Ugh...this has been tearing me apart for days, now.

My boyfriend has recently gotten back in contact with two girls from his High School life. One is his ex-girlfriend who left him for home, breaking him completely for at least months, if not a whole year. The other is a girl who loved and still loves him, and took his papers in school out of spite for not returning the feeling. The two girls used to be friends but got into a fight, possibly over him, and didn't talk afterwards - the other girl has told me they have made up and are talking again, and she asked me not to tell him such. So. I have two worries here...

He has told me that he could never trust his ex again in a relationship, but will still help her as a friend if she ever asks. Which she has. She supposedly does not want to return to a relationship with him either. BUT. The other girl has not said she doesn't want him, still. I find it very strange that first her, then his ex, start talking to him again, within a week of each other, after 5 years.

The namesake of this topic comes from a conversation I had with my boyfriend about this situation. I asked him what he was talking about with his ex, and he said it was "private" and that he should be entitled to his privacy - that it wasn't my business.

I feel like now is a very hard time for my boyfriend, as he moved here just a while ago, and is going through some other stresses. My hope is that he can get into counseling to help him sort through everything, but that may take time. My fear is that these girls are going to try to manipulate him somehow, or that they will bring up additional and unnecessary stress for him, that could seriously effect our relationship.

So...when I was turning on my computer the other day, his facebook tab was still open and had the conversation between him and his ex open. I didn't really read it, because I don't want to be "spying" on him, but I did see her phone number in the message. I...really want to text her, to ask her if she could let him alone until he gets things more sorted, but I don't want too many questions to come up, to hurt anything or anyone... I just want to...make sure he doesn't become overwhelmed. I've already noticed he's become more irritable and secretive, and to be honest, it hurts.

So I ask, please... "What should I do?"

I think I would have talked to him about it all one more time before even considering texting this girl. The ex will definitly not like it, and if she's spiteful she will turn to your bf and say bad things about you.

It's hard to move to a new place and he might just need some time. Him turning to old friends is not too uncommon but if it bugs you a lot, tell him that. Find a way to support him while all this going on?

best of luck..usually whats his to deal with..is his to deal with. resentment forms form interrupting his decision makings. let him know your there and you care.

That whole thing about him saying the conversation was private seems kind of odd to me. Usually someone would say at least something more than that. Like, "Oh, she's talking about how she's going through a rough time." or something similar to that.

If I were in that position I would talk to him about it. I'd tell him that saying the conversation was private made me feel a little bothered. But, like the others said, make sure he knows that you're there for him and that he could talk with you about anything. If he's having a particularly bad day, maybe you can suggest to do something with him that he likes. Just to go have fun and not think too much about all of the stresses of life.

I agree that someone should be entitled to privacy- but not if it's going to seriously compromise your relationship and your trust for him. It would be one thing if these were just normal friends he was talking to, but he DATED these girls and pined over one of them for nearly a year. It seems a little fishy that he would start talking to them again and not tell you about it, doesn't it?

I suppose it IS possible for exes to just be friends again, but only if the two involved no longer share feelings for each other. I feel like if he respected you at all, he would give you a better answer than "I want my own privacy", that probably means he's up to something if he can't be honest. I know if my boyfriend started talking to ANY of his exes, I would ask him WHY he was talking to them and definitely ask what his intentions were.

You should definitely talk to him about it, say it makes you feel hurt/left out to think that he could be texting and meeting up with these girls behind your back. If they still like him, it makes sense that they'll try to pull him away from you. From what I've learned over the years if someone really wants someone- they'll go after them regardless of whether or not they're already in a relationship. If he keeps being sneaky and won't give you some honest explanations, I would consider finding someone more trustworthy.

My opinion might be a little biased though, I know I have some trust issues and my boy talking to any of his exes would definitely freak me out, thankgod he doesn't though.

Tell him you are uncomfortable with him being around his exes. This is perfectly normal.

this fear is based more on the potential holes of the relationship and less about your boyfriend's historical relationship issues.

you clearly have some distrust going on in your relationship and i doubt very seriously that this distrust is solely based on ex-girlfriends. i'm quite certain that if the variables were different -- ie. some new girl speaking to your boyfriend in a ''private'' manner -- would affect you just the same.

at the end of the day, you ultimately have to decide just how far you are going to allow yourself to trust your boyfriend. NO FEMALE is going to have power over your boyfriend THAT HE HIMSELF doesn't give to them. they can be the most manipulative person on the earth, but it is still within his ability to control his own actions.

contacting these girls is an absurd consideration, imo. it isn't your place to become a 3rd-party instigator.

Have you considered that perhaps he is being more irritable and secretive because you have acted jealous and insecure? That perhaps your lack of trust is what is making him feel overwhelmed?

The fact that you are even considering contacting ANYONE to tell them to leave him alone is a red flag for me.