So I told my friend, who is older than me by maybe...10 years or so, that I'm sick of being single and I'm looking for a guy to hang out with, date, and maybe have it turn into something permanent. She told me about this guy she knows of that manages a local country club and she thinks he's around my age and she says he's good looking (I checked him out on FB - he looks pretty nice). She also said he has a slight limp from being born with cerebral palsy. That brings up one of my questions. I know nothing about cerebral palsy. Can someone who has it or knows someone with it tell me about it? I looked it up online, but it didn't really give me a good idea of how a person lives with it and what it means for daily life. It's not going to stop me from going out with the guy, but I'd like to know what to expect with it. So anyways, I told her she could give him my number and we'll go from there I guess.

The thing is, I'm really nervous about dating. This is really, really embarrassing, but I'm 30 and I've never been on a real date or been kissed by a guy, other than on the cheek. I was always overweight as a child and young adult, and had no confidence whatsoever (I still don't) so I never got asked out. I've only been on a couple of 'dates' I guess, with guys who were friends, hanging out at our houses, going out to lunch, and group things. I've never done the thing where a guy calls, asks me out, and we go to dinner and a movie or whatever. That kind of thing scares me. I have sociophobia and misophonia, as well as generalized anxiety disorder and depression, and all of those together have really stunted me socially. I'm afraid to put myself out there and be rejected, because I know that will send me into a downward spiral with the depression.

I'm also afraid that when I'm out on the date, and the guy is jiggling his leg or tapping his fingers on the table, that I'll lose it and ask him to stop and he'll think I'm crazy and it'll end right there (see misophonia on google or wherever). I'm also still overweight (not hugely, but I'm 230lbs. and 5'2.5" and people have told me I'm at least well-proportioned) and I still have a slight acne problem. I'm also having problems whitening my teeth, but that's getting better with a new toothpaste I've found. I also have problems fixing my hair because I overheat really easily so I pretty much always wear it up in a ponytail or bun except on the coldest days in the winter. I can't wear makeup either because my skin is crazy sensitive - I get red and hot and break out like crazy within minutes of putting it on. So any kind of foundation is a no and I can't even think about eye makeup. One time my left eye almost closed shut because I tried to wear eyeliner. Will a guy really turn me down for a second date or not like me because I don't wear my hair down and pretty or don't wear makeup? I'm told I'm pretty and fun to be around, but that's by family and friends so I don't know if I trust them to be honest about such things. They already love me, so they wouldn't say I'm not pretty and no fun to be around.

My eating habits are also a cause for concern. I don't eat meat, except for chicken, turkey, or fish once in a while, and I'm allergic to a lot of vegetables and fruit. So when I'm out at a restaurant, I'm really...picky when I order. I ask for a lot of things to be left off and ask to add other things. For example, I like to order a burger at Chili's, but I order it with a black bean patty instead of meat, and I only want cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce, and pineapple on it. None of those things normally come on it. Is that weird? Will that freak a guy out?

I'm also worried about the conversation. I'm not good at conversation. It's the sociophobia I guess. I look away from a person sometimes, or mess with my napkin or whatever, and I get the urge to squeeze my eyes shut a lot. I know all the things people say about conversation - ask him about himself, find a common interest, etc. - but it's not that easy for me at all. I just hope he's better at it than I am and doesn't think I'm weird with my eye twitches and looking away and stuff. Will he just think I'm nervous? Or will he assume I don't like him?

I know I'm overthinking the hell out of this and part of me wants to just ignore the call when and if he calls, but I am really tired of being single and I would really like to get married some day, which is never going to happen if I don't take the first step. It's just that to me, this first step feels a bit like stepping off a step and not knowing how far down the ground is.

So I guess I just have a few questions... I'd like to know what cerebral palsy is like to live with. Anything I should know about it? Any advice for someone who's this old who's never dated before? Anything to do or not do on a first date I guess? Is it as pathetic as I think it is to be this old and not know these things? Not have these experiences? Anything else you want to post I guess. You get a gold star for actually reading all this crap.

- I can understand the social anxiety part. Have you considered therapy for your anxiety? I used to have it really bad. It got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere without freaking out. However, I went to therapy last year and got anti-anxiety pills. Since then, I'm able to go out and I love talking to people now!

My former roommate dated a guy with cerebral palsy. I hung out with him a few times. He has to walk slow, can't carry heavy things, and needs help walking up steps. Otherwise, he can do most things on his own, including driving. His car has special brakes and an accelerator, but it's normal otherwise. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about.

I only started dating last year when I was 22. The first date I went on was with a friend from class, who is now my boyfriend. We went out to eat at a Subway because it was cheap and hung out in stores. I was nervous, but acted like myself (although more tame). He was more self-conscious of how he was eating. We ended up hooking up that night... yeah, definitely not the smartest decision, especially since I was a virgin at the time. I was scared it was going to be a one night stand, but, he wanted to see me again and again. We hung out every weekend for almost a year. We eventually fell in love. While things were uncertain for a while, we were able to talk. Since then, things have improved significantly. We're definitely happy together!

Here's what I think: don't worry about the date. Just let things flow, and it'll be fine. Be yourself and don't try too hard to impress him. If he is really interested in you, he won't care about how you eat, your mannerisms, etc. However, don't go to his or your place. While in my case, things worked out, it usually doesn't work that way.

It doesn't matter where you guys go, as long as it's in public view. The price he's willing to spend on you doesn't determine how much he likes you. Don't let money buy your affection.

Explain you have social anxiety and your sensitives to food. It's better to be honest and get those sort of things out of the way quickly. If he doesn't want to handle you, he'll leave and you won't have to waste your time on him. Someone who is willing to handle you will stick around.

You don't need to wear makeup or have long, flowing hair to be attractive. I never wear makeup. I attracted my boyfriend while not wearing makeup, wearing baggy work clothes, and having short hair. It's much better to show your real beauty. You're more likely to get a guy that likes you for who you are that way.

You're not pathetic at all. People develop at different speeds. It's good you waited until you were ready. You'll be able to handle the dates with a clearer head.

Good luck!

Thank you for your post. I'm glad someone posted with actual help instead of just going 'lol what a loser' like I kind of thought I might get.

I haven't done any kind of therapy for my anxiety, because honestly, even the thought of going to talk to someone makes me panic a little. But the other reason I never tried it is because I didn't have insurance or the money to pay for it and now I do have insurance so maybe I'll see what I can find out.

That actually really helps me just to hear that you started dating at 22. Hearing that alone makes me feel better. It'd be wonderful if this guy turns into someone important to me like your first date did. I definitely don't think we'll be sleeping together though. I was brought up fairly strict and I'm pretty certain I won't be doing that until after I'm married. I really hope that doesn't sound prudish...even though I'm not super religious, I have an old-fashioned view on the matter in I see sex as something special that should be shared between a man and wife. Not that that's for everyone. I totally don't judge you or anyone on deciding to do that earlier. I'm just saying that's me.

Yeah, I definitely won't be going home with him or taking him home with me (especially since I live with my parents - lol awkward).

I'm thinking the fact that he has cerebral palsy might mean that he might be more open to others' differences and he won't think I'm odd maybe. I will explain things to him honestly if it looks like I should. Who knows...I guess I might feel completely comfortable with him.

Anyways, thanks again for all your input. It really helped to read what you had to say. :)

- I'm glad I was able to help! :)

I was also really hesitant to go to therapy. But, the guy I saw was recommended by a former coworker, so I trusted her word. I started going almost 2 years ago. He was amazing! It sucks my current insurance doesn't cover him.

About therapy, it takes months to notice a difference. At first, you'll feel awful. But, it does get much better. A good therapist will let you go at your own speed and let you discover things yourself. They should just be a guide and cheerleader. The amount of time you need to see a therapist varies greatly. I'm still seeing one once every few weeks to work on controlling my anger and learning to forgive myself.

It's definitely a possibility your first date will be the one for you. But, keep your mind open for the possibility of the first guy being awful. I was actually supposed to go on 2 other dates before my first one, but they both cancelled on me and never spoke to me again for unknown reasons.

Everyone has their own views on sex. I understand your view and don't have any problems with it. I was also raised with that view, but I went against it. I appreciate you not judging my decision, even though it goes against your beliefs.

Yeah, being open to him will benefit both of you. There's no way to know how things go until you try!

Man, it's really hard to meet people later in life, and even moreso when you struggle with anxiety (a pain I also know all too well). The good news is you're looking for ways to branch out, and aren't afraid to ask for help in doing so. Take these as the good signs that they are, and try not to let yourself get bogged down too much by all your concerns (I know, easier said than done).

I also have a limited diet (I'm a strict vegetarian, and I have several food allergies/intolerance issues on top of that), and I don't ever wear makeup either (though that's entirely a personal choice). I try not to see either of these things as a negative or as a reason why someone shouldn't want to date me - they're a part of what makes me who I am. And, if I'm going to be sharing my life with someone, they had better be more than okay with who that is. Your quirks are all a part of what makes you you. Maybe he'll embrace them, maybe he won't. If not, then you can always keep looking until you find someone who will.

That's what dating is, afterall. It's nerve-wracking and rocky, it can be stressful and exhilarating - but it serves a purpose. You're learning about eachother, as well as learning about yourself and your wants/desires all at the same time. So, even if things with this guy don't work out, it won't have been a waste - you'll come out of it knowing a little bit more about what you want/don't want in your next relationship. Don't let the fear of being hurt or rejected hold you back; at worst it's a beneficial learning experience, and at best it's a potentially fulfilling relationship that could make you really happy.

It's really hard to try and take that first step, I know. So maybe try and start small? Suggest going for coffee (or something casual along those lines if coffee isn't your thing), or just getting to know each other as friends first? Maybe even just text/email/whatever for a bit before actually meeting in person, if that feels like it could be too much for you. Go at whatever speed you're most comfortable with - don't feel like you have to rush into anything.

Good luck!

I'm not sure how much help I can be. I've been toying with the idea of posting here for a few days. I suppose what I can bring is empathy. I don't have the exact same difficulties you do (mine include anxiety, depression, BPD, and a divorce), but I do read a lot of similarities with our anxieties and how we're afraid these "quirks" will affect our prospects.

It's something I brought up with my therapist last time I talked with her because I've been getting really worked up about it all, and what she said was kind of similar to what others have said. It helped me (even if I have to keep reminding myself over and over again what she said), and I think it's worth emphasizing. You are who you are. Your struggles are uniquely yours. The people you date have their own individual struggles as well (as you well know). Without them we wouldn't be who we are today. That means that even the things about ourselves that we don't like are important because they help make us stronger when we fight against them.

This is the part that really helps me, though: try to remind yourself of the things about you that make you stand out from others in a great way. For example, I'm told that one of my great strengths is my value on honesty. Someone out there, even if I can't find them yet, will appreciate that value and want to get to know me better for it. You have strengths too (like your great artistic skills, just as a quick example). Your values are values that you can share with someone else. Someone out there (many someones) wants to get to know you better because of those beautiful aspects of yourself. Everyone has weaknesses, but your "weaknesses" aren't guaranteed deal-breakers for everyone. Remind yourself of your positives. Build your confidence. You deserve to feel safe and good about who you are as a person. Don't let your fears take that away from you. You're better than your fears. You're strong enough. <3

If you ever want someone to talk with, about anything really, my inbox is always open. I like being an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, especially when I can empathize with someone. I'd love to know how your date with this guy turns out. You're a great catch, regardless of the things you're working on to better yourself.