I live with two guys - C and M. M and I were the initial lease holders, and C moved in later. I was initially really excited to move in with M and super nervous about the situation with C and now the tables have turned entirely. I'm really comfortable with C and he is a very GREAT person and practically the PERFECT roommate for me, while M has turned out to be... well, really really inconsiderate.

Some examples:

• Last semester during finals week, M had his girlfriend over EVERY day. They were loud (in ever respect you could imagine), made a mess in the kitchen, and didn't even bother to acknowledge the fact that C and I existed, let alone that it was finals week and, as a science major, I had a huge course load, and C works + goes to school (both full time).

• M doesn't socialize with us. It almost seems like he goes out of his way to avoid any kind of socialization.

• M doesn't clean anything except, sometimes, his dishes. The one time I asked him to clean the shared bathroom (because C and I clean it constantly and have since we moved in, but M has done nothing in that respect) I had to ask him three times within the course of a week and when he finally cleaned it he made his girlfriend help him.

• When we moved into the house together there was a strict "No drugs, no drinking" policy. He has struck out on the no drugs policy, and for awhile was coming home after 3AM tripping on shrooms.

• Just kind of a personal thing - he hit my car while backing out of the garage.

• More recently he's been kind of fucking up everywhere. For instance yesterday he had his girlfriend over all day (cue loudness) while I was home cleaning and doing a ton of homework. Eventually (after about six hours of them going between laughing/screaming and having very audible sexytimes) I went for a walk, and when I came back around two hours later nothing had changed. I couldn't drown them out with music, they were THAT loud. And he knows I'm always stressed with homework. When I confronted him about it (I had people coming over to do class work at 5:15, and I had asked him to "please turn it down a bit") his response was "lol" and for him and his girlfriend to leave in a huge huff.

• Again, last night, which is the last straw for both C and I, he had people over at one in the morning incredibly loud downstairs. When C woke up (he works early) in the morning, there were several people passed out in the living room out the couches, and several 40's and other beer bottles in the recycle. This is hugely not okay.

And this isn't everything, but just the gist of it and a few big things that came to mind. So C and I have resolved to confront him, but I'm not sure what to say. He's on the lease (all three of us are) so I'm not sure what the boundaries of evicting him would be, plus he's yet to fix my car and I'd like that done before things go too sour. I'm not sure what we're planning to say to him, but both C and I agree that he's become the exact opposite of what he implied he would be as a roommate, and it's stressing both of us out way too much on top of what we already have to deal with.

So. What should we do here? Anything is appreciated. As a person that tries really hard to avoid conflict as much as possible, I want this to go smoothly but for him to understand what we're talking about and to have his actions changed.

Wow, that's awful, what a prick!

I've never been in such a situation, so aside from sitting him down calmly and discussing his behaviour, I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe making it obvious that if things don't change, you guys won't be helping him out and will be seeking legal assistance to remove him from the lease?

Good luck :c

Tell him exactly what you told us. That his "social" events are distracting and irritating. That he has broken the agreement not to do drugs or drink at the house. That him having his girlfriend over wouldn't be a problem if they didn't disturb the whole house. As for your car, remind him he backed into it and it needs to be fixed and that if he doesn't do it in a timely fashion (Say two months at the most) then you will be forced to take him to court. Explain to him that he also isn't keeping up his end of cleaning and that you and C have had enough and that for the best of all parties involved you would like him to find another place to live.

Your roommate sounds like mine, wow. The only difference is I'm moving out in less than a month so I don't really have to deal with it anymore. I also tend to avoid conflict, as you said you do.

I think you should get together and have a roommate talk. Schedule a time when you're all home and free (or surprise him with an 'intervention' of sorts, if he doesn't show up/avoids the meeting) and tell him exactly how you feel in every respect, tell him what he needs to stop/start doing, that he needs to fix the damage to your car, and lay down some rules. Print off a copy of the rules and put it in a place he'll see them often, like the kitchen. You can also write up and sign a roommate contract listing all of the rules and that you all promise not to break them. If he does break any of the rules, then you should let him know that you have the right to kick him out and get legal help.

You and C could also simply stop doing all the cleaning, etc. and see how M likes it, but that NEVER turns out the way you hope. Usually that kind of reaction will just make things worse for all parties involved... XD