A Gentleman's Guide to Romancing the Subeautique:

Mastering the Subtle Art of Subeautique Restocking

By Seifer Almasy

Forward

Gentlemen, you are about to embark on a difficult journey - one which has been traveled by every man throughout history (and Prince). Depending on how you maneuver, you can gain the proverbial gold at the end of the rainbow, or a slap in the face. In case you're unsure, let me assure you now that you'll want to work toward the former. (That is unless you are harboring some sort of dark fantasy, in which case I believe you are reading the wrong guide. You may want to return to your local book store and peruse a different section.)

Before I begin the guide, I would like to make it clear that the Subeautique's shop keeper, Esmerelda, is a sophisticated woman. She deals in high fashion accessories and clothing only, so there will be no blindfolds, paddles, collars, or pole dancing in this establishment. (Well, except for the Giselle Kinkylove line, but unfortunately that phase of curiosity and experimentation has ended for our dear Esmerelda.)

I must also stress that Esmerelda is not impressed by the normal man's dine-and-dash restocking tactics. She expects to be coddled, fawned over, and given your undivided attention for an unspecified amount of time. I'm giving you fair warning now, gentlemen - you may be courting her for hours before you are offered the chance to seal the deal and finally walk away with an item.*

Now, without further ado, let us begin the Gentleman's Guide to Romancing the Subeautique.

*Item rarity and worth is subject to Esmerelda's mood. Offer void if you have 10 thumbs and are unable to read the cache and/or type in the correct item price when prompted.

Getting to Know the Shop Keeper

As I previously mentioned, Esmerelda is a sophisticated woman. You can't simply run into the store and expect her to swoon and offer you r99s. Instead, you must first spend a bit of quality time together. Let her become acquainted with your heavy mouth breathing and bloodshot eyes before you attempt to buy her items. Otherwise, she is more likely to close herself off to your advances.

I suggest allowing yourself 10-20 minutes of solid refreshing to give her time to grow accustomed to your presence. DO NOT LEAVE THE SHOP. She may take this as a sign that you aren't ready for a commitment and will restock without you. Nothing delivers such a severe blow to your sense of self-worth as a missed Subeautique restock. I'm stressing this point, gentlemen, DO NOT LEAVE.

Preparing for the Restock

It is safe to assume that you have been sitting diligently at Subeautique, refreshing the page as though it was your only source of salvation. You have burned Esmerelda's image into your retinas and are able to sketch her from memory. This is good. It is now time to move on to setting the correct mood for the upcoming restock.

I've found that a combination of soothing music and mood lighting is beneficial in your attempts to court the Subeautique shop keeper. You want to turn down the lights until they have reached a delicate balance of equal parts darkness and the blinding light of your computer monitor. Esmerelda enjoys it when your attention is focused solely on her, so this will give her the impression that you only have eyes for her shop.

NOTE: This doesn't necessarily have to be the case. It is perfectly possible to complete other tasks while romancing everyone's favorite narcissist. Be advised, though. If Esmerelda discovers that your eyes have wandered, she is likely to restock items worth upwards of 5 million sP out of spite. So, drift away from her shop at your own risk.

Sealing the Deal

This is it, gentlemen. You've refreshed, sweet talked, and groveled your way into Esmerelda's heart and she has finally decided to reward your diligence. However, keep in mind that she has been playing with the hearts of many other hopeful restockers as well, and all of them are ready to punch a puppy in frustration. You must prepare yourselves for the coming battle of wits, hand-eye coordination, and typing without getting Cheeto dust all over your keyboard.

A word of caution: Take heed, my fellow restockers. When that blessed occasion finally arrives and Subeautique restocks new items, don't assume that all of them will lead to a wide profit margin. It is highly possible that Esmerelda has mixed in a box of worthless junk with her high-end merchandise. Don't try to blame her for the mishap, however. She will hear none of it.

In Closing

Romancing the Subeautique can be frustrating at times, but it can also lead to great success. The amount of pure profit you can make from these ventures is vast and is only limited by your patience and desire to live an eventful life.

My final advice to you, gentlemen, is to remember to be quick on your feet and ready with those sP. If you are, then you too may one day experience the joy and pride of participating in a successful Subeautique restock.

Good luck, and happy restocking.

LIABILITY WAIVER: Seifer Almasy is not responsible for sP lost during your Subeautique restocking experience. Item familiarity and price knowledge is the sole responsibility of all users choosing to participate in the restocking process. All gentlemen and/or other users who opt to utilize this guide take on all risk and liability associated with such practices.

Thanks to for some joke material. ILU, NOM.

Oh my God XD That was awesome so freakin' awesome. Thank you for this!

Always glad to help. ;D But seriously, if people want some Subeautique restocking advice, just ask. I know that shop can be a pain in the butt.

I'll absolutely try this! Thank you, this guide came just when I needed it!

Hope it helps!

Some sound advice:

The shop tends to restock between :10 and :30 after the minute. Sometimes it'll have wonky restocks that show up at around :55 after the minute, so if you want you can start refreshing any time after :45.

I'm staring at those brown eyes for almost 15 minutes already! Come at me Esmeralda! I'm not afraid of you! ò.ó

I've sat and refreshed at Subq for over an hour several times in the past. xD; Sometimes you gotta be ready to waste a good chunk of your life to restock at that store.

and the worst part is that she will probably restock one of those gloves again >.<

So true. Dx I've begun hating those gloves.

God! 2 good items and they were sold in less than 2 seconds! How is it even possible? ):

If you can, I would suggest trying to restock when there are less than 700 people online. It's much easier to get at least one good item at those times.

yeah, I figured that out, but seriously, this people have rockets in their fingers o.õ

O M Deity, I loved it. You are a genius.

So glad to help~ ;D

This. This times infinity. She is spiteful, and she knows things. SHE KNOWS.

I was highly amused by this truthful and fantastic read. ❤️

... Oh, so that's how you apparently do it. Brb, romancing the Subq shopkeeper.

She sounds far too high maintenance for me xD

Imma have to pass!

Oh, I can't tell you how many times she's RSed really, really, REALLY expensive items when I left the shop for less than 30 seconds. /RAGE

Good luck, good sir. Good luck to you.

Yes, it is quite an undertaking to romance the Subq. I do not blame you for turning away from the sad, lonely road that is a Subq restocker.

Thank you, my luck with Subq used to come in bursts every two to three months. Hopefully, this will help get that down to every few days. I can use all the luck I can get.

This happens to me almost daily. She and I have a love/hate relationship. I also find that once this happens...it will happen ALL DAY LONG. She's a mean one, that Esme. ...she's probably restocking as I type this...