesh and blood. The fact that she thinks she can push some sort of typed up "contract" on you dictating your own thoughts and actions is ridiculous. I understand keeping basic house rules and courtesies as long as you're under someone's roof, but flying off the handle because of what a person says or how they act within reasonable context is just absurd.

Try to move in with someone who understands your situation. If that is not an option, I say this: If you don't have one already, I would recommend getting a job, any job. If you already have a job, or once you get it, save up until you can rent out a studio apartment. Then just keep saving and go back to school to do what you love. Be independent and live for yourself so you never have to rely on someone who thinks it is acceptable to abuse you and use any sort of leverage to guilt you into feeling like you have to tolerate them. You don't.

Some people can change, but only if they choose to. Your mother, from the sounds of it, shows no indication of doing so. You are the one is going to have to make a change, because in the end, you need to live for yourself for your own happiness and well-being. She'll probably try to pull some sort of "How could you do this? After all I've done for you, blah, blah," bullshit, but you are ultimately the one who lives with your choices, not her.

Leave, as soon as you can.

- Those "specialists" don't know what they're talking about. I hate it when someone defends the whole "it's your mom, so you must respect and love her no matter what" mentality and ignores the abuse happening.

It seems like your aunt wouldn't be the best option. You need someone who can handle and understand what is going on between you and your mom. However, if you can talk to your aunt and she is willing to take you in, go for it.

Yes. Get out. Go to a shelter if you need too, but seriously, get out. This isn't something you can "fix"

Honestly, when a younger person goes to a therapist, their ability to keep going is contingent upon the parent's approval... Which means most therapists will absolutely kiss your parents ass. If it comes down to that, they will almost always take the parents side in the interest of lining their pocket book, rather than the child's side in the interest of helping their patient. It seems to me like they find themselves in a situation where they think there's only one way they can handle it, and in some cases that one way doesn't work at all.

I'm going to echo what pretty much everyone else is saying: If you can find a way out, take it. Then focus on getting some income of your own, so you don't find yourself in this situation of depending on an abuser again. Personally, I'm still living with my mother, but I'm working and saving money towards things like a car and education so I can eventually be free of her.

I definitely think you need to get out of there. You don't need that kind of treatment. The whole contract thing is bad enough. It's bullshit. I am sorry that you are having to deal with that. I wish you all the luck in the world.