Okay. So. I know I have a screwed up thyroid which can be a major problem as it's been known to have similar symptoms to bipolar and depression (in fact, some people with my condition have been falsely diagnosed as bipolar or depressed). My current doctor has diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder, which I know I have. And my former doctor had diagnosed me with depression on top of the thyroid. But then again, I don't know if I should take that to heart since he is our former doctor (trust me; we stopped seeing him for a good reason) and again, thyroid problems can mimic depression. Anyway, I am on thyroid medication, I have anxiety medication and these natural herbal antidepressants for special occasions. My doctor has given me a prescription for Lexapro but I have not taken it to the pharmacy. He gave it to me just to have since the last doctor's antidepressants apparently didn't work. My last antidepressants was Effexor. At first, I was on some variant of it and I felt great. Yes, I had breakdowns. But at least they were open breakdowns. I was talking to my family and being honest and stuff. And I was beginning to feel more optimistic. But this medicine was expensive so we tried another variation of Effexor. This... sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. And when it did not work, it REALLY did not work.

Cut to the worst time of my life when I start contemplating suicide - which I had done for years - but this time I was serious with starts of plans. I made the "mistake" of being honest about it. This did not end well. Lots of crying and screaming and hurt feelings between me and my family. I kept telling myself that they were just concerned for me. But at the same time, a lot of the stuff they said really hurt me. Stuff like being told "I just need to be happy" or that "I'm just a melodramatic attention-seeking brat who isn't suicidal". Stuff like that. I tried talking to a friend who just talked to my parents - making it sound worse than it was or misinterpreting my feelings which made it even worse. I'll admit, I even said some things I regret. And then I tried counselling and that was pretty much the worst day of my life. Not only did the counsellor themselves call me "dramatic" and tell me to "get over it", but they did... a lot of other emotionally and mentally upsetting stuff. Let's leave it at that. After that meeting, I asked my mom about therapy and she said no. And to be honest, after my experience, I'm rather iffy about it myself. One night when I was pretty much done, I tried one of those hotlines but my stupid anxiety got in the way and it was really awkward and no progress was made. So all of the basic go-to help things either did not help at all or made it worse. Basically after all of that, I sort of gave up and went back to NOT talking about my feelings since the one time I did it blew up in my face. The last time I was sort of open was with my doctor (who praise the deity of choice, did NOT flip out and talked about suicide as if we were talking about how to treat an infection).

So sort of recently, I asked my mom if I could get my antidepressant prescription filled and she put her foot down saying I don't need them and they'll just screw me up. Given I guess I should accept her opinion since I feel like it's better to trust another person than myself. And besides, I still had my natural-herbal ones. So I let that go. But then the natural-herbal ones started to sedate me a bit. You know how people talk about people becoming zombies? Yeah like that. At first I was bothered by it. But when I got off of them wow I was shocked at what a super sensitive and weak person I was. So now this past two weeks or so, I've been sort of flickering off and on of them because I can't make up my mind. I don't like being a "zombie", but at the same time WOW I am a super sensitive, weak, overly-emotional coward off of them. Right now I'm leaning towards the sedated side since yesterday, my literal first thought of the day was of suicide. I've actually been thinking about suicide a bit more recently. I'm not as bad as I was before. No plans or anything, but it's definitely been on my mind.

TL;DR: Every time I try to get help, something goes wrong. Don't know what do.

Well. Even if nobody can help, it sure felt good to vent. ¯_( ツ ) _/¯

Wow. Okay. You know, This actually might be an area I can give personal and outside advice on. Anyway, I know how you feel in some ways. Thyroid runs on my fathers side of the family (For females) and since I very much take after that side, I've been told there is a high chance I have it (Can't afford a test for it so I'm kind of screwed on the yes/no answer.) However, it is depressing to even think about it and I myself have had some doctors try to say I am depressed (Nothing makes you more depressed then someone saying 'You're depressed'). Luckily I didn't follow their advice and stuck to what my gut/heart said. However my boyfriend has suffered depression, and his and mine advice is DO NOT TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS! They will F--k you up. Especially if you are already suicidal. They're just a bottle of bad news.

However there is something that I want you to know.I don't know the full story of what happened when you expressed how you felt, however I can say that from what I've understood of it, I can honestly say the situation wasn't handled as well as it could have been. I remember thinking about suicide when I was younger (I'm only 23) and it was tough. Luckily I was able to talk to my parents and they were able to help me. I think you're family meant well, however I think they just went into panic 'I don't want to hear this' mode which isn't uncommon. People who tend to hear things they don't want will often get defensive, slightly aggressive and will make up excuses to get out of discussing it. I'm sorry the group was not able to help you but I can personally understand why, Most of it is BS! They try to use the scare/belittling tactic. I swear it's an abusive loving group. However I know that not all groups that handle suicide are like this, This is mostly from my personal opinion of those I have seen (I didn't go there for myself but to encourage another of my friends who was suffering, Needless to say we said screw that and I helped her out of her depression.).

Basically besides all my story telling I'm just trying to say is that you should talk to someone, especially if you need someone to listen to you. If you need anyone to listen to you, I may be a stranger, but I am willing to listen to you and if you are so willing provide some advice in your life.

PS. I wouldn't rely on the Herbal medication. It may be all naturally but they're still highly addictive and that makes me a little worried about you. Yeah, You may be overly sensitive (I don't think so because I've been told I'm super sensitive but with the help of my bf I've learned I'm not, When something hurts you, It hurts you. You're not being sensitive, you are being honest to yourself. If you feel that under normal circumstances that wouldn't bother you then you might be a lil sensitive at the moment but everyone goes through that. I also don't think you're weak. You just don't see how strong you are (yet :D). I thoroughly believe that.

TL;DR: Sorry about you're problems. Here if you need me. Group sucks, family talks sometimes sucks, DON"T TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, Therapy will probably do you some good, Try to wing off the Herbal medication.

Thank you for the reply. :) It's nice to have the opinion of someone with thyroid. I didn't know anti-depressants were so thyroid-unfriendly. I have been off of them the past few days and I do feel better. Though I think I'm now going to have to accept that I'm a bit over emotional. xD

Thank you again for your reply. I feel so much better. <3

Glad I could make you feel better. Another bit of advice, Don't be so hard on yourself. You are who you are. No one can tell you more about yourself then you. Always be true to yourself. I found this out the hard way, but don't try to suppress your feelings to make someone else happy. It'll just lead you down a bad road. When you're honest to yourself, you tend to love yourself more.

If you have hypothyroidism then it can be caused by stress, or if you have taken particular medications in the past, particularly some mood-stabilisers used to treat bipolar.

My recommendations from a medical standpoint is to ensure that you are taking appropriate medications under the advice of a general practitioner. I am assuming that you are taking thyroxine or something similar?

Anti-depressants are not bad for everyone, and they often work quite well for some people, so I would certainly not use the personal anecdotes of another person as a good reason to avoid taking medications. Particularly when you self-admitted that you were really good on one particular medication. This would indicate that you would probably benefit tremendously from medication to level out your neurochemistry.

Exercise is a good natural way to help with neurochemical regulation. There have been quite a few studies that have found that moderate exercise may be effective at managing depression symptoms.

What is the herbal remedy you are taking and does your physician know you are taking it? Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's automatically good for you, nor does it mean that it won't interact with other medications in a negative way.

I would absolutely advocate being able to talk through your issues with a cognitive-behavioural therapist to aid your medical management.