So me and my boyfriend, we'll call him A for sake of story telling, have been together for about 2 and a half years now. Just recently we moved to a city about 4 hours away from our hometown to go to college. We're not living together, but he's always over and hanging out with me. Recently, I've been mentioning engagement and etc. Not saying I'm ready to marry him next year, but definitely in the next 3 or 5. I don't mind having a long engagement, and I kinda want one. Well every time the subject has been brought up, he just shuts down and won't talk about it. I'm perfectly fine with him not being ready for that, but he wouldn't even tell me why he won't talk about it with me. This happens with nearly everything we talk about that he's not necessarily comfortable with. Every time something's bugging him and I ask him what it is, he just says "nothing" until I finally ask a 4th or 5th time. This morning we were waiting outside one of my classes and literally, out of nowhere he just says "you're too mean and short-tempered and that's why I'm not going to propose" It was completely unrelated to anything we were talking about, so I thought he was kidding like he always does, because he said it kinda jokingly. Then after I shrugged it off, laughing and saying he's full of bullshit, he then says "I think it's funny that you think I'm kidding and I'm being serious." And I could tell he meant it. I could've handled it had I not been standing right outside of my class and could've talked like grown ass adults. He then hugged me and said we'd talk about it later. What the hell? Am I on crack or something? What am I supposed to even do about that?

Ping Me

maybe he feels put on the spot cause you keep mentioning this. youve only been together 2.5 years AND you just started college. starting college is hardly the time to get engaged tbh.

just cause he doesnt want to be engaged doesnt mean hes not up for a long term relationship or doesnt love you, but an engagement is a pretty big thing.

I haven't mentioned it in like 2 or 3 weeks, nor did I today when we were talking, and every time I did before, it was usually in a joking manor. I get him not wanting to propose, but in all honesty, I don't understand why he had to be so cross about it. We weren't fighting or anything when it happened, he just said it out of nowhere.

(Bah, sorry for the wall of text. I wasn't expecting that lol)

Honestly, a two and a half relationship is impressive for someone your age. I mean, most high school relationships don't even make it a year! But still, you two are still young. I'm assuming you are a first year college student? College is another step closer to the real world and is completely different from high school. You are still growing up, maturing, and changing while in college.

I was in your shoes. My bf was a senior in high school, but I was a first year college student. We were in a two and a half year relationship at the time. Things were fine at first, but became rocky halfway into his senior year. Shortly into the next school year, when he became a college student, our relationship of three and a half years ended. This happened about a year ago. Looking back on it, I have realized that my ex has changed A LOT, and now, I'm happy that we did break up.

Now, I'm not implying that you two are going to break up. I know plenty of people that are either still in a relationship with their high school sweethearts, engaged to them, or married to them. This includes people my age and some of my own relatives (aunts and uncles). All I'm saying is that it is possible that either of you may change within the next year, year and a half. Both of you will probably change. It may be minor, may be major.

Maybe he just feels pressured when you mention engagement? It seems like you don't mention it that often, but even if you're joking about it, maybe he doesn't catch that. Perhaps he feels like it is too soon to even think about getting engaged. I know plenty of people my age that are already engaged, but some people would rather wait until closer to the end of college to even think about engagement--maybe even after graduation. As for his sudden outburst, I'm not really sure what that could be about. Maybe he is bottling something up and just kind of...let it out? Maybe he has been thinking about how you have mentioned engagement in the past, and even though you haven't mentioned it recently, he is still thinking about it.

Really though, if you two love each other, you really don't need that "engagement" title to label your relationship. You would just continue to love each other, with or without the label. There is no sense in rushing it. The decision of proposing is one of the biggest decisions he will have to make in his life, just as it would be yours to accept it. I do understand that you'd like to know if there is a potential future for your relationship as opposed to just riding it out. If you're curious, maybe just explain to him that you want to see if there could be a possible future with each other, as opposed to pressuring him into expecting a future together with engagement. I can say from personal experience with my ex that I could be joking around about a topic, but he would take it seriously and be bothered by it. He may even have some things bottled up/bothering him that he hasn't expressed to you yet. And you never know how the two of you may change within the next year or two.

Granted, you know your bf best, so some of these things I have said may not even be the case. But still, just giving my two cents. Hope this helps!

^ Agree with some of the above.

I agree that 2.5 yrs? So not that long at all. And an engagement is a huge deal, yes you would ideal like a longer engagement but that's saying I AM GOING TO MARRY YOU/SPEND REST OF LIFE WITH YOU. College is a big deal and not living together? I feel you should be living together and learning how to co-habituate before anything happens. Just because he spends time at your place does not mean much. When you truly live on your own with someone else - that's when it gets rough/easier.

Even joking about an engagement can freak people out. You also have to look at his parents' marriage. I've been with my guy for a 1.5 years and even though we live together, with his parents, we're not ready to get engaged. I've talked about it in a serious manner before, and he responded honestly with "I'm just not ready...I take this very seriously...I don't want a marriage like my parents." My parents have been happily/had unhappy moments for 28 years, they met and within a year they were married (biological clock was ticking because my mom was in her 30s). But I see that as normal, being quick but happy. My boyfriend's parents recently went through a separation (there was another woman involved/his dad is psycho) and are only together because the divorce almost bankrupted them. You have to look at so many different things before getting married.

I know you said you joked about engagement - but to some people that is a REALLY big step. I think if you talked about it seriously with him, just let the joking go aside, then you could work on problems that he feels are there. Maybe there aren't problems! But having that flowing talk is good! I think it's healthy!

Lol, the best advice I got for completely living in my boyfriend's room? Use separate sheets because we're both blanket hogs. Seriously, that's been the only bump in our road so far. We're still in the beginning of the relationship though xD

Hope some of that helped! If not, I am sorry for my rambles c:

While I agree with what people have said here about how it's not smart to joke about these things I think your boyfriend reacted badly. "You're too mean and short-tempered" and "it's funny that you think I'm joking"? That sounds kinda passive-aggressive to me. Especially when you weren't even talking about engagement. I mean, if he was fed up by you mentioning it he could have just told you to back up a little, not say those things. It really sounds like there's some other problem here, not just the engagement thing. I hope you get some answers out of him, I know I'd be devastated if my boyfriend suddenly called me mean and just said we'd talk about it later.

When you do talk just ask what's up. I know you say he closes up about these things, but you need to let him know that a relationship won't work if he can't find it in him to talk to you. You're supposed to be partners and work together with these things, not hide and keep grudges.