Ok so recently I have been thinking about my first boy friend a lot. Other than the guy im dating now, and have been dating for almost four years, he was my most serious relationship. Things ended in a weird way. My parents hated him and suddenly one day they sent me to boarding school and that was the last time I ever spoke to him. Once I got home he would try and call me every year and I never was home for the call, but my parents were and they intercepted. Of course they were outraged and despite me not knowing he was going to call I was always punished.

Long story short, I absolutely love my boyfriend. I know that things probably would never have worked out with the other guy. However sometimes I just wonder what hes up to. Do you guys think this is normal or am I being weird. Every once and a while I think of him. He's out there now trying to be a rock star or something, and I know we would never work, and I don't think I'd even want us to. Ive moved on and am in love but I don't know how to describe how im feeling. Is it wrong im feeling this way.

I definitely don't think thats weird. The way things ended with you two, of course you're bound to wonder what happened to him, what he's doing nowadays, and stuff like that. Even if you were pining for him or something i don't think it'd be too worrying - you'd probably be missing the memory more than the actual person, which is really normal. I still get this feeling over an ex-best friend of mine. I find myself randomly thinking about her, wondering what she's doing now and what she's even like these days. But it doesn't mean i necessarily want to go back to that time, because everyone's moved on and things would never be the same anyway. I think that's just how you have to look at it when you start feeling like this :)

Thanks for your response. I almost (ok i do) feel guilty because I dont want people to think that I want to still be with him. I mean maybe in another universe but I would never throw away the awesome relationship i have with my boyfriend for a romance that never faced any issues or turbulence. My friend told me I should feel guilty, that I only thought of him because I still wanted to date him, which I do not think is true at all. Do you ever want to go back to that time with your friend, just for a day so you can realize things changed for the best?

I don't think you should feel guilt at all. Firstly, you can't help having thoughts/feelings, so why feel guilty over them? Secondly, you acknowledge that you have a great relationship and you're not exactly making plans to run off with this other guy, so i really don't see the need to beat yourself up over anything. Wondering 'what if' is totally normal imo, it's only when it gets to the point where you're throwing away a real, solid relationship for something just because you have a fantasy ideal of what it could be like that these thoughts can be troublesome. And yeah, I do wish i could go back, or even see her again just for a while, to show myself that there's no point holding someone up on a pedestal because there's a reason we drifted apart, and those reasons will still be there, and probably amplified even more by all the time that's passed. In your case it's probably a bit different because you were essentially forced apart, but the same principle applies that a lot of time has passed, and you will both probably be completely different people compared to back then.

Thank you, you've made me feel so much better . I was feeling so guilty but youre right its not a controllable feeling. As long as its just a feeling there is no issue, now when i plan my life around these thoughts then I have an issue. Im wish I saw him again because like you said id probably take him off of his pedestal just like you would. We are probably such different people now and I would almost not like to see him because it would ruin my past version of him. Thanks again for your time :)

No problem, glad you feel better about it! :)